


In 30 Years

by paperflower622



Category: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani - Fandom, Shefani, The Voice (US) RPF, The Voice RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-18
Updated: 2020-02-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 02:41:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 64,583
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21842353
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paperflower622/pseuds/paperflower622
Summary: I don't wanna look back in 30 yearsAnd wonder who you're married toWhen you love someone, they say you set 'em freeBut that ain't gonna work for me
Relationships: Blake Shelton/Gwen Stefani
Comments: 274
Kudos: 210





	1. Chapter 1

When they first broke up — when she first left him — he didn't even panic.

He was so confident in what they had, he knew they would get back together in no time. There was no way they could go through all they had been through together, love each other as deeply and fiercely as they loved each other, and not end up together.

He thought she just needed time to realize that they could get through this rough patch and see it to the other side. He would give her some space, give them both time to finish some projects, give her time to really miss him, and he was sure — he would call her and she would answer. She would want him back.

Things had gotten tough, really tough, but there was no reason to believe they couldn't make it through. They were meant to be. At least, that's what he thought.

Apparently, she didn't.

Just a few months after their breakup, he read online that she was seeing someone new. Some record company guy, older than her, sophisticated, blah blah blah.

They'd been spotted out at dinner in New York City. Supposedly it was casual. Blake hoped maybe it was just a mistake, maybe it was simply business and the gossip columns had it all wrong — they usually did.

He tried to call her, but she had changed her number. That sent him into an actual panic. So he texted her brother, Todd, and within minutes, Todd sent him her new number. It was good to know her family still liked him, still was rooting for them to work things out.

Gwen didn't feel the same way.

"Please let me move on," she texted him after he had attempted to call her, leaving a slightly pathetic voicemail asking her to talk to him. He was pretty sure she blocked his number after that.

"She still loves you," Todd had assured him later. "She reamed me out real good for giving you her number. She said she's never going to be able to get over you if she talks to you. Just wait it out. It's not gonna last with this guy, he's not what she wants."

Blake had taken this to heart, thought this might actually be a blessing in disguise. Maybe by dating around, Gwen would realize sooner that she could never find with someone else the kind of happiness they had found together. He would welcome her back with open arms when she did.

So he put his head down, kept touring, kept working, kept waiting.

Passivity wasn't typically his way, but as the days turned to weeks and the weeks turned to months, he thought each new day was going to be the day she came back to him. She would call him, and he would fly to her wherever she was. He just knew it.

Then, instead, she went and got herself engaged.

> **Gwen Stefani set to marry record executive Robert Farrah**
> 
> Superstar singer Gwen Stefani is ready to wed for the second time.
> 
> Record executive Robert Farrah proposed to the former No Doubt frontwoman last weekend while the couple of nine months vacationed in the Maldives, her spokesperson confirmed to PEOPLE. While a wedding date has not been announced, a source close to the singer tells PEOPLE that the couple want to be married within the next year.
> 
> "They don't see any reason to wait too long," the source said. "Robert wants to give Gwen the wedding of her dreams."
> 
> Stefani was previously married to Bush lead singer Gavin Rossdale for 13 years, a union that produced three children. Following her divorce from Rossdale, Stefani was in a longtime relationship with country music star Blake Shelton. The couple split last year.
> 
> "Gwen has been through so much. She really thought she would marry Blake, and she was devastated when it didn't work out," the source said. "The engagement has come as a surprise to her friends and family, but they all just want her to be happy."

A couple years back, when Blake heard the news that his ex-wife, Miranda, had gotten remarried, he'd felt... relieved. He was with Gwen, and happy, and he hoped Miranda's new marriage might finally end the media obsession with rehashing their divorce and analyzing their every movement whenever they were in the same room at awards shows. He didn't feel any regret or longing about it. He kind of felt free.

Hearing that Gwen is engaged, on the other hand, leaves him feeling bereft, imprisoned. The news sends him into the woods for days, no desire to emerge any time soon. Or ever.

* * *

Blake is in his deer stand when he gets the text. It's from his manager, Brandon.

"Call me as soon as you get this," the text says. "HUGE news. Voice revival."

Blake stares at the words, sure he's misunderstanding.

It was a difficult adjustment when The Voice had been cancelled a little over two years ago. While he was disappointed about the end of a series that had been so vital in his life and career, it had been a long haul, often grueling, and he was ready to get back on the road more, have more freedom in his schedule and the ability to expand his other career interests, like his chain of Ole Red restaurants.

But in retrospect, he can see that the show's cancellation might have indirectly led to his problems with Gwen. The problems that sent her running away from him.

Without The Voice's reliable schedule providing them more regular time to be together in L.A., where she was permanently based due to her kids, his management tried to steer him out to other places, do more shows, make more appearances, embrace more endorsement opportunities around the country. 

And Gwen wasn't sitting idle waiting at home for him, either. She was working on an album, traveling around the world to perform, all while juggling parenting and launching new fashion endeavors. Sometimes she wasn't even there when he would finally find a break to come back to L.A. to see her.

Now when Blake looks back on it all — if he can even bear to — he can see that the end of The Voice had been the beginning of the end for him and Gwen as well.

Time apart wasn’t their only issue, but it didn’t help whatsoever. Somewhere along the line, their communication had broken down. He realized far too late that Gwen was pulling away from him, and it didn’t fully hit him until she was completely out the door.

If he had known how poorly they were going to handle the new phase of their lives, he’d sure as hell have never let it happen. Now it didn’t matter. He had lost her.

Blake texts Brandon three question marks. He waits a few minutes for the lengthy response.

"NBC is hurting in the ratings and wants to do a special reunion miniseries, a revival of The Voice featuring all the former coaches competing against each other," Brandon texts. "It's going to be a huge deal. You and Adam are musts for it to happen, but they're confident they can get just about everybody else on board too, John, Shakira, Miley, even Christina. Everyone is really excited about it. What do you think?"

Blake's heart starts beating a little faster. He doesn't have enough pride to keep from asking the next question.

"Can they get Gwen?"

He waits for Brandon's reply, feeling a little fearful to even get his hopes up.

Finally, Brandon texts back. "They will do everything they can to get her there... especially if that's what it takes to get you."

That's all Blake needs to hear.

"I'm in. Call you when I get out of here."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for all of the comments on the first chapter! I know the concept of them breaking up is not the most pleasant topic to deal with, but hopefully it will be worth it as the story continues :)

Gwen stares at herself in the mirror, her mind racing as she brushes her hair. 

She dreamed about him just last night. Or maybe it wasn’t a dream as much as it was an unconscious remembrance of something that actually happened — a conversation they had one time while lying in bed at Lake Texoma, laughing about all of the crazy hypothetical places they could get married.

"In a deer stand," he had said. 

"On a runway in Paris during one of my fashion shows," she'd countered.

"Let's just do it in your closet, it's big enough to hold at least 30 guests," he'd replied. "Might have to move some of your shoes out of the way." 

Gwen isn't sure why she dreamed about that memory — if it was sparked from all the wedding-related conversations she's been having lately, or if it was actually a premonition of some kind, a precursor to the phone call she received this morning. 

With the call came an offer to be on a newly-pitched Voice revival, a chance to reunite with Adam, Pharrell, Alicia, John, Kelly, other coaches she had never worked with. And of course, Blake. The former love of her life. 

She'd been so flustered and surprised, she didn't even know what to say. She told them she had to think about it and then hung up rather quickly. 

Now she thinks back on her dream last night, one of the many dreams she's had about him since it all ended, and she wonders. 

If this call had come six months ago, she wouldn't have hesitated to say no. She would have known that she didn't have the strength to even look at Blake, much less spend lots of time in the same room working together. 

But now... she looks down at her left hand, the large sparkling diamond on her ring finger. Accepting this engagement ring should mean she can handle all of that. Because she's supposed to be over it. 

After getting ready for the day, Gwen decides she's internalized her thoughts long enough and needs an outside opinion from Sophie, her longtime best friend. 

"They really have a lot of gall to ask me to come on the show with Blake there, don't they?" Gwen muses after filling Sophie in on the prospect.

Sophie chuckles. "What did you say to them, exactly?"

"I said... I said I had to think about it," Gwen admits. "My head is spinning." 

Sophie tsks into the phone, and Gwen knows what she's thinking. "Don't say it."

"You should do it," Sophie says. "You want to do it." 

Gwen scoffs, but inside her stomach is sinking. She should have just said no on the spot.

"I don't know if I can face him," she says softly, curling up on her sofa. "I don't even know what to say to him."

"You'll figure it out," Sophie replies.

Gwen shakes her head. "You know I haven't seen him in a year now? Over a year. I don't... I've tried not to keep up with news about him, but I can't help it. I still do. And I keep waiting to hear he has a girlfriend, like bracing myself to hear it."

"That's all normal considering the relationship you had," Sophie reasons.

"Not when I have a fiancé," Gwen says glumly. She considers yet another reason why it's a bad idea. "It wouldn't be respectful of Robert to go on the show with my ex." 

"Why don't you ask him what he thinks?" Sophie suggests. "Maybe he'll see it differently."

Deep down, Gwen already knows what Robert will say. Sweet, thoughtful, business-minded Robert. He’s going to tell her she should go for it.

Gwen had known Robert Farrah as an acquaintance in the music industry for years, but their paths had never crossed in any significant way. Ten years her senior, handsome and dashing, he’d always been simply another face in the crowd to her - just another powerful man in a world filled with powerful men that she’d had to navigate and deal with during her career.

He'd been married three times before, each wife leaving him a little less rich. But he still had plenty of money to spare, and when she ran into him at an industry party three months after breaking up with Blake, they’d chatted for twenty, maybe thirty minutes. Robert seemed to sense her vulnerability and her heartbreak, and after the party, he immediately began pursuing her with jewelry and flowers.

It might on paper have seemed like too much, but the man was charming and genuine and for someone like her, whose heart had simply had enough, his attention felt nice. She agreed to meet him for dinner while visiting New York City to do a show, and from thereon out, they were together.

Things got serious quickly, Robert professing his love within a month of being a couple. That scared Gwen to death, especially because she couldn't say those words back. She still loved someone else. 

She'd seen the flicker of hurt on his face that first time she didn't reciprocate the phrase, but he quickly hid his disappointment. She knew he didn't want her to feel uncomfortable. He continued to tell her he loved her, though, each time receiving only a kiss in return.

But she'd finally said the words back to him, "I love you, too," one night as he was leaving her house. There were so many good things about Robert - he was generous, he was smart, he was attentive and caring. He was a wonderful father, with two adult children who absolutely adored him, and he treated her sons like princes. There was no reason not to love him back. 

So what if he had brown eyes instead of blue? So what if he couldn’t sing a note on key, didn't sit around the house strumming on the guitar, serenading her? So what if he didn’t make her laugh so much her face hurt, make her heart burst with pride whenever she looked at him?

He was worthy of her all the same, and she was tired of being hurt by wanting something that was too good to be true.

“You should do it, darling,” Robert says smoothly after she explains the situation to him over the phone.

He's currently across the country working in New York, where he also owns a second home. She can picture him right now, probably standing along the wall of windows he has in his living room, looking over Central Park. 

"But Robert… you don’t care that I’d be around my ex-boyfriend?”

“Should I care? You’re marrying me, remember?” he laughs calmly. “Sweetheart, your new album is coming out in a few months. This is perfect timing for you to be on a high-profile project that will allow you to promote your work on a large stage.”

Gwen hesitates, unsure of what to say. She can’t believe Robert isn’t at least a little jealous about the thought of her and Blake working together.

When she doesn’t respond right away, Robert begins talking again.

“My love, this could be your last chance to launch a comeback,” he says. “If this album doesn’t perform… well, you need it to perform, don’t you? And I’m sure they’ll pay you handsomely for your trouble of putting up with the tabloid attention this situation is going to bring.”

Gwen bites her lip. Robert typically doesn’t pay any mind to outside gossip, but she’s already been apprised of some of the judgmental stories that have been published about their quick engagement. Those kinds of stories will definitely only get worse if she and Blake are back on the same show.

“I just…”

“Gwen,” Robert says, his voice a little more questioning. “This is a prized opportunity for you, coming along at just the right time. Being around a certain person shouldn’t… well, it shouldn’t be too difficult for you if the past is in the past. It is in the past, isn’t it?”

Gwen intakes a deep breath. She knows her answer is important. "Yes. The past is in the past." 

"Then tell them yes," he advises one more time. "Honey, I have to go. I'll talk to you later. Love you." 

He is off the phone before she can say another word. 

The proposal had come as a shock. They'd only been together nine months, and it had taken the first few months for Gwen to adjust to being with someone other than Blake. She knew it was really fast, to be engaged so soon. 

But when Robert had gotten down on one knee, at sunset on the beach, telling her how much he loved her and promising to take care of her, she believed him.

For the first time, she was in a relationship that wouldn't destroy her if it ever ended, so she didn't need to worry. 

She didn't want to examine too closely what that really meant, but in that moment, as she said yes and accepted the ring on her finger, she knew she just wanted to feel safe. Safe from having her heart broken again. 

Another call comes in from their wedding planner, Marcy, who is trying to help Gwen decide on a ceremony venue. They've had countless conversations about where and when and how, and yet Gwen still can't commit to a single detail. 

"Have you at least narrowed down what time of year you want to get married? Summer, fall? A spring wedding would be beautiful." 

Gwen bites her lip. "Um... I don't know. Summer might be too hot, fall weather is unpredictable, spring is nice but if it's outside won't there be too much pollen in the air? I don't want our guests to be uncomfortable." 

After a long pause, a perplexed Marcy seems to have an answer. "I'll make a spreadsheet of the pros and cons for each season and account for everything that could go wrong and how we'd address those problems, then send it to you. Any season can be managed, even winter! It's going to be wonderful, Gwen. I'll be in touch soon." 

Gwen tosses her phone down on the sofa, feeling overwhelmed. 

It's ironic that this process is proving so difficult, because before... well, she would have married Blake in that deer stand. Wherever he wanted. 

* * *

"Hey Blake, how's it going? Been a long time." Pharrell's soft voice is upbeat. "I'm really excited about the show, it's a great idea." 

Pharrell sounds genuinely happy to hear from him, and Blake feels a little guilty about his ulterior motive for making this phone call. 

"Yeah man, it's gonna be awesome," Blake says. "I was glad to hear you signed on."

"It's going to be a tight fit with everything I have going on, but they told me it would be two months tops, and only if I make it to the finale. I figured I could swing it." 

Blake nods. "Yeah, for some of the coaches it won't last that long." 

Blake had agreed to do the show even before being told the full premise of the revival, which will incorporate some elements from the original format of the show while accounting for the presence of at least 12 coaches.

The key difference, the kicker, is that each coach only gets one single artist on their “team.” When that artist is eliminated, the coach is done for the season.

“The coaches whose people get voted off the first week won't actually have to do too much," Blake says. "Hope that doesn't include me, though.”

"Oh, I have a feeling you'll be there to the bitter end," Pharrell says. "Is there anyone definitely not participating of all the old coaches?"

"CeeLo is the only one I know so far who won't be there for sure," Blake says. He clears his throat. "And uh, that's actually what I was wondering if you knew... if you had talked to Gwen about it. I haven't heard if she's in or not." 

Pharrell chuckles softly, and Blake can feel his face redden. 

"So _that's_ why you called me," Pharrell says playfully. 

"Sorry man," Blake responds, not even trying to deny it. 

"I just spoke with Gwen this morning, actually," Pharrell says. "She's signing the contract today."

Blake grins widely, putting the phone to his heart for a moment. He brings it back to his ear. "You just made my entire year." 

Pharrell laughs. "All I can say is tread lightly, my friend. But just between you and me... I'm rooting for you."

Blake hangs up the phone, and with a prayer of thanks, he heads outside, appreciating the sunshine. The clouds have lifted, literally and figuratively. 

He's not ready to let her go. And to him, this is a sign he's not meant to. 


	3. Chapter 3

Gwen has it all worked out in her head. 

When she sees him for the first time, she’s going to be friendly. She'll politely say hello. She might even give him a brief side hug, a pat on the back.

She’ll ask how he’s been, offer the obligatory “I’m glad to hear that” response to whatever he says in return, and she’s going to smile, smile, smile.

All she has to do is get through the initial awkward first encounter, and if they can just be adults, be professionals, act like they’re both over everything and fine… then she can get through this.

That’s the plan.

Day One of The Voice reunion, which involves a production meeting with all the coaches and a promotional photo shoot, arrives with a thunderstorm that has made a few of the streets leading to the studio impassable with floodwaters.

As she is chauffeured by a frustrated driver trying to get around the flood-related detours, Gwen takes the extra time to pray about how this experience will go.

Buzz about The Voice reunion began to build rapidly in the media and online as soon as the special miniseries event was announced to the public.

It’s exciting enough that the show was able to secure the participation of 12 superstar former coaches — Blake, Adam, Christina, Usher, Shakira, Gwen, Pharrell, Miley, Alicia, Jennifer, Kelly, and John.

But some of the gossipy subplots — Christina returning after publicly lambasting the show years ago, Adam coming back for the first time after his seemingly bitter exit, the absence of CeeLo, and the dual participation of Gwen and Blake, whose breakup was covered in the media just as extensively as their relationship had always been — are even more enticing.

NBC, which has been last in almost every category in the ratings race for the past two years — coincidentally since around the time it cancelled The Voice — seems to have anticipated this response. That’s why everyone involved was offered a hefty payday in exchange for participating.

Ultimately, Gwen’s willingness to overcome her anxiety about seeing Blake had nothing to do with the money they offered — though of course, that will be a nice perk. Her main focus, she tells herself, the ultimate reason she decided to do the show, is that she will soon release the new album she’s labored over for three years. The promotion she’ll get out of this will be, as Robert put it, “priceless.”

There’s also the joy and fulfillment she experienced on her previous four seasons of The Voice, how she felt mentoring young talent and rediscovering some of her own passion for what she does. She still cherishes those memories.

It would be nice to win, something she never managed to do on the original show, but that’s not a necessity this time, either. She just kinda hopes she can at least last past the first week.

When they finally make it to the studio, Gwen puts on a brave face and enters the main compound, which looks exactly the same as it always did. Multiple trailers are set up surrounding a general sitting area.

Seeing The Voice logo plastered all over everything fills her with happy yet wistful emotions. This is where it all started for her and Blake. The only reason she ever met him, ever knew he was a real person in this world, was because of this show. It gave her so much… and it took so much away from her, too.

Mercifully, the first familiar face she sees is host and producer Carson Daly, who hustles over and greets her with a warm hug.

“Where is everyone?” Gwen asks, looking around. She sees a few crew members milling about, but not nearly the number of people she expected considering the size of this production.

“This horrible weather is making it difficult for people to get here,” Carson says. “The production meeting is probably going to be pushed back until after the photos, so you can go ahead and get ready for that. Once we get all the coaches here, we’ll head over to the photo set.”

“Are any of the other coaches even here yet?” Gwen asks, looking around again.

“Oh yeah, a few,” Carson says, motioning behind him toward another corridor. “They’re all talking down there.”

Gwen looks toward the hallway and can’t see anyone, but she gives Carson a brave smile. “I guess I’d better go say hi.”

He pats her arm as he’s ushered away by another producer, and with shaky legs, Gwen goes to find the other coaches.

* * *

She hears him before she sees him. 

His laugh, lively and boisterous, rings out, making her hands tremble the second the familiar sound hits her ears. 

It always made her feel so good about herself, whenever she was able to make him laugh.

Slowing her pace, she hesitantly rounds the corner where she spots him about 20 feet away, his back to her as he chats in a circle with Usher, Christina, and Alicia.

Gwen stops and stares, unsure of what to do but unable to take her eyes off him.

He always fills the energy of an entire room, not just because of his physical size but because of his personality and his charisma. She can already tell that the other three are enraptured by whatever he’s saying. She knows the feeling.

Before Gwen can make another move, Christina spots her and smiles, waving her over. Blake turns and finally, their eyes meet.

Gwen finds her voice. “Hi everyone,” she says, pasting on the smile she’d practiced, walking calmly toward the group. Alicia grabs her and hugs her first, followed by Christina.

“It’s so good to see you,” Gwen says, focusing on their faces as Blake and Usher hover nearby. She shifts her gaze over to the guys, first acknowledging Usher, then finally resting her eyes on Blake.

All of her thoughts, the things she planned to say to him, leave her head as he looks at her, his blue eyes filled with wonder and sadness and so many other emotions she can’t even identify.

How many times did she look in those eyes, thanking God she had found him? 

She opens her mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. Finally, finally, Blake smiles and says, “Hey there. Long time, no see. How ya doing?”

Relieved, Gwen nods and wipes her hands on her skirt. “Um, I’m doing good. How are you doing?”

She realizes she actually has no idea how he’s doing, and as much as she’s told herself over the past year that he’s probably fine and thriving without her, now she considers that it might not be the case.

“I'm fine,” Blake says tactfully. Gwen is aware that the other three coaches are standing by, probably unsure of what to say or how to involve themselves in this somewhat momentous occasion.

“How are the boys?” Blake asks, his eyes softening. The question puts a pit in Gwen’s stomach.

Explaining to her kids why Blake wasn’t going to be in their lives anymore was one of the most painful parts of the whole breakup, second only to losing Blake’s presence in her own life.

She knows they still keep up with his music, but after a while they stopped asking her about him, seemed to sense that the topic made their mother want to shut down.

Blake had continued to send presents for the boys’ birthdays and for their first Christmas without him, but it just wasn’t anywhere near the same as it used to be. 

“They’re good,” she replies, wishing she could tell him more. Tell him how Apollo is interested in being in the elementary school play, and how King’s band won a talent show. Tell him that Zuma still keeps a small picture of Blake on his bookshelf.

Instead she just says, “Thank you for asking.”

Christina seems to decide it’s time to put them out of their awkward misery, because she throws her arm around Gwen’s shoulders and points further down the hall.

“That’s where we’re getting our makeup done now,” Christina says. “Want me to show you?”

Gwen nods gratefully, giving Blake one last glance.

As she and Christina walk down the hall, arm in arm, Christina lowers her voice.

“Are you okay, girl? That seemed… intense.”

Gwen realizes she has goosebumps up and down her arms, a reaction to the adrenaline flowing through her, a reaction to seeing him. 

“I’m fine, I’m good,” she says, not trying to assure Christina as much as she’s trying to assure herself. “We’re going to be fine.”

* * *

All dressed up with nowhere to go.

After changing into a button-down shirt and blazer, getting his hair “done” and ready for the photos, Blake is surprised to hear that they’re still missing Adam and Pharrell thanks to the weather.

“The guys are both about twenty minutes away in traffic,” a producer tells him. “We’ll get started as soon as they get here.”

Blake paces in front of his trailer, wondering where Gwen went.

He swears — a million colors, like in one of those kaleidoscopes, burst in front of his eyes when he saw her walking toward him earlier.

They handled their greeting pretty well, considering they had an audience and he was about to pass out, but all the meeting did was leave him wanting more, leave him desperate to talk to her again. He needs answers.

Blake starts to head toward a snack table, hoping to calm his stomach enough to eat something, when he almost runs smack into Gwen as he turns the corner.

“Oh!” she exclaims, almost stumbling. On reflex he grabs her arm, and she recovers her balance, looking up at him in surprise. Her makeup has been done, her hair coiffed and sprayed perfectly into place. He can’t believe how beautiful she is.

“I’m sorry,” he says, releasing her arm. “You snuck up on me there.”

“I… I, uh…” Gwen trails off, looking around desperately. “Um, are we still not ready to start? What is happening?”

Blake nods. “Yeah, still waiting on two people. This damn weather screwed everything up.”

Gwen touches her hair with her left hand, and the glint of light that hits her diamond ring catches Blake’s attention. She sees him looking at the ring, and she quickly clasps her hands behind her back.

It reminds Blake that there is an urgency to their situation here, and he needs to fix things as soon as possible.

“Since we still have a few minutes, I was wondering if we could… talk some more, somewhere private,” Blake says, looking down at her face, trying to gauge how open she might be to this suggestion. “We didn’t really get to catch up earlier with everyone else around.”

Gwen shakes her head. “I don’t think that’s a good idea right now, I mean, maybe later or something…”

He grabs her by the elbow, gently. "Please? There are just a few things I need to tell you. Just for a second? Please.”

Gwen's eyes flit around the room, looking for an escape. "I..." 

"Just a second," he repeats, his voice low, soft. Gwen finally meets his eyes, weakening a little in surrender. 

"Okay." 

He exhales, almost afraid to turn his back to her as he leads her to his trailer. He's not sure she's actually going to follow, but she does, her heels clicking away behind him as they otherwise silently walk inside. 

She leans back against the door, clearly not willing to sit down. Blake's throat is suddenly dry. He pours himself a small cup of water and drinks it in one gulp. 

“Do you want something to drink?” he asks. Gwen shakes her head.

"You look pretty," he says, always unable to keep from commenting on her beauty. Gwen just stares at him, her expression unreadable and unchanging.

"You look good too, Blake," Blake says, trying to make light of her silence. He almost thinks he catches the corner of her mouth turn up — but if she is tempted to smile, she quells the urge quickly. 

"Go on," she says softly. "What did you want to talk about?" 

Blake gazes at her, almost unbelieving that he has her all to himself in this moment, for the first time in so long. He can't waste this opportunity.

"You can't marry that guy." 

Gwen blinks rapidly, taken by surprised. "Excuse me?"

Blake doesn't move closer to her, but zeroes in on her face, his eyes trying to pierce hers. "What are you doing, Gwen? You can't marry that guy. This is crazy. You know you belong with me."

Gwen's face cracks, and her facade melts as he sees tears come to her eyes. Her hand reaches for the doorknob behind her, and Blake advances toward her, holding out his hand. "Please don't leave. Please. You told me you would hear me out." 

Gwen's hand drops back to her side.

"I miss you so much. I... I can't believe you don't miss me." He takes her silence, her lack of resistance, as a signal that he can reach out and touch her, just gently, his fingers on her forearm. She doesn't pull away. 

"Don't do this to me, Blake," she whispers, her eyes on the ground. "Please don't do this to me." 

Blake wraps his hand fully around her wrist, though there are still a few feet of space between them.

"Please..." he whispers. "Don't do this to _me_. You know... you know we're supposed to be together. We were supposed to work it out. You weren't supposed to go be with somebody else." 

Gwen gently shakes her arm, urging Blake to release his grip. He obliges, all while moving in a little closer.

"You didn't even call me, for months," Gwen says, finally. "Not until you heard I was dating someone else. You didn't care until then." 

"Bullshit," Blake exclaims, disbelieving that she would ever think he hadn't cared. "I thought you wanted space. I thought if I just gave you time, you'd realize you needed me. Instead you just moved on, like... like we were nothing."

Now it's Gwen's turn to look angry. "I wanted you to fight for me! When you didn't, I... What do you do when you lose the person who saved you from the worst pain of your life? I went into survival mode again. He was there."

"Just like I was there, before," Blake says bitterly. "So. Did he save you too?" 

Blake can't even say the guy's name. Gwen looks away, but he can still see the tears glistening in her eyes. 

"Not in the same way. He doesn't..." she swallows, blinking back her tears so that they're gone. "It's not a fair comparison."

Blake wants to ask why — to ask what's fair about any of this? 

"I still don't understand why... why you were done with me so easily. I don't understand."

"It wasn't easy," Gwen yells, seemingly surprising even herself with her tone. "Dammit, Blake, it was the hardest thing I've ever done, letting you go. But I knew I had to do it. I had to do it because I couldn't let myself... If I just let myself hang on and hang on, like I did before... with Gavin... even when I could see it wasn't going to work out, I wasn't going to survive it again. Especially not when it was you. So I had to cut myself off and let it go before it killed me."

Blake tries to calm his frustration. He doesn't understand anything she's saying. "You can't compare me to your ex-husband. Our relationship was so much better than that. So because we had one rough patch, things weren't going perfectly for the first time in all the years of being together, you decided to cut me out, just like that?"

"It wasn't a rough _patch_ , Blake, and you know it. It went on for almost a year. We started fighting, we never saw each other anymore. Finally, I started to see myself for what I really was — a fool."

"A fool?"

"Yes, a fool to believe two people as different as us could ever work out." 

"And you didn't love me enough to try to _make_ it work?" 

Gwen sighs, her hand turning the doorknob now, opening the door just a tad. "No — I loved you too much. I loved you too much to waste any more of your time." 

She quickly slips out the door, shutting it behind her. Blake stares in the direction she left, then crumples his empty cup and throws it on the ground. 

He’s startled by a knock on the door, but when he rushes to answer it, he’s disappointed to see Adam there, not Gwen. 

“Hey,” Adam says, barging in without asking if it’s okay. “I just saw Gwen leave your trailer, looking really upset. What happened?”

“I fucked up,” Blake says morosely, sitting down and rubbing his forehead. “I’m such an idiot. I, uh… I confronted her about her engagement. It didn’t exactly go like I planned.”

“Yikes,” Adam replies, sighing heavily, sounding a little petulant. “You know we have to take group pictures in like five minutes. You couldn’t have waited, like, a day?”

Blake shakes his head. “Yeah, I fucking know,” he snaps. “Nice of you to finally grace us with your presence.”

Adam laughs at Blake’s snark, but Blake apologizes. “I’m sorry. This isn’t your fault. I just…I haven’t seen her in so long. I couldn’t just be around her and take pictures and pretend like I didn’t have a million questions for her. But it was too much at once. Now I’ll be lucky if she says a word to me the rest of the season.”

Adam pats Blake’s shoulder sympathetically. “Come on, big guy. Let’s go look happy for the cameras.”

Adam and Blake head over to the designated area where the stars will take group pictures all together, then split up for some nostalgic shots featuring the coach groupings from each of their seasons on the original show. Lucky for Blake — that means he and he alone has to be in every single damn picture.

The group of twelve all gather in front of The Voice logo backdrop, allowing themselves to be arranged by photo assistants and then holding still as makeup and hair artists do quick touch-ups. Blake stands in the back, looking over at Gwen on the opposite side of the group to the front, her arm around Kelly.

She must have had her makeup fixed after their tearful confrontation because she once again looks flawless, as if nothing happened. She is smiling as Kelly speaks to her, but Blake can tell it is forced, strained. He hates that he’s the cause of her tension.

Once the full group photos are done, the season-by-season photos begin, first with three of the originals, Blake, Adam, and Christina. They move on, switching in Usher and Shakira, and then finally, they get to the Season 7 and 9 grouping with Gwen and Pharrell.

Gwen refuses to meet Blake’s eyes the entire time, but always a professional, she poses just as the photographer tells her, allowing Blake to put his arm around her as he’s instructed. She angles her body away from his, resting her head on Pharrell’s shoulder.

The season group photos continue, a couple more with Gwen but most without, and Blake has to clown around and smile through each and every one even though inside he feels like dying.

Once the photos are mercifully completed, the group treks back to the meeting room to be briefed on some production details.

Everyone is already aware of the key change — that coaches will only pick one contestant during the blind auditions, then be done filming once that contestant is eliminated.

The rest of the rules are explained to the group, showing how the new format will shorten the whole process from a full-length season to a quicker miniseries event:

  * The blind auditions will take place the same way they always did, except there will initially be twelve coaches to impress instead of just four. Each coach will only get one contestant for their "team." Once a contestant chooses a coach, that coach will be done with the blind auditions. This means coaches have to be extremely selective about which contestants they turn for — once a singer chooses them, that's their one and only shot at winning the competition. 
  * No battle or knockout rounds will take place. Two weeks after blind auditions are done and each coach has a contestant, live shows will begin. Performances take place on night one, and America's voting results are announced on night two.
  * Two contestants will be eliminated each week. When a coach's contestant is eliminated, that coach is done with the show and is only obligated to make a final appearance during the finale episode. The final four contestants will perform during the finale, with the winner announced the next night.



Once the long day of work is finally done, no one wastes any time getting out of the studio — least of all Gwen. She’s gone before Blake can catch one more glimpse of her.

Blake trudges back to his trailer to change clothes, in disbelief at how badly this has gone so far. He hears hurried footsteps behind him, and he looks back to see that Adam is trying to catch up to him.

“You okay, man?” Adam asks, sympathetic. “You don’t look so good.”

Blake shakes his head. “I’m not gonna get her back. I should just accept it now.”

Adam scoffs. “Well, _that_ doesn’t sound like a good plan. You just have to figure out what she needs to hear to let you back in again. Like, what can you say to her that will at least get her talking to you again?”

Blake shrugs. “Uh… probably if I tell her I’m happy for her, wish her well, pretend like I’m cool that she’s fucking marrying someone else. Some shit like that.”

“Then do that,” Adam says. “Tell her that.”

“So… lie,” Blake responds dryly. “That’s really romantic.”

Adam pats him on the back. “It’s the only thing I can think of. Since whatever the hell you did earlier clearly didn’t work.”

Blake has to admit, Adam’s right.

Maybe all hope isn’t lost. After all, she admitted that they didn’t break up because of her not loving him.

In fact, she said she loved him _too much_. Everything she said about why they couldn’t be together, he knows it just isn’t true.

He can still help her see that. He’ll just have to go about it a different way. 


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is kind of a slow burn chapter, but it's needed to set up everything else coming. Serious progression is coming soon! 
> 
> Merry Christmas!

**The Voice Blind Auditions — Day One**

No season of The Voice would be complete without its ubiquitous red chairs.

Twelve of them are arranged in a semicircle around the stage, each adorned with a coach's name on the back. Gwen makes a sweep behind them, trailing along until she finds her own. To her relief, she's on the opposite side of the semicircle from Blake. 

She feels relieved, that is, until she realizes that whenever both of their chairs are turned forward, they'll be directly facing each other across the stage. 

She sighs, getting settled into her seat. It’s been a long week since Blake made his plea to her in his trailer, begging her not to get married. She’s replayed his words over in her head frequently, shaken by the conviction in his voice. She wishes he had said all these words to her over a year ago, the day after their breakup. Weeks after, even, and she’d still have fallen into his arms, allowing herself to be reassured.

Now they’re too far gone. She’s got a ring on her finger and a commitment to someone else. She doesn’t take that lightly. 

Robert flew to Paris for work the day after her confrontation with Blake, and Gwen didn’t think it necessary to tell him about what happened. Deep down, she knows she _should_ tell him **—** surely he’d want to know that his fiancée’s ex-boyfriend made a play to steal her away. She just couldn’t force herself to bring it up to him, especially once he was a continent away. 

And maybe she must admit that there's still a part of her that wants to protect Blake, to keep the part of her life that had been irrevocably entwined with him separated from this new transition with Robert.

Glancing toward the back of the stage where the house band is assembling, Gwen notices for the first time that Blake is standing there, talking to a beautiful redhead wearing a tight blue dress with fringed hem and brown leather cowboy boots.

Blake turns his head in Gwen’s general direction, and Gwen quickly averts her eyes, looking down while pretending to be distracted by her phone. After a moment, Gwen slowly looks back up under her eyelashes to take another glance. Blake and the girl are still talking.

Gwen shifts in her seat, looking around for something else to think about. Her seat neighbor, Kelly, bounces over and takes her place next to Gwen.

“Are you excited?” Kelly asks. “I’m so nervous about this new format. I have no idea how I’m going to handle only being able to pick one person. I always want to turn for everyone.”

Gwen laughs. Knowing Kelly, she’ll have her sole contestant after the first audition. 

Surveying the room, Gwen is perturbed that Blake still hasn’t gone to his chair yet. She leans over a little closer toward Kelly, waving to get her attention.

“Who’s that girl talking to Blake?” Gwen asks, hoping her voice sounds casual. “I don’t recognize her.”

“Oh, she’s a guitarist in the house band **—** isn’t that so cool?” Kelly tells her. “Veronica. She’s so talented.”

“ _Great_ ,” Gwen says quietly, surreptitiously keeping her eye on Veronica and Blake.

Veronica leans in a little, placing her hand on Blake’s bicep as he laughs at something she said. Blake follows her over to the band’s setup, where Veronica picks up a guitar and shows it to him. Blake takes the guitar from her, his mouth agape as he admires its frame.

Gwen looks away, feeling stupid for spying on them. She tries to ignore the sick feeling at the pit of her stomach.

So what if there’s some hot, young girl here who’s awesome on the guitar and makes Blake laugh? That has nothing to do with her. It shouldn’t bother her.

Surely he’s been with other women since they split up. There would have been countless opportunities for someone like him. Gwen taps her foot, chastising herself. That she _definitely_ doesn’t want to think about.

An announcement is made over the loudspeaker, calling for the coaches to get in their places. Gwen secretly hopes this process goes by quickly, but she has no idea what to expect. 

Only being allowed to choose one artist changes everything. The quandary for each coach will be to decide if the person auditioning is worth turning around for and possibly ending up with, or if they should wait to see if someone better will come along. 

Once everyone is ready and seated, the chairs turn around so that the coaches are facing the studio audience, their backs to the stage.

The first singer begins performing, and Gwen is already pretty sure she's not going to be a good fit. The song goes on and on, and once it's over, no one has turned for the artist. 

This awkward process repeats itself two more times **—** it seems all the coaches are a little gun shy, waiting for the perfect performer to come along. 

Finally, the fourth singer, a soulful guy named Mason, earns turns from John, Adam, and Kelly. Mason chooses John. 

Newly emboldened, more coaches begin turning for the performers. Kelly, Shakira, Usher, and Adam pick out their contestants one after the other, which makes Gwen feel a little bit of pressure. But she can't make herself push her button for just anyone **—** something is stopping her each time. 

After a short break, during which Gwen checks her phone and tries to ignore the fact that both Blake and Veronica disappeared backstage at the same time, everyone gets ready for another artist performance. 

As the music keys up, Gwen immediately recognizes the introductory notes of "Linger" by The Cranberries. 

_If you, if you could return/Don't let it burn/Don't let it fade_

The music is stripped and slowed down from the original version. The singer has a raw and emotional voice, perfectly communicating the desperation and confusion of the lyrics. 

Gwen hears another coach turn their chair, so she quickly presses her button, too. She sees from across the stage that the other coach had been Blake.

Quickly looking away from him, Gwen directs her attention to the beautiful, young girl standing there on stage, singing with her eyes closed.

The girl's got on torn jeans, a white concert T-shirt under a black blazer, and a purple stripe down the front left side of her blonde hair. She could have been Gwen 30 years ago. 

The pain in her voice is evident in every line she sings. 

_You know I'm such a fool for you/You've got me wrapped around your finger/Do you have to let it linger?_

When the girl is done, three coaches have turned for her **—** Blake, Gwen, and Miley. As soon as the music stops and the rest of the coaches turn around, the singer begins crying. 

"That was amazing," Kelly says. "If I didn't already have someone, I would have definitely turned for you. What is your name and where are you from?" 

"Lila," she says, wiping a tear away from her cheek. "I'm from Orlando." 

Miley begins her pitch first, praising Lila's voice and her interpretation of such a well-known song. "You definitely have an 'it' factor," Miley says. 

Gwen glances to see if Blake wants to go next, but he nods at her, urging her to speak instead.

"Well, Lila, I was blown away by you, to be honest," Gwen says. "I know what it's like to be up on stage and have so many feelings inside me as I sing, and just wanting the audience to feel what I'm feeling, and you really did that just now. You made me feel what you were feeling. I would love to work with you and see what else you can do."

She glances back at Blake, signaling that she's done. He smiles up at Lila. 

"You're from Orlando, huh?" he asks. "I think Gwen really missed an opportunity there, because she's from the home of Disneyland and you're from the home of Disney World, and I don't know, if she _really_ wanted to be your coach I think she would have mentioned that." 

Everyone laughs, and Gwen can't help but smile a little bit, too. 

"Seriously though, I did have hope for about a nanosecond that I might be able to get you, until both of those coaches turned, too," Blake says. "I really love that song, and I loved how you sang it. You have so much range." 

Gwen and Blake’s eyes meet briefly, and she fights the urge to smile. Of course they turned for the same artist. Even back when they didn’t know each other very well, they were in sync like that.

"Okay, Lila," Kelly says. "Who do you choose as your coach?" 

With no hesitation, Lila looks over at Gwen, giving her a small smile. "I pick Gwen." 

Gwen jumps up and cheers, running over to give Lila a hug. She puts her arm around the young girl's shoulders and escorts her backstage, where they take a picture together for social media. 

"I didn't even ask how old you are," Gwen says.

"I'm 20," Lila replies, looking a little shy. 

Gwen can’t believe how young she is, how much emotion she was able to convey. This girl definitely has a story, something she’s dealing with. Gwen hopes she can help her.

"You're going to do so well on this show,” Gwen tells her. “I'm so excited.”

The two hug again, and Gwen heads back to her chair, passing Blake on the way. 

"Hey," he calls out, making her stop mid-step. "Congratulations. I knew she would pick you. You're perfect for her." 

Gwen feels her face warm. "Thank you," she says softly. She walks back to her chair on shaky legs, the adrenaline still coursing through her. 

She thinks she got herself a winner. 

* * *

Blake has now listened to about 15 contestants, turned for (and lost out on) two, and still has yet to find the right person to coach. 

He's just starting to think he might have to go into Day Two of the blind auditions to find someone when the chords begin to one of his favorite songs, "A Country Boy Can Survive."

It only takes one line of the song for Blake to press his button and turn. The artist, a handsome, rough-around-the-edges guy who looks to be about 30 or so, smiles and points at Blake as he continues to play. 

When the song is over, everyone else turns around, and Gwen asks the contestant his name and where he's from.

"My name is Jesse, and I'm from Mississippi," he says. 

"Jesse, that was crazy good," Alicia says. "I knew not to even bother turning for you because it's pretty obvious who the best coach for you will be."

Blake grins, and he can't help but look over at Gwen to see what she thinks. She seems to sense his gaze on her, and she looks up at him from across the stage. She gives him a small head nod of approval and a tiny smile, then looks away. 

"Jesse, I gotta say, I am _so_ glad I didn't end up with anyone else before you got here," Blake says. "We're gonna win this thing together."

* * *

At the end of a long day, Pharrell and Alicia still need to find their contestants, so everyone is instructed to return in the morning for what will hopefully only be a few more auditions. 

Blake is about to leave the studio when he sees Gwen across the room, heading for the door.

“Gwen,” he calls, causing her to stop and turn on her heel. Seeing Blake, she looks wary.

“Can we talk for a minute?” he asks, taking long strides to reach her quickly.

Gwen’s face is pained. “I really don’t **—** ”

“I need to apologize to you,” he interjects, before she can cut him off and run away.

Gwen pauses, a surprised looking taking over her face. “Oh.”

“That was a terrible position I put you in the other day,” Blake says. “It wasn’t fair and it was completely out of line. I’m really sorry.”

Gwen gazes at him for a moment, still seemingly in disbelief. “Really?”

“Yeah, really,” Blake says. “I made things harder for us from the start, and it was a crappy way to handle it. All I want is for you to be happy, and... I guess I just needed closure." 

He hopes he has his most convincing facial expression on, because Gwen seems to be intently trying to read him. He's not sure if she's shocked, relieved, or dubious. 

"I was thinking," he continues. "What if we started over? What if we made the best of this whole thing and were... friends?” 

“Friends?”

“It’s what we were in the beginning, remember?” Blake says sincerely. “And I gotta say, I think you could go all the way with Lila; I mean, she is phenomenal. I sure as hell plan to take Jesse to the finals, and if we both last that long, that’s almost two months of being around each other... It will suck a whole lot more if we can’t even talk to each other.”

Gwen nods slowly, still hesitant. Blake almost thinks he sees a little bit of disappointment in her face, but that might just be wishful thinking on his part. 

“You’re right,” she says finally. “I do think we both have a good chance of making it to the finals, and I don’t want the friction between us making it awkward for everyone else. So if you’re willing to be, uh, friends and keep it civil, I can do that.”

Blake holds his hand out. “Deal?”

Slowly, Gwen lifts up her hand and places it in his.

Blake looks her in the eyes as he shakes her hand, not wanting to let go. But that would kind of send the opposite message that he just gave her, so reluctantly, he releases her. 

“Deal,” Gwen says. “I guess I’ll see you soon.” She offers up a half-smile and then turns to walk away.

Blake watches her retreat until she’s out of sight. He hates being somewhat dishonest with her, but it’s the only way he can think of to get close to her after the big fallout on their first day back.

He does want to be her friend... for now. But he’s not settling for that. 

She said he didn’t fight for her last time, and dammit, she’s not really wrong. He’s not going to make the same mistake again.

* * *

It's been a tiring day, and Gwen is hoping she can fall asleep the second she crawls into bed. 

But once her head hits the pillow, she finds herself struggling to drift off, instead replaying the entire day's events in her mind. 

She knows she should feel grateful and relieved that Blake extended that olive branch. It will be a lot easier to do her job and focus on Lila if she doesn't have to walk on eggshells any time she thinks she might see him at the studio. 

What he said earlier tonight was what she had expected him to say from the beginning, what she thought he would say when he asked her into his trailer that first day that they saw each other.

But now she's feeling distressed and confused about how he could switch off his feelings so quickly, if he was genuine when he told her that he missed her and they belonged together. 

He says he just wanted closure **—** one conversation was enough for him to get it?

Does that Veronica girl have something to do with it?

"Mama," a small voice says from her doorway, jarring her out of her thoughts. She rolls over and sees Apollo standing there.

"Why are you up, baby?" she asks.

He shuffles over to her bedside, leaning in for her to hug him to her. 

"When can I go to the show with you?" he asks. 

Gwen sighs. The boys have all been so excited about her return to The Voice, and while Apollo was a bit too little during her previous seasons to remember that much about his experiences there, she knows one thing is probably sticking out most in his mind **—** that Blake will be there.

“Maybe in a couple of weeks," she says gently, thinking that she might wait until the first live show to let the boys visit the studio.

She doesn't want to cause any distractions, and frankly, she doesn't know if her heart can handle seeing them with Blake again just yet. 

"I promise you'll be able to go soon, though." 

Apollo nods, looking disappointed. Feeling guilty, Gwen gives him a kiss and sends him back to bed. 

Her phone buzzes on the nightstand, and she looks to see a new text from Marcy, asking if they can meet to discuss wedding options in a few days.

Gwen feels some resistance inside, but she knows she must overcome her anxiety and get on with it. She writes Marcy back offering up a date and time to meet, and turns her phone off completely.

Then she closes her eyes, praying for sleep. Praying not to dream about any cowboys tonight. 


	5. Chapter 5

Gwen's not sure going to Adam's party is a great idea, but it's the night before The Voice's first live show and she doesn't want to be antisocial.

From what she hears, all of the other coaches are going, plus a lot of the crew. It's been a long time since Gwen got to hang out with Adam's wife, Behati, and she also wants to get to see some of the other coaches outside of a work environment.

And of course, there's Blake. Now that they're "friends," there's no reason for her to avoid an event just because he's definitely going to be there, too.

Gwen pulls up to Adam's house, feeling a little grateful for a chance to let loose before the big competition begins. Rehearsals with Lila have been going really well, even if Gwen can tell there's still a part of the young girl that is closed off when she's not on stage.

Lila has told Gwen a bit about herself — that she wants to move from Orlando to L.A., that she has a boyfriend she's been with since she was 15 years old, and that her biggest fear right now is forgetting the words to the song she's going to be singing this week — "Let Him Fly" by Patty Griffin.

"I know this song like the back of my hand," Lila had said earlier today. "But when I sing it sometimes I just want to cry, and then I forget where I am."

They'd gone over the song four more times after she'd revealed this tidbit to Gwen.

Now, Gwen heads inside Adam's house, accepting a glass of red wine the second she's inside. The house is already packed with partygoers, music is blasting, and there's enough food and alcohol to feed an army.

She hasn't had a chance to eat much today, and she figures she'll find a snack here soon. But first — wine.

Gwen finds Behati and gives her a tight hug, then looks for another friendly face, like Kelly or Alicia.

She is making her way to the kitchen, hoping to find some food, when she sees Blake walk into the party. Immediately she feels heat creep up her neck and to her face, and she impulsively fans herself with her hand.

Both have been so busy with rehearsals and preparations, getting their performers ready for the complete spectacle that comes with a live episode, she hasn't had much time to see him around or even worry about what she would say when she saw him.

Now that he's walking in her direction, looking unfairly hot in his typical uniform of a hat and button-down shirt — why do some guys have to make such little effort to look so good — she wishes she had prepared for the next time she was going to be in his vicinity.

“Hey there,” Blake says, keeping his hands in his pockets. She guesses they’re not yet to the phase of their friendship where they feel okay with hugging each other.

“Hi,” she replies, feeling a little shy. “Are you ready for tomorrow?”

Blake nods. “Jesse is a total pro, I think he’s good to go. How about Lila?”

Gwen holds up two crossed fingers. “We’re all practiced out. She just has to go and do what she knows she can do.”

Gwen can’t believe that there’s a small chance she could be done with The Voice in two days if Lila is one of the first to be eliminated. She knows Blake’s very unlikely to go home so soon — he was always The Voice’s most popular coach — but what if his fan base has moved on from the show and doesn’t vote for Jesse?

She has to admit, it would be really sad to be on the show without Blake there, too.

“I hope they both make it through,” Gwen says sincerely.

Gwen excuses herself to go find a restroom, checking her hair and makeup. The party continues to grow, and it seems like just about anyone who has an association with the making of the show is there.

This includes the house band. Gwen has to shrug off a feeling of resentment when she sees Veronica walk in with a few other girls, some of the backup singers who are going to be accompanying the contestants.

Veronica is playing guitar on Lila’s song tomorrow, and during rehearsals Gwen found herself watching the redhead as she performed, wondering how old she is and how long she’s known Blake.

It’s stupid and nosy, she had chastised herself, to be so fixated on this girl when she might not even have any relationship with Blake at all.

Gwen starts to reconsider that rationalization when she sees Veronica make a beeline for Blake, who’s sitting on a couch talking with Adam and one of the show producers.

Blake stands and greets her with a hug — _they’re_ apparently far enough along as friends to do that, Gwen notes — and Veronica beams up at him, talking rapidly, grabbing his arm to emphasize something.

 _You don’t have to touch someone to talk to them_ , Gwen thinks, annoyed. She continues to watch them, slowly sipping her wine.

Veronica stands on her tip-toes and grabs Blake's hat off his head, taking it and examining the logo on the front of the cap. He laughs, saying something to her as he tries to smooth down his unruly hair.

Gwen feels a pang so strong that it makes her stop and examine herself. She hates that this is making her feel the way it's making her feel — her heart beating a little faster, her stomach dropping.

If this party was two years ago, she’d be the one over there with Blake and Adam. She’d be on Blake’s lap, she’d probably be laughing along with him and whatever this Veronica person was saying.

Instead she’s on the outside looking in, out of the loop and out of the picture.

Gwen reaches for another glass of wine.

* * *

Blake stands alone in the kitchen, pouring a small cup of soda. He's looking around for some Jack Daniel's to add to the Coke when someone sidles up next to him, her perfectly manicured hand grabbing a half-empty wine bottle and filling up a glass on the counter.

"Having fun?" he asks Gwen, surprised to see her still here. It's getting late, and he would have thought she'd gone home by now.

Gwen ignores his question, taking a sip of her drink.

"So... you and _Veronica_ ," Gwen says, emphasizing every syllable in the name. "What's up with that?"

Blake raises an eyebrow in surprise. Now that Gwen has spoken, he can tell she's been drinking a lot, something she usually only does on special occasions.

“How drunk are you?” he asks, leaning in closer to get a better look at her eyes.

“I’m not drunk,” she says, annoyed, clearly drunk. “Why don’t you answer the question?”

Blake is torn between enjoying the fact that she’s obviously jealous and feeling indignant that she’s demanding answers from him when she’s the one who’s getting married to somebody else.

"Nothing's 'up with that,'" he says, shaking his head. "She's a new friend."

Gwen nods, incredulity written all over her face. "Yeah, a friend. Okay, sure."

“Well, you obviously don't believe me, but that's the truth. She's just a friend,” he replies, changing his mind about the drink and dumping the soda in the sink. 

Gwen puts her hands on her hips. “Why is that? She’s hot, isn’t she?”

Blake rolls his eyes. “If I went for every girl that was hot, well…” he doesn’t finish that sentiment.

“Don't you? I know you haven’t taken a vow of chastity since you were with me,” she says, stumbling to her side a little. Blake grabs her arm to steady her.

“Why do you even care?” he asks.

“I _don’t_ ,” she says defiantly.

"Okay, then let's not talk about it."

"There's no way you've been alone this whole year," drunk Gwen continues, even though she literally just said she didn't care. "You can admit it."

Blake throws up his hands in frustration. "What do you want me to say? No, I haven't been 'alone' this whole year. Are you happy?"

Gwen looks away from him, glaring at the wall. 

The truth is, he didn't sleep with anyone for all the months he still had hope they would get back together. But when he'd heard that she was engaged, well... it was a dark time. There was another girl or two, nothing serious, one-nighters. He had wanted to get Gwen out of his system.

Instead, he just thought about her the entire time. Closed his eyes and pretended he was with her.

Blake moves around so that Gwen has to face him.

"You say you don't care, and yet you look mad," he says. "You're engaged; you can't judge me for what I've done since I found that out."

"I'm not mad," Gwen says firmly, waving her finger around. "I'm thrilled. I'm _thrilled_."

Bemused, Blake watches her as she stomps out of the kitchen and makes her way back through the living area, bumping into one or two people on her way.

He chuckles in disbelief, then follows after her to make sure she's not going to attempt to drive herself home.

"Where are your keys?" he asks when he catches up to her, grabbing hold of her arm. Gwen looks around restlessly, patting her pockets.

"In my purse," she says, wobbly, sitting down in the nearest chair.

Blake goes to find her purse, which he recognizes hanging in a hallway closet along with the possessions of other party guests. He looks around for someone he trusts who can help him, someone who Gwen trusts, and is relieved to see that Pharrell is still there, chatting with someone by the fireplace.

Blake hurries over and asks to speak with him, then pulls him away from the crowd.

"Gwen is drunk and shouldn't be driving," he says. "I'm gonna drive her home, and I was thinking maybe you could follow us in her car, then I'll give you a ride back here."

Pharrell looks around Blake and sees Gwen, who is bent over in the chair, her head in her own lap. He looks back at Blake, alarmed.

"Yeah man, let's go," he says.

Blake gently taps Gwen on her shoulder, urging her to stand up. "Ready to go home?" he asks.

Gwen, who so recently had been so sassy, looks up at him forlornly, her shoulders sagging. "Okay."

Blake hands her a bottle of water and puts his arm around her waist, helping her to the door with Pharrell following closely behind them. He gets her into his car, then drives down to the road and waits for Pharrell to pull behind them in Gwen's car.

"What is this thing?" Gwen mumbles, resting her forehead against the passenger window. "This isn't your truck."

Blake smiles. "It's a rental," he says. "I don't have a car in L.A. anymore because I don't live here anymore."

"Oh, yeah," Gwen says, her voice tired. "Your truck must be in Oklahoma. Where the wind comes sweeping down the plain..." she trails off, humming the title song from the musical, "Oklahoma!"

Blake laughs softly. They'd watched that movie together more times than he can remember. He'd sit back and smile in amusement as Gwen sang every song, sometimes quote the lines along with the characters. She always made something as mundane as watching a movie you'd seen a hundred times more fun, embracing it with childlike enthusiasm.

"Are you taking me home?" she asks.

He laughs again at her befuddled expression. "Where else would I be taking you?"

"You remember where I live?"

"You haven't moved in the last year and a half, have you?"

"No."

"Then yeah, I remember."

They ride in silence for a while, and Blake looks over to see that Gwen has fallen asleep with her head against the window. He swallows back a lump in his throat.

They are about a mile from her house — what used to be his house, too — when Gwen shifts in her seat.

"Where am I?" she asks, looking around the car confused.

"Almost home," Blake says.

He stops at a red light, and as they sit there waiting for it to turn green, he's surprised to feel Gwen lean in closer to him. She takes his right hand off the steering wheel and pulls it to her, wrapping both of her hands around it.

Blake is too stunned to say anything, to even know what to say. Gwen leans her head back against the seat, closing her eyes again, just holding his hand in her lap.

Blake gets through the gate at her house and maneuvers his way down the driveway. After putting the car in park, he reluctantly removes his hand from Gwen's hands and gently touches her face.

"Hey Sleeping Beauty, we're here," he says.

Gwen stirs, and Blake goes around to the passenger side door so he can help her out of the vehicle. Pharrell parks Gwen's car in the driveway and then walks alongside Gwen and Blake to the front entrance.

Coming back here after so much time away, knowing that he's only dropping Gwen off and not going inside with her like he used to, fills Blake with grief.

He isn't sure who's going to be on the other side of the door when they knock. He's hoping the kids aren't up to see their mother so disoriented, but he also doesn't know what he'd do if he saw them — or what they'd do if they saw him.

He hopes they'd be happy to see him, but he's not sure... he's not sure if they're mad at him that he left their life so abruptly. It kills him to think of it.

To Blake's relief, the nanny on duty is the only one there to greet them. Gwen turns to Blake and Pharrell, already appearing chagrined.

"I'm sorry for being such a mess," she says. "I owe you guys." She gives Blake one last regretful look.

After she's gone inside and the front door closes behind her, Blake looks at Pharrell.

"I've never seen her like that before," Blake says, shaking his head.

"Something is definitely going on with her," Pharrell agrees. "Thank you for watching out for her. You're a good man."

Blake drives Pharrell back to the party so he can retrieve his own vehicle, then heads back to his empty hotel room.

Having just come from Gwen's warm, inviting home, the one where he once had a family, to this neutral, sterile suite is almost too much to bear.

The way she reacted to him and Veronica, the way she took his hand in the car when she wasn't thinking clearly — her love for him is still there, even if she won't say it just yet.

She has to be somewhat close to admitting to herself what she really wants — but with time ticking away, the show's eliminations beginning, and her wedding looming somewhere on the horizon, Blake hopes it doesn't take too long for her to figure it out.

* * *

Gwen timidly knocks on Blake's trailer, her stomach turning as she waits for him to answer.

She'd woken up that morning with the worst hangover she'd had in over a decade and a horrible, vague memory of attacking Blake about his hypothetical relationships with other women.

A clearer memory was that of him taking her home, making sure she got inside okay. Chills ran through her entire body when she remembered and realized what he did for her — how much effort he went to to keep her safe.

Gwen, on the other hand, couldn't be more ashamed of herself for her decision to drink so much and for her behavior afterward. Even more mortifying than needing to be driven home like an irresponsible teenager is the fact that she acted so blatantly territorial over Blake when she has absolutely no right to do so.

They'd made a truce for all of a couple weeks, and she'd gone and ruined it already. She just hopes now she can explain herself and they can forget it ever happened. And then she'll have to try her hardest to rein in these intense pangs of jealousy she's been feeling every time she thinks about Blake with someone new. Someone like him won't be single forever, or even for much longer. She will have to accept it, whenever the inevitable happens.

Blake opens the door, and his eyes widen in surprise when he sees her. She takes in the sight of him, amazed at how simply locking eyes with him can make her have to catch her breath.

"Hey," he says hesitantly. "How are you?" He opens the door further so that she can come inside.

"I wanted to apologize to you for my behavior last night," she says as she walks past him. "I'm so embarrassed... I had too much to drink and I hadn't eaten anything all day, and I don't remember exactly what I said to you, but I know it was immature and stupid, and I'm swearing off wine for the rest of the year."

The corners of Blake's mouth turn up slowly as she rambles. 

"I also..." Gwen trails off. “I wanted to thank you for making sure I got home okay. You didn’t have to do that, but it’s not… it doesn’t surprise me that you did. That’s just who you are.”

Blake shrugs, staring at her for a moment. “I guess I still want to take care of you,” he says honestly. “I wasn’t going to let you fend for yourself in that condition.”

Gwen blushes, hoping she never actually remembers just how ridiculous she acted last night. "I'm really sorry. That was so unlike me, and I..."

Blake nods in agreement. "I know it wasn't like you. And I've been there before. It's okay."

Gwen looks around his trailer, not wanting to leave just yet.

"Did I… did I sing?" she asks, biting her lip. “In your car on the way home, did I sing?”

Blake chuckles. “Um, sort of? More like hummed.”

“Oklahoma?” she asks.

“Yeah.”

They share a smile, and Gwen has to force herself to look down when she feels it has gone on a little too long. “I haven’t seen that in a while.”

What she doesn’t say is that for a long time, any mention of the state of Oklahoma or anything to do with it made her feel like crying. It kind of still does.

“Um, I also wanted to give you a heads up… the boys are going to be here tomorrow night for the results show,” Gwen says. She watches as Blake’s eyes light up.

“Oh wow,” he says, his hand going to his forehead. “Great, I… I can’t wait to see them. Is it all right with you if I say hello to them?”

Gwen can’t believe he thinks he even needs to ask. “Of course. They can’t wait to see you, either.”

“Really?” Blake sits down, and she can tell he is still processing this information, his mind probably running in a thousand directions. The look on his face makes her heart ache. She resists the urge to reach out and touch him.

“Yeah, really,” Gwen assures him. “Well, I guess I’d better go. I’ll see you later tonight, and uh, good luck. I mean that.”

Blake smiles in appreciation, and Gwen leaves his trailer, shutting the door behind her.

She had been waiting to bring the kids to the studio because of her own emotions, but after seeing Blake’s reaction to hearing that they’ll be there, she feels overcome with guilt for putting it off at all.

He loved those kids so much, and they loved him. They still do.

All of a sudden, she can’t wait for their reunion.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Every time I went to edit this chapter to try to make it shorter, it somehow got longer, lol. As always, thanks so much for all of your feedback on the previous chapters.

Gwen cuts her salmon into tiny pieces, hoping Robert won't notice her lack of an appetite.

One of Robert’s most notable characteristics is his power of persuasion. The man could sell bark to a tree. It’s why he’s so successful in his career, and how he had gotten Gwen to agree to a date with him the very first time.

So even though the first Voice live show had been held earlier tonight, and Gwen was exhausted, she had acquiesced when he pressed her to go out to dinner for some time alone together.

"Have you made any progress with the wedding planner?" Robert asks, eyeing her from across the table.

He's been purposefully hands off when it comes to wedding plans, repeatedly telling Gwen that he wants her to do anything that makes her happy. All that matters to him is that it fits his schedule to be there, he laughs. She wonders if he just really doesn’t care.

"Not really," Gwen says, forcing herself to take a bite of the salmon. "I promised Marcy we would pick a date really soon."

Robert nods. "I'll have my secretary send her my calendar with some possible dates that would work for me."

Gwen tries to pay attention as Robert tells her about some of his newest clients, forthcoming records he's excited about, but her mind keeps drifting off. She can’t help but think about tomorrow night and wonder whether she should bring the boys straight to Blake's trailer so they can all see each other right away, or if she should hold back and just let the meeting happen naturally.

"Sweetheart, did you hear what I just said?"

Gwen blushes. "No, I'm sorry... my mind’s a little on overdrive right now."

"I just asked how the show went tonight," Robert says. "Was it only the performances?"

"Yes, and the results are tomorrow. It went well, I think. Lila — that's the name of my artist — is extremely talented. She was perfect."

Robert nods absently, glancing down at his phone. "I've just got a text from my realtor," he says. "He's been scouting out some new houses that just went on the market. We may want to start looking at a few he's noted here soon."

Though they've been a couple for about a year now, Gwen and Robert don't yet live together. Their houses in L.A. are only a few miles apart, and there has never been a real reason or urgency to merge their homes.

But now that they're getting married, it makes sense to start thinking about a new start together in a new house.

Gwen chews her food slowly, hesitating before asking Robert how "soon" he intends for them to make an offer on a place.

"Within a couple of months, I'd think," he replies.

Gwen puts down her fork. That quickly?

"Well... it might take a while for my house to sell," she says.

Secretly, it pains her to think of leaving that house. They'd only been there for a couple of years as it was, having relocated after her previous residence with Gavin sold as part of the divorce.

She'd made a home there with Blake and the kids… then she’d had to adjust to Blake's memory lingering in every room after he moved out.

Deep down, the house feels like her last big, tangible connection to her relationship with Blake. It shouldn't matter to her anymore... but when she moves out too, she won't have anything left at all.

Robert shrugs, not noticing her hesitation. "We'll handle it; I'm sure it will be quick to sell."

Gwen is quiet, biting her tongue to keep from offering up any more arguments to his plans.

"Are you all right?" he asks after a few minutes of eating in silence.

"Yeah," Gwen says, forcing a smile. She looks back down at her plate, wishing her heart would catch up to her head. "I'm fine."

* * *

Blake finishes putting on his jacket, then takes a deep breath and leaves his trailer, looking around for any sign of the kids.

Gwen had said they would be there tonight, but so far he hasn't spotted them. He's tried to delay his departure for the staging area as long as possible, hoping to see them before the show, but it's about that time. He's got to get going.

Stuffing his hands in his pockets, Blake walks toward the exit and is almost to the door when he hears a little voice call out.

"Blake!"

He turns and sees two boys — somehow so much bigger than the last time he saw them — running towards him from across the room.

His heart in his throat, Blake stops and waits as Zuma and Apollo crash into him, one after the other. Bending down to embrace them both, he looks up and sees Gwen and Kingston trailing behind, walking toward him together.

"Hey guys," Blake says, hugging them at the same time and struggling not to cry. "How are y'all doing?"

"Blakey, I've got a pet hamster now," Apollo says, proudly, tugging on Blake's sleeve. "His name is Monster. Mom, show him a picture on your phone."

"He doesn't care about your hamster," Zuma says. "Blake, how is Betty? Is she here?"

Blake laughs, the boys' enthusiasm making his heart swell. "No, I'm sorry buddy, she's not here. And I do want to see that hamster."

He looks up at King, who is starting to resemble a full-grown adult.

"Hey man," Blake says, unsure of how to approach the older boy, unsure if King will be as happy to see him as the younger kids. "How's it going?"

King walks forward, putting one arm around Blake for a quick hug.

"We miss you," Kingston says softly, so quietly Blake thinks it must be so that Gwen doesn't hear him.

Blake grabs both of King's shoulders, squeezing them gently.

"I miss you guys so much," he says, just as quietly. They exchange a look of understanding, and then Blake glances up to see an emotional Gwen crossing her arms, surveying her kids.

"Boys," she says, her voice scratchy, "we have to head to the stage now, so you guys need to go over there and wait for us, okay? We'll be back in an hour. King, make sure they behave."

"I want to go with Blake," Apollo whines. "We just got here!"

Blake looks down fondly at the littlest boy, the one he had been blessed to watch grow from the time he was still a baby. Their bond had been strong from the very beginning, the innocent child never knowing a life without Blake in it. Until recently.

Gwen bites her lip, clearly holding back tears. "I need you guys to stay here, okay? Blake will be back after the show, and you can talk to him some more then."

Blake ruffles his hair. "I'll see you real soon, okay? I promise." Apollo nods, looking disappointed.

Blake and Gwen walk away together toward the door, and Blake can't help but turn back to take another look at the kids.

“I’m sorry they were running late,” Gwen says quietly. “They just got dropped off. I was hoping they’d be here earlier, so you’d have more time with them.”

Blake looks at her, appreciating the sentiment.

“God, I miss them,” he tells her, not knowing what else to say.

She nods, looking him in the eyes. “I know you do.”

* * *

Blake can hardly concentrate during the show, thinking about the kids waiting for him afterward. 

The last time he saw them, he didn't know it was going to be the last time.

He had come to L.A. to try and talk to Gwen about the problems they were having, the distance — both physical and emotional — that had been growing between them. He only had a couple of days to spare in between paid commitments out of town, and Gwen was getting ready to take the kids away on vacation — a vacation he couldn't make because of work. 

The argument they had is now a blur to him — it bleeds together with memories of fragments of numerous other arguments they'd had during that same time period — but all he knows is it ended with her crying, asking him to leave, telling him that she thought they needed to take a break from each other. That she couldn't do this back and forth anymore. Something had to give. 

He was surprised. How long of a break? What could a break accomplish better than trying to work things through?

He didn't want to do it, but he'd agreed to give her space — whatever she wanted. She said she would call him later — he would leave town and she would go on vacation, and they'd talk when they talked. 

He thought after they cooled off, they'd patch things up. He gave each of the boys a hug goodbye, telling them to have fun, telling them to behave for their mom. 

And then, the next time they spoke, over a week later, Gwen told him she had been thinking hard about everything, and she had made up her mind. She asked him to move his things out of the house. 

"What the hell, Gwen?" he'd said, feeling blindsided. They sat on the phone in silence, him quiet because he was shocked, her quiet because she was crying. 

Things had been hard for them for a while, but he had never expected it to come to this.

"Can you please have your stuff gone before we get back?" she'd asked, sounding tortured. "I don't want the kids to have to see you moving out. It will be too upsetting." 

That rationale made sense. He didn't want the kids to be overly affected by the confusing time he and Gwen were going through. It would be easier if he was moved out before they returned. 

He tried to fight Gwen on taking such an extreme step, but she would not be convinced. 

"I'll move my stuff out, but I plan to move it all back in later, because we're going to work this out," he'd said. "We've gone through too much for it to end this way." 

Gwen hadn't responded, already withdrawing herself from the conversation. 

"I love you," Blake had said, right before they hung up. "I'll move out, but it's not because I don't love you. And I love the kids. Please tell them that. Tell them I'll see them soon."

He truly believed that. He truly believed that space and time was all she needed to come back to him. 

Instead, it was over a year later.

He’d never moved back into their house, she'd gone on to date and get engaged to someone else, and he'd never gotten to explain to the boys why he was just gone without warning.

He knows Gwen likely told them enough to make them understand. And he tried to show them from far away that he still cared, sending them presents for special occasions.

But he knew none of that could make up for his absence from their life, for the confusion they probably felt about why he was no longer there with them. 

If he could go back, he'd change how he had handled some things — agree to less work engagements, make more of an effort to coordinate his schedule with Gwen's, be more attuned to her feelings so that he wouldn't have been so shocked when he realized she wanted to break up. 

He had gone through some bad shit with Miranda — the end of their relationship had been ruinous, irreparable. That was not the case with Gwen. He would have done anything to make it work once they identified what their problems were. In his mind, it was one hundred percent fixable.

Gwen was the one who walked away, who moved on so quickly.

He thinks back to their first conversation in his trailer, what her explanation for him was — _“If I just let myself hang on and hang on, like I did before... with Gavin... even when I could see it wasn't going to work out, I wasn't going to survive it again. Especially not when it was you. So I had to cut myself off and let it go before it killed me."_

He wishes she would have told him that this was how she was feeling back then. He would have fought harder to make her see that they weren’t going to end up like her and Gavin. Made her believe like he did that they could get through anything together.

Blake's attention is brought back to the television show in progress when he hears that they're about to announce the first group of contestants who are safe from elimination. 

He tries to catch Gwen's eye from across the stage a few times, but she keeps her gaze focused on Carson. Blake can tell she is nervous, the way she wrings her hands together, the way she holds the tight smile on her face. 

Thankfully, once the first batch of results are announced, neither he nor Gwen have to sweat out the rest of the night — both Jesse and Lila are safe. Blake leans back in his chair, the tension released from his shoulders. 

The next time he looks over to Gwen, he finds that she is staring at him. She gives him a small smile, then a thumb's up.

"Congrats," she mouths to him. 

"Congrats to you," he mouths back. 

After another long thirty minutes — during which it’s announced that Miley and Jennifer’s contestants are the ones going home first — the show is finally over.

Blake practically races back to the main studio, where he finds Apollo and Zuma throwing a Nerf football back and forth.

“Can I play?” Blake asks as he approaches them. Apollo’s face lights up, and he throws the ball as hard as he can at Blake, hitting him in the stomach.

“Owww,” Blake yells, exaggerating for dramatic effect. The boys laugh, and he tosses the ball back to Zuma.

As they throw the ball around, Blake notices Gwen walk up, standing against the wall to watch them from a distance.

He’s not sure, but he thinks she might actually look… happy.

* * *

Gwen is running late for her first rehearsal session of the week with Lila, and an apology is on her lips as she approaches the practice room.

But she completely forgets what she was going to say when she gets to the doorway and sees Lila red-faced and crying, clutching her phone in her lap.

“What happened?” Gwen asks, alarmed, running over to hug Lila. “Are you okay?”

Lila shakes her head, crying so hard she can’t talk. Gwen holds her for a few minutes as she sobs. Eventually her crying subsides enough for her to accept some tissues.

“It’s my boyfriend, Jacob,” Lila says, wiping her face with Kleenex. “He fucking cheated on me again.”

Gwen sighs, hugging Lila’s shoulders. “How did you find out?”

Lila shakes her head, the torment on her face all too familiar to Gwen.

“We have a long-distance relationship because he’s at college, in Michigan,” Lila says. “First it was a girl at a frat party. He said he was sorry and that he would never do it again. Now he just told me that he ‘slipped up’ last week and had sex with a girl who lives in his dorm.”

Lila tells Gwen that Jacob has made her feel guilty for not going to college with him, for expecting him to go weeks or months at a time without sex because she’s so far away.

“So it’s _my_ fault when he cheats on me,” Lila says, shaking her head. “I don’t know what to do. I love him, but he makes me feel so…”

Gwen wishes she didn’t see so much of her old self in Lila. She’d known there was something so similar to her own pain from the first moment she heard Lila’s voice during the blind auditions. She tries to choose her words carefully, not wanting to sound judgmental or preachy.

“I know exactly how you feel,” she says gently. “I was with someone for a long time who cheated on me and made me feel like his behavior was my fault somehow, and I held on for way too long and wasted so much time with him.”

She looks down at the floor, thinking back on her relationship with Gavin. Of all the time she spent trying to put together puzzle pieces that were never going to fit. Of the countless nights she spent in tears, of the songs she wrote to work out her misery, the years she wasted.

“For some reason, I thought that I could change him… but all he did was drag me down with him,” she says. “And then, after I finally got out of that, I found someone else, someone who treated me like… like I was priceless. He showed me what love really was, and I realized that I had been settling all that time for someone who made me feel like I was worthless.”

Gwen pauses, remembering those early days with Blake, how astounded she was to realize that you could be in a relationship with someone and not feel put down all the time, not have to worry about being cheated on, not have to do anything except support each other and love each other.

And she thinks about how she let the damage inflicted by Gavin for all those years eventually infest her mind again, seeping its way into her relationship with Blake. How she let the pain of her toxic marriage reinforce fear in her heart that she’d go through it all again the next time she dared to be happy.

That was why she’d ended it with Blake when she did — once things got rocky, she grew terrified that they weren’t going to be able to overcome their problems, that she was destined to experience heartbreak when she loved someone as fully as she loved him.

Lila sits quietly, staring at Gwen. “How long were you with the cheater for?”

Gwen laughs bitterly. “Um, way too long. Basically the same length of time you’ve been alive. Twenty years.”

Lila’s mouth falls open.

“Yeah, I know,” Gwen replies, shaking her head. “Believe me, I know it’s not easy, and I know that nothing anyone says will make up your mind for you. But I will just say… there is someone out there who won’t cheat on you, and won’t lie to you, and will make you feel so beautiful, and if you just wait, and don’t waste your time with the wrong person… you’ll find him.”

Gwen looks down at her engagement ring. She wishes the person who gave her this ring was who she was thinking of right now.

But instead, all she can think of when she thinks of the kind of love she wishes for Lila… is the kind of love she had with Blake.

“And hopefully,” Gwen continues, “you won’t let the bad you experienced in the past ruin the good you can have in the future.”

_Like I did_. 

* * *

Gwen is heading back to her trailer after the rehearsal session with Lila when she gets a text from her record producer, telling her to check her email for a song that has just been sent over.

It’s one of the tracks slated to be on her new album, the last song she recorded and the only one she hasn’t yet heard fully produced. 

The song, one she wrote over two years ago about Blake called “Magic,” is one of the few happy tracks she’ll have on the album. She didn’t want to include it at all after the breakup — its hope and happiness about their love seems morbid now considering what eventually happened to their relationship.

But the record company wanted something upbeat, something positive to offset all the sad, introspective songs that she had written post-breakup. She’d offered this song up as a compromise.

The timing of receiving the finished song leaves Gwen feeling a little shaken. After her conversation with Lila, she had been unable to stop thinking about Blake for the rest of the rehearsal. She was hoping to go home and do something — anything — to get him off her mind.

So much for that.

Gwen is about to go to her trailer and listen to the song in private when, lo and behold, she spots Blake coming out of his own trailer.

She hadn’t gotten to speak to him after his reunion with the kids, and she’d wanted to talk to him about it, to make sure he was feeling okay. She figured it would be hard and emotional for him to see them, and she wanted to know that he was all right.

“Blake,” she calls out, catching his attention. Blake turns, and his eyes light up when he sees her. He hustles over to her quickly.

“I think it went well the other night,” she says when he reaches her. Blake turns his head in slight confusion.

“With the kids,” she clarifies. “They were so happy to see you, and it seems like they had fun... Well, they always have fun with you.”

Blake nods, a dimple appearing in one cheek. “It was great to spend time with them.” He clears his throat.

They stand in silence for a moment, and Gwen hesitates, a thought brewing in her mind.

He's probably going to hear all the songs she wrote about him eventually, she thinks, and the first single off her new album is likely going to be one of the more angst-filled tracks.

Before he has to relive the painful part of their relationship when he hears her sad songs, maybe it would be nice to let him listen to the happy song first. 

She takes a deep breath, gathering the courage to ask.

“Um… I was actually heading to my trailer, to listen to a song that I’m putting on my new album,” she says. “I was just thinking… maybe you might like to hear it, too?”

Blake looks touched and surprised all at the same time. “Wow, really? I mean, of course. I’d love to hear one of your new songs.”

Before she can over-analyze whether this is really a good idea, Gwen turns and leads him to her trailer.

They settle down on the couch together, and Gwen scoots over a little, making sure to keep an appropriate amount of space between them.

She realizes her hands are trembling as she fumbles with her phone to start the song. She turns up the volume on the speaker and fixes her eyes on Blake as the notes key up. 

The song is about genuine love, expressing her adoration and gratitude for the man of her life. She’d named it “Magic” because, well, it was one of her favorite words. And so much about what she and Blake had shared had been magical to her.

As the lyrics progress, Gwen watches Blake remove his gaze from her, shifting his eyes down to the floor. He shakes his knee rapidly, closing his eyes.

She wants to reach out and touch him, is dying to know what's going on in his mind, wondering if he's going to be unhappy with her for putting songs about them on her album.

When the track ends, Blake looks up at the ceiling, then presses his lips together. “That’s really… well, what can I say? It was amazing. I expected nothing less from you.”

"You mean that?" she asks, her heartbeat quickening. His opinion still means so much to her. She didn't realize how much she yearned for his approval of the song until right this moment. 

Blake starts to stand up, and Gwen realizes he's getting ready to leave, that he looks upset.

"It was mesmerizing... the lyrics... well. It sounds like you're really happy," he says, his face grim. “That’s great, I get it.”

Gwen pauses. Does he... does he think she wrote this recently? Does he think the song is about _Robert_?

He pats her on the shoulder and starts to head for the door.

"Wait," she says. He stops and turns back in her direction, but his sad eyes look past her.

“You don't understand,” she says. “I wrote this song the day after you won the Grammy."

Blake’s head shoots up, his eyebrows raising.

“Remember that night?" she asks. "I was so proud of you. I was so happy for you.”

Blake gazes at her, his face softening in realization.

"You wrote this that long ago? The song is..." he doesn't finish the sentence, so Gwen does it for him.

"It's about you. I wrote it when I was with you."

Blake seems to be at a loss for words. He sits back down next to her, looking at the ground. Gwen waits it out, knowing he just needs to find his train of thought. Finally, he speaks.

“Of course I remember that night,” he says. "You think you were proud of me? I was so damn proud to have you there with me. I... you were the most memorable thing about that night for me. Celebrating with you."

Gwen takes a deep breath. "There are other songs about you on the album, about everything that happened. They're not mean, I promise," she says with a small smile. "But I wanted you to hear this one first. I wanted you to remember this one when you listen to the others."

Blake reaches out and touches her knee. “I can’t believe you wrote that about me. That was absolutely beautiful.”

He leans in closer to her, and she realizes that he wants to hug her. Gwen’s smile drops, but her gaze doesn’t leave his face. She moves a little nearer to him, and he opens his arms to take her in his embrace.

As he squeezes her to him, she lets her face fall against his chest, breathing in his scent and letting herself be enveloped in his warmth. He holds her for a moment before pulling back and looking at her, his face dangerously close to hers. She feels that familiar magnetism, the indelible connection rising between them.

She's scared he's going to try and kiss her. She's scared that if he did, she might let him — she might do something that would be completely contrary to her character. And yet, she is frozen in place — unable, unwilling to move away.

Instead of kissing her, Blake rests his forehead on her shoulder, burying his face in her neck. He tightens his arms around her waist, and she lets her hand come up to rest on his head, her fingers moving slowly, mindlessly through his hair. They just sit there like that for a minute, holding each other — grieving what they had and what they lost.

It’s been so long since she’s had him this close to her. Every inch of her skin that touches his is tingling with recognition of a feeling it had missed.

After a moment, Gwen hears voices outside her trailer, and the noise brings her back to reality. She slowly pulls away, attempting to disentangle herself from his clutch.

“Blake,” she says softly, her voice hoarse.

Blake releases her, keeping a hand on her knee.

“I think I'd better get going," she says regretfully.

_Before something happens_ , is what she doesn't say aloud.

He squeezes her knee, looking at her fondly as he stands to leave.

“Thank you for sharing that with me,” he says. “Damn, you’re amazing.”

_We were amazing_, she thinks.

Gwen takes a deep breath, shrugging one shoulder. She shouldn’t say what she is about to say, but she wants him to know.

“I’ve never been more inspired to write a love song than when I was with you.”

He looks at her, his fiery blue eyes burning through her.

She’s not sure how long he stands there at the door, just staring at her, before finally, he turns the handle and departs.


	7. Chapter 7

Her entire body vibrates with pleasure as he runs his hands up her legs, taking his time to massage her skin from her ankles all the way up to her thighs.

He grips her waist and moves on top of her, capturing her mouth with his for just one brief moment. She is ready to protest as he moves away from her before she realizes that he’s now traveling back down her body, tracing her collarbone with his tongue, exploring her with his mouth.

“Blake,” she whispers, encouraging — begging — him to continue moving further south by gripping his curls, gently pushing his head down as he kisses his way from her breasts to her stomach. “Yes, please… Blake…Blake…”

_Beep! Beep! Beep!_

The sound of her alarm startles Gwen out of her dream with a start, a rude and sudden interruption. She awakens with a pounding heart.

As she reaches over and turns the alarm off on her phone, Gwen buries her face in her pillow, embarrassed to realize what she was just dreaming about.

She sighs and rolls over, almost gasping when she sees Robert awake and sitting up in bed, staring at her.

“Sleep well?” he asks.

His voice is a little off, and Gwen feels heat rise to her face. Dear God. Surely she didn’t say Blake’s name in her sleep?

“Good morning,” she says, sitting up quickly. “Yeah, uh, I slept really good, actually. I can’t believe I made it to my alarm without waking up on my own.”

“Hmm,” Robert says. 

His facial expression gives nothing away, and there’s no way in hell Gwen is going to ask for confirmation about what she thinks he might have heard her say.

She forces a chuckle and avoids eye contact with Robert, picking up her phone and trying to act naturally as she checks her email.

Robert rubs her arm to get her attention. Gwen looks over quickly and smiles before returning her eyes to her phone.

“I had my calendar for the next six months sent over to the wedding planner, did she tell you?” Robert asks.

“Oh, uh… let me see,” Gwen says, scanning her emails. Yep, here’s one from Marcy from two days ago. She vaguely remembers seeing that one come in. Somehow Gwen hadn’t gotten around to reading it yet.

Gwen opens the email and sees that, based on Robert’s schedule compared to Gwen’s, Marcy is suggesting several different wedding dates in October or November.

“Four or five months away?” Gwen asks, her pulse beginning to race. “That’s like, really soon.”

Robert tilts his head to the side, brushing her cheek with one finger. “I thought we agreed that it didn’t need to be a long engagement.”

Gwen doesn’t reply. It had been such a blur when they first got engaged — she was a bit in shock that it had happened at all, and then she was determined that if this was the decision she was making, the future she was choosing, that she had to be all in. So, yeah, when Robert said they should get married within a year, she told him that was fine with her.

A year from now, two years from now — what would be the difference?

But now, seeing these dates in black and white, the reality of the situation is hitting her a little harder. 

“Let me think about this for a bit,” Gwen says, putting her phone away. She gets out of the bed and starts making her way to the bathroom.

“What are you doing?” he calls after her.

“Um, I need to take a shower.”

After that dream, make it a cold one.

* * *

Gwen has been at The Voice set working with Lila for only thirty minutes and already she has two missed calls from Robert. It’s very unlike him to call more than once — he’s usually patient and waits for her to respond after the first missed connection.

Gwen excuses herself from the practice room to step out and see what’s up.

“Did you think any more about the dates the wedding planner sent you?” he asks, his voice sounding urgent.

“Oh, um, not yet,” Gwen says. “Why don’t we wait and talk about this when I get done with work?”

“I’m thinking October 24,” Robert says, pushing forward. “That gives us four and a half months to throw something together, and the weather should be very nice.”

Gwen shakes her head, confused at the sudden interest from him in speeding things up. “Robert, I… I don’t know. Can we talk about this later? I’m in the middle of rehearsals.”

“Sure, sure,” he says. “Listen, I was thinking it’s about time I make it down that way to meet your artist, Lila, and see how the whole experience is for you. I don’t want to miss out on seeing you in action before you’re done with the show.”

Gwen’s eyes widen, and she tries to come up with a plausible reason why that’s a not a great idea.

“Well, actually, right now isn’t a good time,” she says. “I’m really busy working on getting Lila ready for her next performance.”

“Oh, I wasn’t talking about right now,” Robert laughs. “I meant one of the actual shows. Isn’t there one tomorrow? I’d love to come and watch.”

“Oh.” Gwen can’t think of any conceivable excuse why that wouldn’t work. “I guess so.”

“Great, we’ll plan on it then,” he says. “I’ll talk to you soon. I love you.”

“Love you,” Gwen murmurs before hanging up the phone, feeling uneasy.

She is about to go back inside to Lila when she hears talking down the hallway, the chatter coming from an adjacent room. One particular name makes her stop, perking up her ears.

“Blake is _so_ fucking hot.”

Gwen still doesn’t know everyone in the house band, but she recognizes the distinct New York accent belonging to a backup vocalist named Tara.

“God, I know,” another female voice says. It’s Veronica. Gwen’s stomach turns a little. She wants to go far, far away and not have to hear any more of this conversation, but her feet stay planted in place, her legs refusing to move.

“He can get it any day of the week,” Veronica says. “I keep throwing out hints that I want to go out with him. I thought he might be interested, but he hasn’t done anything about it.”

Despite herself, Gwen smiles, glad to hear this tidbit. She is about to quit her eavesdropping when she hears Tara tell Veronica that she should make the first move on Blake.

“Why don’t you ask him to get a drink or something? Play it off as friends at first, and then when you get him alone, just jump his bones.”

Veronica laughs. “That’s a really good idea, actually. I’m going to do that. I can’t wait anymore.”

Gwen goes back into the studio, and Lila smiles at her.

“I feel really good about tomorrow night,” Lila says. “Do you feel good?”

“Yeah,” Gwen says weakly, Veronica’s voice echoing in her head. “You’re going to be great.”

* * *

Blake grins at Jesse as they wrap up their run-through for the next night’s show.

“You keep getting better every time you do the song, man,” Blake tells him.

“Thank you,” Jesse says, taking off his guitar. “It’s all because of you, honestly.”

Jesse puts the guitar back in its case and looks at his phone. “My wife’s plane just left, so she should be getting here in a few hours. Can’t wait to see her.”

“That’s so awesome that she’s able to come and watch you this week,” Blake replies, smiling. “Man, tomorrow is going to be a great night.”

Jesse looks at Blake and shakes his head, laughing. “You are in _such_ a good mood today,” he comments. “Is it because I sound that good, or is it something else?”

Blake shrugs, smiling to himself. He admittedly has been in a good — a great — mood ever since the other day when Gwen shared her song with him. The song she wrote about him.

A song that had lyrics about loving someone completely, never wanting anyone else, cherishing their magical connection. A song that included the phrase, “You’re my forever.”

Sure, she had written it a couple of years ago, before their breakup, but still — he knew the connection that she sang of was still there.

The fact that she had felt comfortable enough sharing the song with him — that she had gone from only a few weeks ago trying to avoid eye contact with him to now inviting him into her trailer for such an intimate experience — the tide was turning, he could feel it.

“It’s because of a girl, isn’t it?” Jesse asks. “Who is it?”

Blake laughs, shaking his head. “Damn, am I that obvious?”

Jesse nods. “Yeah.”

Blake sits back down, staring down at his hands. “This stays between us, okay?”

Jesse moves in closer, intrigued. “Of course.”

“You probably know that Gwen and I used to be together,” Blake says, looking off. “Well, I’ve kind of got this plan to get her back.”

Blake smiles to himself, can hardly believe the hope he feels swelling inside.

“It’s not even a real plan, I guess. I actually don’t really know what the hell I’m doing, but I think…” Blake pauses, looking up at Jesse. “I don’t know, I think it might just be working.”

* * *

Blake hasn’t heard anything from Gwen either way, but he’s hopeful that she might bring the kids to the set again for tonight’s show.

After seeing them last week, he somehow found himself in a pet store downtown, looking at freaking hamster toys. Hamsters are weird little creatures.

After buying a toy car equipped with a hamster wheel that he knew Apollo would love — something called a “Critter Cruiser” — Blake then went to another store and picked out a hat for Zuma and a football for Kingston.

The gifts are ready for the kids whenever he gets the chance to see them again, which he hopes will be very soon.

Exiting his trailer about a half-hour before the show, Blake is surprised to see Veronica waiting for him outside his door.

“Hey Blake,” she says, moving toward him and reaching out her arms. He gives her a brief hug, looking around.

“How’s it going? What brings you over to my neck of the woods?” he asks.

She smiles up at him, and he notices her face is a little flushed.

“Well, I… I wanted to see if you wanted to like, hang out sometime,” she says. “Maybe after the show tonight?”

“Oh…” Blake says, unsure of how to respond.

“There’s this little bar my friends and I like to go to sometimes, and I was thinking it would be a great place to go grab a drink, maybe shoot some pool,” Veronica says, her fingers grazing his forearm. “It’s so awesome… they’re all very chill there, even when celebrities come by, so no one will bother you.” 

“Wow, uh, that sounds cool, but…”

Blake is about to give an excuse for why he can’t go when, over Veronica’s head, he sees Gwen walking in alongside a man whose face Blake knows very well.

He’s never met the man before, but thanks to the number of times he’s jealously looked at photos of this same guy and Gwen in online news articles, he knows right away that it’s her fiancé, Robert.

Robert has his hand on Gwen’s back, guiding her through the room as she looks around, searching for something. She spots Blake, and a troubled expression falls over her face.

Veronica turns to see what has taken Blake’s attention away from her, and she realizes that he’s staring at Gwen.

“Oh, cool, we finally get to meet Gwen’s fiancé,” Veronica says, oblivious to the reaction Blake is having to the same thought.

He really feels like he might throw up. Looking around for an escape, he wonders if he can make it to the exit before Gwen and Robert come anywhere near him.

“We should probably head to the stage,” he says to Veronica, turning and starting to walk toward the door.

“Uh, wait, I think they’re coming over to us,” she says.

Blake turns back and sure enough, Robert is walking directly — purposefully — toward him, as Gwen trails behind, her face pale.

“Shit,” Blake says under his breath.

“Mr. Shelton.” Robert holds out his hand when he reaches Blake. “Nice to finally meet you.”

Blake clears his throat, trying not to look at Gwen as he shakes Robert’s hand.

“Yeah, uh, nice to meet you,” Blake says, his voice tight. “Robert, is it?”

Robert gives him a sly smile. He must know that Blake is fully aware what his name is. “Yes, Robert Farrah. Gwen’s fiancé.”

Blake nods, unable to fake any enthusiasm. “Yeah, I heard.”

So this is the guy. The one who was able to convince Gwen within a matter of months that she should spend the rest of her life with him.

He’s got perfectly styled salt-and-pepper hair, perfectly straight white teeth, is wearing a perfectly pressed suit. Just _perfect_.

The two men stare at each other for an awkward moment, until Veronica holds her hand out in between them.

“I’m Veronica Clark,” she says to Robert. “I’m in the band here.”

Robert shakes her hand. “What do you play, Veronica?”

As Veronica begins explaining her role in the band and the instruments she knows how to play, Blake shifts his gaze to Gwen.

The expression on her face is one of remorse, or maybe it’s pity, he’s not sure. She seems to be trying to apologize to him with her eyes, and all he can wonder is how she could bring Robert here and not give him any warning.

The pictures of them together were bad enough. Seeing them live and in person is a million times worse. The least she could have done was let him know ahead of time that this was going to happen so he could have mentally prepared and then made sure to be _anywhere_ but right here in this very uncomfortable position.

"Congratulations on your engagement, by the way," Veronica says to Robert and Gwen. "When's the big day?" 

"Oh, we don't really know," Gwen starts to say.

"Probably late October," Robert interjects.

Blake almost chokes. "Of this year?" 

"It's not official, yet," Gwen says quickly, looking only at Blake. Robert puts his arm around her.

Maybe it's Blake's imagination, but there seems to be a challenge in the older man's eyes.

"Well, there's no need to wait too long when you know you've found the right woman," Robert says pointedly, pulling Gwen in closer to him. 

Blake clenches his fists, and he feels Veronica place her hand on his back. 

“That's so awesome, guys," she says. "Well, we were just heading out to the stage, so we should get going.”

“But the show isn’t for another thirty minutes,” Gwen says softly, still looking at Blake. He stares back at her, trying to read her mind or at least figure out what she expects him to say. 

Does she not see that he just wants to get out of this situation as fast as possible?

He sees Gwen’s eyes flit over to Veronica, and then he remembers her jealousy at Adam’s party — the way she’d drunkenly questioned him about Veronica specifically before asking him about his sex life in general.

“Veronica and I were just going to go hang out a little bit together before the show,” Blake says, catching Gwen’s eye. He notices her face turn pink, and he puts his hand on Veronica’s back. “We’ll see y’all later.”

Blake nods at them, and he and Veronica turn to walk off together.

It takes every ounce of his strength not to turn back around to see the look on Gwen’s face.

* * *

Gwen had realized it was a mistake not to warn Blake about Robert showing up the second she saw Blake's stricken expression.

The pain that briefly flickered on his face before he replaced it with a mask of ice made her stomach hurt. 

She doesn’t know why she didn’t think to tell him. Part of the issue is that she was so flustered with Robert’s behavior after her, um, dream about Blake, that she was worrying more about Robert’s reaction to Blake than vice versa.

Once they arrived, Robert had firmly stated that he wanted to meet Blake, had started heading in Blake’s direction as soon as he saw him. Gwen had wanted to disappear into the floor.

Their introduction was tense and awkward, and she’s pretty sure everyone involved noticed — except for maybe Veronica.

As Blake and Veronica head out together, Gwen watches them go with a sense of longing filling her heart.

She’s not supposed to feel this way. She’s not supposed to be standing next to the person she’s marrying, wishing she was the one walking away with someone else.

She turns and looks up at Robert, wondering what he’s going to say now that he’s finally met Blake.

“Huh,” Robert remarks. "He’s really tall.”

Later, after leading Robert to his seat in the audience, Gwen gets settled in her red chair and stares straight ahead at Blake, who is looking down at his phone. She tries to will him to look up at her, but he seems set on refusing to do so.

Two agonizing hours later, the episode is finally over.

Lila gives another fantastic performance, garnering a standing ovation from the audience and the ten remaining coaches. All in all, Gwen feels pretty great about Lila’s chances of making the top eight.

It also makes Gwen feel happy when Jesse performs well, nailing his song.

She roots for all the contestants to do well, hates to see anyone give a weak performance. But there’s no point even trying to deny it to herself — Blake’s guy getting through to the next round is what she’s most invested in after Lila.

When Gwen and Robert return to the main compound after the show, Blake is already coming out of his trailer in a more casual shirt, his jacket gone, a ball cap on his head. He must have changed quickly, and Gwen wonders if he was trying to get out of there before seeing them again.

Gwen wants more than anything to be able to pull him aside, to tell him how sorry she is for everything. But there’s no way she can do that with Robert glued to her hip.

Suddenly Veronica is there too, walking up to Blake and taking his arm. Gwen feels acid rise in her throat. She can hear everything they say.

“You ready?” Veronica asks him, gazing up at him with a lascivious look in her eyes.

Gwen’s heart plummets as Blake smiles down at the girl, allowing Veronica to loop her arm through his.

“Let’s go,” he says.

Gwen can do nothing but stand there and watch them leave.

* * *

Two beers and three games of pool later, Blake only feels worse about the night, not better.

Did he want to hurt Gwen when he left with Veronica right in front of her face? No.

Did he want her to feel an inkling of what he feels every time he thinks about her with that asshat? Maybe.

It’s just all so stupid and childish, and it’s not going to get him anywhere.

He thinks back to the five minutes he spent with the engaged couple together. Yeah, it wasn’t very long, but for the life of him, he can’t figure out what Gwen might see in the guy.

Besides being good looking, Robert seemed stiff, humorless, bland. Maybe that was just because of the situation, but even so. Blake just can’t see them together. Someone as full of life as Gwen needs someone to match her step for step.

She’s with the guy for some reason, probably a good one. But it can’t be love.

Veronica comes around the pool table with her cue stick, moving in close to Blake.

“Are you done with this game, cowboy?” she asks. Blake winces, thinking of how Gwen used to call him that.

“Yeah, I think I pretty much suck at this,” he says, forcing a smile and heading back to sit at one of the bar tables set up against the wall.

Instead of sitting across from him, Veronica stands in front of him, moving between his legs, placing her hands on his thighs.

“What if we called it a night and went back to my place?” she asks, her voice husky. She leans in closer.

Blake doesn’t move as she brings her lips to his, kissing him lightly. She breaks off the kiss before he can even react.

“I live like five minutes from here,” she says.

Blake stares at her for a moment, feeling like a total scumbag. He should have never come here with her when he knew damn well he wasn’t interested in what she was interested in.

“I… I don’t think that’s a great idea,” he says gently. “I just… it wouldn’t be right.”

Veronica’s face falls, and she backs away a few inches.

“Why not? Blake, I’m not asking for your hand in marriage,” she says. “I’m not even asking for you to be my boyfriend. I just think we could have some fun.”

Blake sighs. “I’m sorry, I just… I can’t.”

He’s not looking for fun. He’s looking for more. With just one person.

* * *

Gwen can't take her eyes off of Blake's hands. 

He's on stage during the results show, performing a cover of "A Little Less Conversation" by Elvis Presley with Jesse, and all she can focus on is his fingers as they strum his guitar. 

It’s the first time she's gotten to see him perform live in so long. Watching him in his element like that always does something to her, takes the attraction she already feels for him and magnifies it about a thousand times. 

She hasn't gotten to speak to him tonight yet, and even though they're not technically on the outs — they didn't exchange any harsh words before or during or after the encounter with Robert yesterday — she knows she owes him an apology for how it all happened.

She's also trying to temper her negative emotions about him leaving with Veronica after the previous night's show. 

It’s not just jealousy, she realizes. Facing the stark reality of him and another woman being together left Gwen feeling like she’d had the wind knocked out of her.

Blake sneers seductively as he plays to the crowd, and Gwen shifts her gaze from his hands to his mouth. She wonders if Veronica got to experience last night how talented he is with both. 

The thought makes her want to punch something. Probably Veronica.

Gwen had told Robert after the show last night that she had a migraine, so he'd dropped her off at her house and departed for his own. 

She couldn't help fibbing in order to get out of him staying the night with her — she had too much on her mind, and there was no way she'd be able to hide that from him. She was frustrated with him and with herself. 

Why had he insisted on going over to meet Blake? Was he feeling jealous and possessive, even though he was the one who had insisted she do the show, insisted that her working with Blake wouldn’t be a problem? 

And why did he declare that they had a wedding date set when she's agreed to no such thing? 

The more resistance Gwen feels inside at the thought of committing to a date at all, the more she thinks they need to think about postponing the wedding indefinitely. Maybe put Marcy on a retainer and come back to her later when — if — Gwen is ready to think about all of these details.

She just doesn't know how to say all this to Robert. She doesn't want to hurt him. 

It's not his fault she's having cold feet, and part of her thinks if she can just get through the end of the show, her mind will be clear again, like it was before, like it was the day she accepted Robert's proposal. 

She was so sure that day that a future with Robert could be good enough for her. 

It's Blake's presence that's confusing her now.

How can she push away the thoughts of what they had, the kind of love he gave her, when he's always around? She thought she had locked those feelings away, safely stored in a compartment in the back of her mind that she never dared to open. 

It's open again now, and she’s starting to think she's never fully going to be able to keep it shut. 

* * *

“Blake, please wait.”

Gwen’s plea doesn’t catch Blake by surprise. He knew she would come to him. There is some invisible pull between them, drawing them together, and she may not want to admit it, but he knows it’s there.

That’s why she’s here now, standing in front of him, holding out her hands like she wants to touch him.

“I’m really sorry about yesterday,” she says, the regret evident in her voice. “I should have told you he was going to be here.”

Blake shrugs. “You don’t owe me anything, right?”

“I do, though.”

Blake examines her intently, wondering what she really means and what she wants him to say. He decides to ask the biggest question on his mind after yesterday’s introduction.

“So… October, huh? That soon?”

Gwen’s face falls, and she shakes her head. “I don’t know why he said that. We haven’t decided anything yet.”

Blake looks up at the ceiling, wondering if he dares to ramp up his line of questioning. He exhales.

“Does he do that often — speak for you and decide things for you?”

Gwen’s face tightens. “No, it’s not… he really isn’t like that normally. I was surprised he said that.”

“Why do you think he did, then?” Blake tilts his head. “Is it because he was talking to me?”

Gwen looks down at the ground, then back up at Blake. “I think he’s a little jealous of you, yeah. Because of our relationship. In the past.”

Blake stares at her. “If it’s all in the past, what does he have to worry about?”

She returns his stare but doesn’t answer.

Blake moves in closer, noticing her earrings for the first time. They’re shaped like feathers. He realizes they’re ones she got from his mother’s store in Oklahoma, several years ago.

He reaches out to touch one of the earrings, his fingers grazing the sensitive skin just underneath her ear. He hears Gwen draw in a sharp breath the second she feels him touch her.

“You still like these, huh?” he asks softly, his hand brushing some hair back behind her ear so he can see the earring better. He lets his hand fall, caressing the side of her neck before resting on her shoulder.

People buzz all around them, talking, laughing, moving around, heading out for the night.

But Gwen seems unaware of it all as her eyes lock with his.

“I…um... yeah,” she whispers, so quietly he can barely hear her.

He squeezes her shoulder gently, releasing her. This isn’t the right moment to push further. With Lila and Jesse making it through to the next round again, they still have more time.

He won’t press tonight. But soon.

“Hey,” he says, leaning down. He brushes his lips against her cheek, a gentle, soft kiss. “Don’t feel bad about yesterday. We’re good. I’ll see you later.”

After one last smile he begins to walk away, but he can’t help himself this time. He turns back to look at her.

She’s staring down at the ground. And touching her cheek where he kissed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you are feeling a little impatient - never fear, a big turning point is coming in the next chapter ;)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm very sorry I didn't get a chance to respond to all of the comments on the last chapter — I really appreciate every single one! Y'all give me life, thank you <3

Gwen doesn’t like how Jen is eyeing her from across the table as they sip their coffee, out for their semi-regular brunch date on a slow Saturday morning. 

Her sister-in-law is one of the people who knows her best, so Gwen figured it was going to be hard to maintain the facade of normal and carefree during this outing when inside she feels like she has a thousand pounds weighing on her heart.

That’s why she isn't really surprised when, after five minutes of casual conversation, Jen asks her what's wrong. 

Gwen tries to play dumb for a little longer. "What do you mean 'what's wrong'?" 

"You sound anxious," Jen says. "You don't sound happy."

"I don't?" 

Jen tilts her head, giving Gwen a "come on" expression. Gwen sighs. 

"Okay, maybe I am a little anxious lately. There's a lot going on."

Jen smiles up at the waiter as he comes to take their food order, then turns her serious face back to Gwen after he’s gone.

"You've barely talked to me about working with Blake again, but I know that's been a big deal for you. Is that what's bothering you, something to do with him?" 

When it comes to her family, Gwen has purposefully remained tight-lipped about her experience with Blake so far. Why? She doesn't want them to look at her the way Jen is looking at her right now — concerned. Expectant. Maybe even a little suspicious.

Gwen knows that pretty much all her close family members thought she was rushing too quickly into the engagement with Robert.

After seeing her make a home with Blake for years before agreeing to marry this guy they barely knew so fast — well, they were understandably surprised. But she made it clear she didn't want them to press her too hard about her reasons. She just wanted them to be happy for her and let her make her own decisions.

They respected that for the most part, after some gentle questioning — asking if this is what she really wants, if she's sure he's the right person for her. There was nothing obviously objectionable about Robert for her family — he was stable, successful, nice, accepting of her boys. It was Gwen they seemed to be worried about most.

Gwen assured them all as much as she could that she knew what she was doing, even when there were times that she really didn’t believe it herself. 

Jen seems to be the main one who always manages to get Gwen to spill exactly how she’s feeling eventually.

"It's been hard," Gwen admits after thinking about what exactly she wants to confess. "I keep thinking about Blake and everything that happened. I feel sick when I see him hanging out with this other girl on set, this musician he's friendly with. I have dreams about him. I thought that with so much time gone, and being engaged to someone else, that I'd be able to handle being around him. But I'm not doing too well with it, at all." 

Gwen holds her clenched fist up to her heart. "I just have this tightness in my chest whenever I’m in his vicinity, and it's like I can’t breathe, and I need relief, and I don't know what to do to get it,” she says. “And then whenever I go back to Robert I feel... I feel guilty. He wants to set a wedding date, really, really soon, and now every time he talks about it, I just want to run away... I feel cornered.”

Gwen exhales heavily, shaking her fingers out at her sides.

"There you have it. Is that clear as mud, or what?" She forces a pitiful smile. 

Jen shrugs, nodding her head. "It seems pretty clear to me... you need to call off this wedding.”

Gwen’s eyes widen, and her heart starts beating faster. The thought of embarrassing him, of hurting Robert like that, is inconceivable. 

“When I think of a word to describe how someone should feel before her wedding, ‘cornered’ is not one of them,” Jen continues. 

Gwen knows that’s true, but she is nothing if not loyal and committed. She can’t imagine how difficult it would be to completely back out on such a huge promise she’s made to another person, a promise to be his wife.

She says this to Jen, but her sister-in-law seems unbothered by that sentiment.

“Forget about how he feels for just a minute. Tell me, why exactly are you marrying him?” Jen asks. “And don’t say because he asked.”

Gwen starts to stammer. “Well, I… he treats me well.”

Jen nods. “That’s good. What else?”

“Because I know he’s a good man, and he wants to take care of me, and we enjoy each other’s company...”

Gwen searches her brain, knowing there are other reasons she said yes to his proposal. But her mind is going blank.

“Nowhere in that list did you say because you love him,” Jen responds. “Which probably should have been the first answer, right?”

Gwen is quiet. She doesn’t know what to say. After a moment, Jen sighs. 

"Gwen, do you still love Blake?"

"Jen!" Gwen exhales heavily, putting her hand to her stomach.

She knows it's a question other family members and friends have probably wanted to ask her over the last year — but no one has had the courage, until now. 

She meets Jen's eyes, feeling that familiar tightness in her chest. "Don't ask me that, please."

Jen stares her down. "Why not? Why don't you want to answer the question?" 

Gwen looks down at her plate, her desire to eat completely gone. 

Deep inside, she knows that to answer the question truthfully — to Jen or to herself — would be a betrayal of her fiancé. She can’t bring herself to do it.

"Some things are better left unsaid," Gwen replies.

Jen starts to speak again, but Gwen holds up her hand. 

"Please, Jen," she says, begging with her eyes. "Just leave it alone." 

* * *

Blake watches in amusement as Apollo runs around in a circle, yelling about the hamster wheel car that Blake has just presented to him.

"Monster got a car! Monster got a car!" Apollo screams, pure joy on his face. Gwen and Blake look at each other and laugh.

"That hamster is going to be crashing all over my house now," Gwen says jokingly. "Thanks a lot." 

Blake had been pleasantly surprised when Gwen and the boys had walked onto The Voice set Monday night, not long before the top eight performance episode was about to begin filming. He was relieved to realize that they were there without Robert.

King and Zuma give Blake a hug after opening the presents he got them, and Blake looks up to see Gwen watching them with an expression that he can’t quite read.

“You didn’t have to do that,” she says, standing across from him. “But that was really sweet of you.”

King comes over to lean in close to his mom, and she puts her arm around him. He’s almost as tall as her now, which catches Blake off guard. He feels like the boys have grown a ridiculous amount since he last got to be a regular part of their lives.

"You guys are out of school now, right?" Blake asks King. 

"Yeah, for now," he replies. " _Thank God_." 

Gwen pinches his arm, and Kingston shrugs. “Sorry,” he says.

"Yeah, they got out a few weeks ago," Gwen confirms. Her eyes light up in realization. "Wait a second... your birthday is this week. On Thursday." 

Blake presses his lips together and nods. "That it is." 

"What are you going to do? You'll be back home, right?" she asks.

When they were together, his birthday was always a much bigger deal to Gwen than to Blake. If he wasn’t working, he'd have been fine doing nothing, but she always had to plan something for him, make it a big to-do.

She'd get him special gifts, have the kids make him something, get the family all together for cake and pizza — whatever she could pull off for him depending on their schedule. 

"Actually, I'll still be here," he says, shrugging. "I'm doing a couple of charity shows here, the day before and the day after my birthday, to benefit the Red Cross."

Blake had been able to get back to Oklahoma almost every week since The Voice revival began, usually heading there for at least two days in between shows and rehearsals to check on things at his ranch. 

But that wouldn't be the case this week, and since he didn't really care about his birthday, he hadn't even thought about his charity shows conflicting with any possible celebrations. 

"But you're not doing a show on your actual birthday?” Gwen asks. “What are you going to do that day, then?" 

Blake shakes his head. "Nothing. Just relax at the hotel, I guess."

Gwen frowns, seemingly not understanding his nonchalance. “All by yourself?" 

Blake laughs at her dismay, patting her on the arm. "I'll be okay,” he replies. “Don't you worry your pretty little head about me."

“Mom,” Kingston says, looking up at Gwen. "Can _I_ go to one of Blake’s shows?" 

Blake meets Gwen's eyes, but he doesn’t say anything. He doesn't want to overstep his bounds by telling King he can come to a show if Gwen is against the idea. 

“Um… you’ll have to ask Blake," she tells King after a slight pause, some conflict evident in her eyes.

"Of course," Blake says. "I'll get you some backstage passes to Wednesday’s show."

He looks over at Gwen. "You want to come, too?"

Gwen hesitates, but Kingston tugs on her arm. "Yeah, mom, you have to come," he urges. "It’ll be like old times." 

Gwen looks between King and Blake, who both give her their best convincing smiles.

"Well… who can say no to that?" she asks, hugging Kingston to her. 

Blake tries to hold back the huge grin that wants to break out on his face. “Great. I’ll set it all up for you two. That will be really cool.”

It’s almost time for the show to start, so Blake and Gwen prepare to head to the stage. Blake calls out a goodbye to Apollo and Zuma, which inspires them to come running back over to give him a hug.

Gwen plants kisses on top of the boys’ heads, then joins Blake as they walk toward the exit.

“Hey, thanks for being willing to bring King to the show,” he says quietly. “I know you’re really doing it for him.”

Gwen gives him a sidelong glance, pursing her lips as she formulates a response.

“I… it’s no problem, really,” she says finally. “And to be honest… I really want to see you play, too.”

Blake almost wonders if he heard her right, wonders if she really just admitted that to him.

He tries to catch her eye, but she looks straight ahead as they continue walking. 

* * *

The top six performers are announced the next night, and Gwen, Blake, Adam, Pharrell, Kelly, and Alicia are revealed to be the remaining coaches moving on to the next round with their contestants.

Gwen hugs John and Christina, whose performers have just been eliminated, then hurries over to Kelly to try and talk to her alone.

She hasn’t been able to stop thinking about what Blake told her the night before, that he’s going to be all by himself on his birthday. Over the past 24 hours, she’d decided that she couldn’t just sit on this information and do nothing about it. 

"Are you guys busy on Thursday?" Gwen asks quietly when she catches up to Kelly.

Kelly laughs. "Oh my God, we're always busy. But uh, this Thursday? I don't think we have anything planned. The kids are going to be away at summer camp until Friday."

Gwen tells Kelly all about Blake’s birthday predicament, that she’s worried he’s going to spend the day by himself because he’s stuck in L.A.

Kelly makes a face. "Oh, that sucks." 

"I know — he _can't_ spend his birthday alone," Gwen says. "Right?" 

Kelly shakes her head fervently. "Of course not. I didn't even realize his birthday was coming up. What were you thinking we should do?"

Gwen shrugs, trying to play it off as if she hasn’t gone over multiple options in her head for the past day, wondering what she could do for Blake to make his day less lonely. Ultimately, she’d decided to recruit Kelly, one of Blake’s oldest friends here, and Brandon, his manager, to make sure he was taken care of.

"I don't know; I was just thinking… maybe you and Brandon could take him to dinner and make sure he does something fun, that he's not all by himself doing nothing. Something to make the day special." 

Kelly thinks for a moment, then claps her hands excitedly. "Ooh, I know! We'll have a dinner party for him at our house. We'll have a bunch of people come over. It will be so much fun. Ooh, I can get him a cookie cake." 

Kelly’s zeal makes Gwen laugh. "That sounds good,” Gwen says. “Just make sure the birthday boy is willing to show up."

Kelly scoffs. "Are you kidding? I'll have him kidnapped and carted over if I have to.”

Gwen can’t help herself from hugging Kelly in appreciation, and Kelly squeezes her back tightly.

“And you'll come too, right?" 

Gwen is taken aback. "Oh…well, I... of course. Just let me know what time." 

In all her planning and plotting for how she could make sure Blake wasn’t alone on his birthday, she never actually envisioned herself spending time with him, too.

But now that she has an invitation, she knows she wants to be there. She wouldn’t miss it for anything.

* * *

Though the concert venue isn’t nearly as large as other arenas where Blake has held sold-out shows before, the atmosphere of the intimate, historical club in West Hollywood is still packed and buzzing about twenty minutes before showtime Wednesday night.

Gwen and Kingston arrive via a private entrance and maneuver their way through the backstage chaos to find a good spot to sit and watch Blake from behind the scenes. 

Gwen knows there isn’t that big of a difference between a direct lie and a lie of omission.

So while she hasn’t _lied_ to Robert about her whereabouts tonight, she also hasn’t actually told him where she was going, and that’s probably just as wrong.

This has become a pattern in recent months, her holding back information from him — not always about her actions, but often about her feelings and what she wants.

In this instance, she just doesn’t think he would understand. She couldn’t bring herself to turn down Kingston’s request to attend the show. The boys miss Blake so much, and it’s not fair to them that because she and Blake had problems, they had to lose someone who had been a father figure and a friend to them for a good part of their childhood.

She knows that Robert especially wouldn’t understand why she decided to come along and watch the show _with_ Kingston.

That’s probably something she’d have a tougher time explaining.

After all, she could have gotten someone else, someone like Todd, to bring Kingston to the concert if she really wanted to avoid being here.

But that’s the thing — she does want to be here. She wants to see Blake play. And it’s self-indulgent to come here knowing her fiancé wouldn’t like it.

But she’s here anyway.

Gwen and Kingston sit in two folding chairs set up for them near some sound equipment, and Gwen looks down at her phone, wondering when Robert will try to call her again.

He departed for a two-week work trip to London three days ago, and aside from some short calls and texts, they haven’t spoken much the past few days. 

It’s been a good thing and a bad thing. A bad thing because she knows she needs to sit down and talk with him about how she’s feeling, her doubts about the wedding, her doubts about _them_.

But the part of her that wants to avoid confrontation, that is terrified of talking to him about how she really feels, is relieved that right now, when he’s an ocean away, she has an excuse not to deal with any of it.

Gwen’s eyes are searching the people meandering around the backstage area, crew members setting up and getting ready for the show, when Blake finally appears in her line of vision.

When he sees her and King, his smile could light up an entire town.

“Hey guys,” he says, strolling quickly over to them. “You made it.”

Kingston stands up to give Blake a hug, and Gwen, feeling awkward and not sure what to do, stands as well, her arms crossed. Instead of trying to hug her, Blake reaches out and strokes her arm once.

They stare at each other, and for just a moment, Gwen feels like they are the only two people in the room.

“Thanks for having us,” she says, trying to think of something else to say and coming up with nothing.

The lights dim out over the crowd, so Blake prepares to head out on stage for his show.

“Good luck,” Gwen tells him. He gives her a grateful smile as the music to “Neon Light” begins playing.

Gwen and King sit back down, and Gwen feels a chill run through her body as Blake walks out to cheering fans.

For her, there is nothing like Blake singing live — nothing.

His voice remains the best she has ever heard, and she finds herself on the verge of tears throughout the show as he goes through so many tracks she’s heard countless times, songs that all carry with them various memories and emotions from different parts of their relationship.

He looks over at her constantly, making it difficult for her to pretend like they don’t both still feel the connection they have to the lyrics in songs like “Why Me” and “A Guy With A Girl,” words he’d always said reminded him of her.

He begins “Turnin’ Me On,” the song he wrote about her, about how much he wanted and lusted for her, and she finds herself blushing like she always used to do when he’d sing this with her in the room.

Just when she thinks he’s finished and she’s survived the entire show, Blake glances over at her with a peculiar look on his face. Her stomach sinks, and she wonders what he’s about to do next.

“I never usually do this song because it was written as a duet, and that’s the only way I used to perform it,” Blake tells the crowd as he adjusts his microphone. “But I wanted to sing this especially for this particular crowd tonight. I wrote this one with someone y’all might know a little something about — a very talented girl named Gwen Stefani.”

The crowd cheers, and Blake looks back over at Gwen as the first notes begin to “Go Ahead and Break My Heart.”

Gwen is frozen in place as Blake begins singing their song, the song they wrote together in the earliest stages of their relationship.

The song takes her back to a time when their love was new and terrifying and wonderful, when she was trying to give him her trust even as she was scared to give him her heart.

She feels an involuntary tear slip down her cheek as Blake begins singing the verse that she wrote — the vulnerable words she had sent to him to show him that she felt the same way he did.

Blake looks over at her as he sings: _I never ever meant to get so into you/Thought I was using you just to get me through/You know I'm broken, I don't trust anyone/Last thing I needed was to fall in love_

That was the person Gwen was when she and Blake came together. He had helped heal her pain, had transformed a time of devastation into bliss.

She still doesn’t know how she let it get so far away from her — how she convinced herself that he wasn’t that person for her anymore.

Why had she been able to dig deep and find this well of trust and hope in herself with Blake in the beginning, only to turn around later and shut him out so fully?

Her mind took something so beautiful and distorted it in some cruel, twisted form of self-preservation.

She has to wonder: if she could go back to the time of their breakup and change her next course of action, what could she do differently to make things turn out better for them? To give them the happy ending she always thought they'd have?

Blake finishes out the song and takes a bow to an uproarious crowd. Gwen wipes away her tears as he hands off his guitar and heads off stage, walking directly over to her and Kingston.

She’s not mad that he did the song without letting her know ahead of time. The song was on his album, he wrote half of it, he can perform it whenever and wherever he wants.

She just wishes she knew what to do with all the jumbled-up emotions that are about to spill out of her now because of how she had to hear it.

“That was awesome,” Kingston says, giving Blake a high five.

Blake returns his gaze to Gwen, and she offers him a feeble smile. There are so many things she wants to say to him, wants to ask him.

Instead, all she can do is reach out and grab his wrist. “I haven’t heard that song in a long time,” she says, looking into his eyes. “I like how you sang my part.”

Blake shrugs. “Had to do what I had to do, but who knows… maybe one day you’ll sing it with me again.”

Blake gives her a look that is mixed with both a question and a challenge. She doesn’t know how to answer him.

* * *

Blake arrives at Kelly and Brandon’s house a few minutes late, unsure of what to expect from this impromptu birthday dinner.

Kelly had marched up to him Tuesday after the show and informed him that he was coming to her house for a party in his honor on his birthday, whether he wanted it or not.

Of course, hanging out with friends and drinking beats the hell out of hanging out by himself and drinking, so he must admit — he’d been grateful to hear that someone wanted to do something for him.

He doesn’t know the exact plan for this dinner, who’s going to be there, or what they’re going to eat, but thankfully none of those details are up to him. He’s just showing up like he was told.

Kelly greets him at the door and leads him back to the dining room area, where Blake is happy to see Gwen waiting with some of the other guests, including Adam and Behati. She hadn’t mentioned to him that she would be here, but he had a feeling.

“Happy birthday,” she says, exchanging a meaningful glance with him. “I have something to give you.”

Blake follows her over to a side table, where she picks up her bag and begins to dig through it, searching for something. She pulls out a stack of cards and hands them over to him.

"Um, these are from the kids," Gwen says. "They wanted to wish you a happy birthday, too."

Blake looks down at the birthday cards, feeling a little bit of shock.

“Wow, that’s so nice,” he says, staring down at them. He laughs lightly. “I would have thought they’d be a little too old to want to do this still.”

Gwen gives him a guilty smile. “I might have told them I was coming to a party for you and gently reminded them of how they used to make you stuff,” she says. “They got right to work. Anyway… um, we all just wanted to tell you that we hope you have a happy birthday.”

She squeezes his arm and then moves away quickly, turning her attention over to Kelly.

“What are we having for dinner?” Gwen asks, her voice a little thin and unnaturally bright.

Blake looks down at the cards, wanting to savor each one as he reads them. The one from King is store-bought but was clearly purchased with Blake in mind, featuring a funny-looking deer on the front with the message, “Happy birthday, old buck.”

“Thank you for letting me come to your show,” Kingston had written. “You are still my favorite country singer ever.”

Blake smiles. He flips to the next card, handmade by Zuma with pictures he drew of basketballs and footballs, and what appears to be an attempt to draw the Arizona Cardinals logo.

“Happy birthday, I love you!” Zuma had written. Blake feels a pang in his heart as he reads those words.

Apollo’s card contains very entertaining drawings of Betty, Blake’s dog, and Monster, Apollo’s hamster, who appear to be friends in Apollo’s illustration. Inside, Apollo has written “Happy Birthday Blake,” but he has misspelled “birthday” as “britdya.”

Above Apollo’s scrawl, Blake recognizes Gwen’s handwriting, correcting Apollo’s mistake in parentheses with a smiley face.

Blake looks over at Gwen, whose back is to him as she and Behati chat with Adam. He wishes he could be alone with her, tell her how grateful he is for this gesture.

But more people are arriving, each one wanting to wish him a happy birthday, and he is unable to pull her aside for a private moment.

The group eventually makes its way to the long dining room table where they eat, drink, talk. Blake keeps his eye on Gwen, who is across the table and a few seats down.

Every few minutes, she’ll look back at him, and they’ll stare at each other until she finally looks away. The cycle repeats itself several times, their eyes like magnets. Blake wants more than anything to know what’s going on in her head.

When there’s a slight break in conversation, Kelly reaches over to Gwen on her left and squeezes her arm.

"This was such a great idea, Gwen," Kelly says. 

Blake's head snaps up. "What was her idea?"

"Doing something for your birthday," Kelly says. "She told me all about how you were going to be stuck here, and she didn't want you to just spend the day by yourself doing nothing, which we knew you would because you're _such_ a guy. So we came up with this." 

Kelly smiles at Blake, pleased with herself for revealing the whole backstory. “Aren’t you so lucky someone thought about you?”

Blake looks over at Gwen, who seems to be trying extra hard to avoid eye contact with him again. 

"That was very sweet of her," he says, still gazing at Gwen. He can hardly believe the gratitude swelling inside of him as he looks at her, marveling at her thoughtfulness.

She glances over at him, finally meeting his eyes. He tries to convey to her with his expression how he feels — how he’s always felt about her.

How much he loves her.

He never took for granted how much she cared about him, how much her kids cared about him.

And all he wants for his birthday is to have it all back. 

* * *

Gwen sits in the living room on the couch talking with Behati and Kelly, looking through old photo albums from Kelly’s childhood that have at some point been pulled out for everyone to laugh at.

Nearby, Adam fools around with a record player and flips through Brandon’s vinyl collection with Blake, the two men talking animatedly about which album they should play.

Gwen wishes she could just live in this moment forever. The comfort of being here with friends, the warmth and camaraderie they all formed thanks to this silly show… it’s something she’s come to cherish and miss.

“Hey Gwen, have you and your fiancé worked together any on your new album?” Brandon asks, coming over and slinging his arm around Kelly.

“Oh, no, not at all,” Gwen says. “We keep our professional lives completely separate.”

Brandon starts talking about something related to business, but it’s not long before Gwen stops paying attention. She is hyper aware of Blake’s presence a few feet away from her, and it’s all she can do to keep from looking over at him every few seconds.

It’s something she’s struggled with all night long — keeping her eyes off him.

A few minutes later, Blake gets up and leaves the room. Gwen tries to focus on the conversation going on around her, but the longer he’s gone, the more anxious she grows.

After about 20 minutes Blake still hasn’t returned, and Gwen fears that he might have snuck out and left without saying goodbye.

She tries to find the patience to stay put, to wait it out. But ultimately, she just can’t help herself.

Gwen excuses herself and begins making her way around the upper level of the house, trying to find where he might have gone. 

She reaches the end of a long hallway without spotting him, and just as she’s about to give up and go back to the main living room, she looks to her left and sees through glass double doors that a very tall someone is outside on the balcony. 

She moves closer and confirms it’s Blake standing out there, looking out at the night sky. 

“Hey,” she says as she slips out the door, trying not to sneak up on him. “What are you doing out here?”

Blake gives her a half-smile. “Just thinking,” he says.

Gwen moves forward to stand alongside him at the railing. 

“About what?” 

Blake glances at her before returning his eyes out in front of him. "About how old I'm getting,” he says. 

Gwen lightly smacks his shoulder. "You better watch it," she jokes, referencing the fact that she's older than he is.

“Nah, I’m just thinking about how the show is going to be over in two weeks,” he says. “It’s gone by real fast.”

Gwen’s smile dissipates. “I know. It’s been a whirlwind.”

They stand in silence for a moment, and Gwen feels sadness creeping over her. She hasn’t really allowed herself to think about it too much, but in two weeks, he’ll be gone. She doesn’t know when she’ll see him again. If she’ll _ever_ see him again.

“So I guess you're leaving as soon as the finale's over, huh?” she asks, dreading his answer.

He raps his knuckles on the railing. “Yeah, gonna go home. Take a little break, I guess." 

Gwen nods, trying to hold back this feeling she has of wanting to cry. 

“That sounds like a good plan,” she murmurs, her voice tight. She feels her stomach constricting, thinking about him being so far away again.

This will make things easier, though, right? She should be relieved. She should feel glad that once he’s gone, she might be free of the confusion he stirs up inside her.

Instead, she is already mourning the thought of losing him once again.

“Will you have any reason to come back this way any time soon?” she asks, unable to hide the vulnerability in her voice.

She knows that they probably wouldn’t see each other even if he did. But something in her just wants to know if she might be in the same city as him again soon.

That might just have to be enough for her — to know that they would once again be under the same small expanse of sky. Even if only for a day. 

Blake glances at her, his expression softening. He doesn’t answer immediately, and the longer the silence between them hangs in the air, the more she fears what he might say.

Finally, he turns his entire body toward her and looks her straight in the eyes. “If you gave me a reason, I’d be here in a minute.”

Gwen’s stomach fills with butterflies, and she steps back from him, moving toward the door. 

Blake follows in quick pursuit, taking her arm and turning her to face him.

"Why did you follow me out here?" he asks, his voice ragged.

She opens her mouth but can't talk, can barely think, can barely focus on anything but the desperation in his eyes.

But if she could speak, she'd have to admit it was because she had missed him the minute he'd left the room. Because she wanted to find him and be near him again. 

He rests his forehead against hers, then leans back and looks at her.

“I can't keep pretending anymore," he whispers, cupping her face. "Can you?" 

Gwen stills, looking up at him, her heart pounding. She should say she has to go. She should say she doesn’t know what he’s talking about.

But she can’t say any of that, can’t say anything. She can only stare up at him, waiting for him to do what she knows he’s about to do.

A second later, Blake is pressing her against the wall and kissing her, sliding his hands down her sides and gripping her waist. 

Gwen kisses him back, wrapping her arms around his neck, opening her mouth to him and bringing him even closer. 

She’s told herself before that she would be fine if she never again tasted his mouth, never again felt his lips against hers — but she realizes now that she was lying to herself, and she knew it all along.

The boundaries that have existed between them all this time are crossed and erased completely in a matter of seconds as their kisses turn frantic, making up for over a year of not touching, over a year of not kissing.

When they finally start to slow down, when she finally gets a second to think, when he moves down to press soft kisses along her neck — the sole thought that Gwen can grasp is how much she misses him. 

Only when they hear the balcony doors open do the two break apart, breathing heavily. Gwen looks and sees Brandon standing in the doorway, appearing extremely embarrassed at what he has just interrupted. 

“Sorry guys,” he says, shooting Blake an apologetic look. He hurries back inside and closes the door.

With flashing eyes Blake looks at Gwen, who is trying to straighten her dress. “Gwen.”

“Fuck,” she says, running her hands through her disheveled hair. The gravity of what she just did hits her. " _Fuck_."

For just a few minutes, she had somehow let loving Blake and being engaged to Robert rest on two completely separate planes of existence. 

Now that she's knocked back to reality, she is faced with the fact that both things are true. And she has just royally fucked up. 

“What did I do?” she asks, talking more to herself than to Blake. 

“You didn’t do anything,” he says, trying to reach out and touch her. She pulls her arm away.

“It was all me,” Blake says.

“No, no it wasn’t,” Gwen says, starting to cry. “I wanted you to do it. I… I have to go.”

Gwen turns and pushes her way through the balcony doors, practically sprinting back down the hallway. Blake follows behind her, watching as she runs out the main entrance with her purse hanging from her hand.

Running away like Cinderella at midnight, trying to get home before her coach turns back into a pumpkin. 


	9. Chapter 9

It’s a hell of a way to close out his birthday, getting drunk in Brandon and Kelly’s living room.

Blake had returned to the party after Gwen’s hasty exit, not knowing what else to do. Numb, he'd fixed himself a glass of vodka and sat down to sip the drink, going over everything that just happened step by step.

He’d known the second he saw her on the balcony that he was going to kiss her.

Finding out that she was the main person responsible for his birthday party, combined with realizing she had gone out of her way to find him when he left the living room to clear his head — he knew it was time to make his move.

They’d been growing closer, and with the end of the show rapidly approaching, he felt time escaping his grasp.

He doesn’t know how it might have been different, if it would have gone any better in the end, had Brandon not busted in on them. But the interruption was akin to having cold water thrown on them, and he could understand her panicked reaction, even if it hurt him to see her retreat so quickly.

Her dramatic departure had mercifully gone undetected by everyone else still in attendance.

Blake finishes his vodka and gets another, making half-hearted attempts to answer questions thrown his way by friends still hanging around.

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, the rest of the guests begin trickling out, saying their goodbyes and wishing him a happy birthday once again.

It _was_ happy, for a few precious hours, before it all went to hell.

Once everyone else is gone, Blake looks up at Brandon with an expression of disbelief on his face. Brandon shakes his head. 

“What’s wrong?” Kelly asks, coming in from the kitchen with a glass of wine in one hand and her high heels in the other, finally unburdened from the role of party host.

Blake doesn’t answer, so Kelly looks over at her husband. “Brandon?”

Brandon holds up his hands, clearly unwilling to say anything that hints at what he knows. Blake puts his glass down on the coffee table and buries his head in his hands.

He knew it wasn’t going to be easy, even once she acknowledged her feelings in one way or another. Acknowledgement wasn’t acceptance, not by a long shot.

She still has the matter of a fiancé to deal with. They still have all their previous issues from their breakup, things they never really resolved, to deal with. 

Yet Blake can’t help but feel disappointed with how things played out anyway.

Once again, just like that first day in his trailer, he went for what he wanted. And once again he was left to watch Gwen’s back as she fled, rejecting him.

Kelly sits down next to Blake, hesitantly placing her hand on his back.

“What’s going on?” she asks. 

Kelly has been in his life for so long, long enough to have seen him through his last marriage and divorce, his burgeoning relationship with Gwen, and the breakup with Gwen that he sometimes still can’t believe actually happened.

Blake looks up at her, feeling the effects of the alcohol start to wash over him. 

“Gwen,” he finally says, giving in to his need to talk about what he’s dealing with. “I love her.”

He takes another sip of his drink, and Kelly nods sympathetically. “I know,” she says. “Everyone knows.”

Blake laughs, a bitter, dry, laugh, and leans his head back against the sofa. “Great.”

Kelly pats his knee. “She still loves you, too. Which really stinks for her fiancé — he doesn’t have her whole heart.”

Blake looks up, wondering what makes Kelly so sure she knows how Gwen feels. Kelly reads the question in his face and gives him a preemptive answer.

“You should have seen her the other day, the look on her face when she told me about your birthday,” Kelly says. “It was so sweet — she loves you and knows you so well. She wants you to be happy.”

Blake looks at Kelly mournfully, at a loss. “So I love her, and she loves me, but something is keeping us apart. I don’t know what else to do.”

“Have you told her how you feel?”

Blake laughs again. “The very first day. I told her she belonged with me, she ran. Today. I kissed her, she ran.”

Kelly’s eyes nearly pop out of her head. “You kissed her?”

Blake continues. “I don’t know if you've ever had the person you love more than anything _literally_ _run_ to get away from you — but I just did, and guess what? It sucks.”

Kelly sighs. “Blake, you’ve got to consider that she’s made a big-time commitment to this other dude, and you’re probably scaring the hell out of her,” she says. “Figuring out what she wants to do, if it involves breaking someone else’s heart, isn’t something she’s going to do casually.”

 _So she can just casually break my heart — again_ , Blake thinks, knowing that's not a fair attitude to have.

“We’ll make up one of the guest rooms, and you can stay here tonight,” Kelly says, looking at him with almost motherly concern. “And I hope everything will be clearer to you in the morning.”

Blake accepts without argument, knowing he’s not fit to drive anyway. And the thought of going back to that hotel alone, saddled with his miserable thoughts, is a depressing prospect.

Kelly shows him to his room, tossing him one last sympathetic look. He wishes he wasn’t in a position to deserve someone’s pity.

“For what it’s worth, I really hope it works out for you,” Kelly says. “Two people who love each other as much as you guys do should be together.”

* * *

Yes, she loves him.

She pushed that love back to the dark, quiet space in her heart where she could act as if it wasn’t really there. 

Yet it remained, never diminishing, waiting for the moment when the light would shine and the truth would out and she would have to yield to its presence.

_I can’t keep pretending anymore. Can you?_

She can’t.

Gwen realizes she is no better than a silly film leading lady caught in the middle of a love triangle, or a clichéd, fickle heroine in a romance novel — a woman who decided to marry one man so that she could try and forget about another.

It was misguided, stupid, and unfair.

And to double down on her own ridiculous life choices, she then went and made out with the man who could not be forgotten while her trusting fiancé naively went about his business thousands of miles away.

She never wanted to make a fool of anyone, and she fears she has made a fool of everyone, herself most of all.

Jen arrives at 1 a.m., answering Gwen's tearful request for a late-night emergency confessional. 

They sit out on her back patio, quiet for a moment after Gwen has filled Jen in on everything that transpired earlier that night. 

She knows she has to tell Robert the truth. She has to tell him that she kissed Blake.

She has to tell him that she loves Blake.

Hiding it from him isn’t an option, even if she wanted it to be. Being a good liar has never been a character trait she’s wished to acquire. She’s not going to start trying now.

Unfortunately, he won’t be back from London for over another week, and this isn’t something she can bear to tell him over the phone. He may not be the love of her life, but he deserves better than that.

So now she will have to carry this knowledge of an impending confrontation around like a weight on her shoulders for at least nine more days.

"What are you going to say to Blake? Are you going to call him?" Jen asks.

Gwen doesn't know the answer to that. She doesn’t know how to face him either, after what she did to him.

She feels like a heartless coward for running away instead of staying to talk through what happened between them.

She replays the whole scene over in her head, from the look in his eyes when she first came outside, to the heat that soared through her when his body pressed against hers.

She had lost control, kissing him like she was going to die if she stopped. If she had stayed, she might have done it again.

She couldn’t trust herself alone with him for another second. 

And now she can’t look at herself in the mirror knowing she essentially cheated on her fiancé. She didn't mean to, but that's what it was. It’s not her, not something she thought she’d ever be capable of doing. 

But it turns out everything she thinks she knows, every rational, honorable intention, is rendered meaningless when it comes to Blake. She denied her desire for him for so long, and as soon as she gave in a little, she gave in all the way.

She can't stop picturing the distraught look on his face a split second before she turned to run away. Thinking of him hurting because of her — on his birthday, no less — makes her feel physical pain. She wishes she could go to him, but right now she doesn’t know what good it would do.

"I don't know what to say to him until I talk to Robert first," Gwen says. "That's the respectable order to take this, right? Square things away with my fiancé before I try to figure out what to do about Blake... where we can go from here."

Gwen hopes that Blake can understand the position she's in right now. He's already put up with so much from her, and she doesn't know how much more he can take. 

She wonders if he might just decide that it's not worth fighting for anymore. 

* * *

Gwen arrives at The Voice studio for rehearsal with Lila, only to find that her star performer is as much of an emotional dumpster fire as she is.

“I broke up with Jacob,” Lila cries, sobbing into Gwen’s chest as soon as she reaches her. “You were right, I was wasting my time with him. It hurts so bad.”

Gwen holds Lila as she cries, stroking her hair. 

The two are supposed to practice their upcoming duet, a cover of “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac. Considering the state of both of their love lives, Gwen wonders how they’ll make it through the song at all.

It’s been two days since his party, and she still hasn’t spoken to Blake. She’s picked up her phone thinking about calling him countless times, but she doesn’t know what she wants to say, so she never follows through.

And she knew he wouldn’t reach out to her first — she knew he would wait. It’s what he’s been doing a lot of for the past year, it seems — waiting for her to figure out her own mind.

She’s been a pretty huge failure at it so far. 

* * *

Gwen is walking past Blake's trailer when she hears the faint chords of a guitar playing inside. 

Taking a deep breath, she approaches the door and knocks. He opens the door to her, his eyes bloodshot and his hair rumpled. She wants to reach out and embrace him, but she keeps her arms crossed, holding herself instead. 

"Hi," she says quietly, her heart hammering in her chest. "Can I come in for a minute?"

Blake doesn't say anything but leaves the door open as he turns to sit down. She debates for a second before settling down beside him. 

They stare at each other for a silent moment, the air between them thick with tension and questions. Gwen hesitantly reaches out and places her hand on his.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I shouldn't have left the way I did the other night. It was so unfair to leave you like that without talking about what happened." 

Blake glances down at her hand on his, and she realizes he is taking in the sight of the diamond ring still on her finger. 

"He's in London right now," she says, hoping that at least partially explains the purgatory they've been in for the past couple of days. "He's been there for the last week, and he won't be back for another. I just can't... I can't deal with everything until he gets back."

Blake leans his head back against the wall. "What are you going to say when he does?" he asks, the first words he's spoken since she came to his trailer. 

Gwen shakes her head. "I don't know yet."

Blake looks over and stares at her, looking like he doesn't understand her at all. "You said you wanted what happened to happen. What does that mean?" 

Gwen drops his gaze. She wishes she could tell him the truth — that she still loves him — but she's terrified to say the words. It will escalate everything in a way she's not yet prepared to manage. 

"It means... it means I wanted you to kiss me. I wanted to kiss you."

Blake leans in, bringing his face close to hers, looking in her eyes.

Dammit if she doesn’t want to kiss him again, right now, here in this trailer. She exhales a shaky breath and closes her eyes, letting him gently rub his nose against hers.

"Do you regret it?” he asks, moving his face down.

Gwen tips her head back, forgetting all the protests almost on her tongue as he brushes his lips along her jawline. Her willpower with him is pathetically, embarrassingly low.

This is wrong, she reminds herself. It might not be wrong soon, but it’s wrong now. She slowly moves away, putting more distance between them, though her hand remains on his.

"I _don't_ regret it, but... I have a fiancé, Blake. I'm not the kind of person who cheats. It shouldn't have happened like that." She tries to plead with him with her eyes. "I just need time to figure out what I'm going to do when he gets back, and then..."

She leaves the sentence hanging in the air, incomplete. She can see the release in his eyes, the decision to withdraw. Just as she recognizes that look, he slowly pulls his hand away from hers, away from her touch. 

"I guess we don't have anything to say to each other until then," Blake says finally. 

Gwen feels her breath stutter in surprise. Holding back tears, she nods and begins to stand. She is almost to the door when she hears him clear his throat.

"Do I even stand a chance?" he asks, his voice raw.

Gwen turns on her heel to face him, unbelieving that he could even question it after the way she kissed him the other night. He really has no idea how she truly feels about him, and she knows that's her own fault. 

"Blake..." she says. 

"I'm sorry," he interrupts, holding up his hand. "That's not fair. Just... we'll talk after you talk to him. Until then... I'll stay out of your hair." 

That sentiment breaks Gwen's heart. Before she can say anything else, he nods at the door, urging her to go.

Regretfully Gwen does so, shutting the door gently behind her. 

* * *

Blake stares out at the stage, wishing the next fifteen minutes would go by faster. 

It's Tuesday night's results show, and the final four contestants will be announced very shortly. No matter what happens, he'll still be here next week because all twelve coaches will be reuniting for the finale.

But he's nervous for Jesse, who stumbled a little in his performance the night before. They've become good friends over these past weeks of working together. Though Blake plans to help him out post-show no matter what the result, he wants him to make the finals if only to boost Jesse's own self-confidence.

Blake looks over at Gwen's empty seat. She and Lila are backstage, preparing to come out and perform their duet prior to the results announcement.

The past two days have been a torturous mixture of staring at each other and then avoiding each other whenever they're in the same room. 

He probably has one last big declaration in him, one final play to make, but he'll respect her wishes to deal with her fiancé first. 

He's gotten pretty good at waiting, pining for her. He can wait another week to find out his fate. 

Then, once he knows what direction she's leaning — if it's not in his direction — he'll give it one last shot. Lay his soul bare before her one more time.

And if she still doesn't want him, well... he might just have to finally move on. 

* * *

She barely makes it through the duet with Lila without cracking. 

Keeping her eyes trained on the crowd, Gwen sings her parts — the harmonies at the chorus with Lila, the second verse — _Can I sail through the changing ocean tides? Can I handle the seasons of my life?_

She allows her eyes to flicker over Blake for just the briefest of moments as they close out the song. 

Incredible as it is, she remembers the very first time she saw his face.

It was on a visit to The Voice set, a couple of months before she began filming her first season as a coach. She'd been announced as the newest member of The Voice family with much fanfare, and to capitalize on the excitement surrounding her arrival, she was asked to come and perform near the end of the ongoing season. 

She'd been walking down the hallway with a producer, one who was sucking up to her as he excitedly introduced her to every single person they encountered. It was exhausting sometimes, being around people who were so artificial.

She'd turned the corner to see Blake, the one coach she was only vaguely familiar with and whose name she kept forgetting. Was it Brett? Brock? She couldn't keep it straight. 

He'd looked over and spotted her, his blue eyes widening just a bit in recognition. They were the clearest, bluest eyes she'd ever seen.

"Blake," he'd said introducing himself, holding out his hand to shake hers. 

"I'm Gwen Stefani," she'd replied, and he'd chuckled at her giving her full name.

"I heard something like that," he replied, his dimples appearing prominently in his cheeks. 

She couldn't put her finger on it at the time, but there was something in his face, something in his smile, that was sincere and honest and immediately put her at ease. There was nothing artificial about him.

That was her first impression of him, and she was exactly right. She'd found refuge in that face, in that smile, in those eyes, hundreds — no — thousands of times in the years to come.

Now she looks over to him and sees that his face is tense, hollow — and she knows it's all because of her, because she can't give him an answer. 

She thinks what scares her most is that if she ends things with Robert and returns to Blake, the problems that they had before might resurface, and she might go through the pain all over again that she experienced when she let him go the first time.

That's what she's realized these past few days, agonizing over this crossroads. 

Marrying Robert was to be safe and easy. She thought it could serve as a buffer to keep her from experiencing pain again — because you can't feel pain if you're not worried about what you might lose. 

If she allows her heart to submit itself to Blake again, she'll be exposed and vulnerable — and it's a terrifying position to willingly accept.

But she knows in her heart that she felt more alive in those few moments she was kissing Blake the other night than she's felt the entire time she's been with Robert. 

Can she live without that feeling for the rest of her life? 

* * *

Lila and Jesse both make it through. 

When Jesse's name is announced, the fourth and final performer revealed to be going on to the finale, Gwen can't help but beam in Blake's direction as he stands and applauds his guy. Jesse joins Lila along with Adam's contestant, Jaycee, and Kelly's performer, Avery. 

Once the credits begin to roll at the end of the show, Gwen runs on stage and embraces Lila tightly, so proud of her for overcoming her emotional pain to grab hold of triumph this week. Gwen hopes somewhere that loser Jacob is watching and realizing what he's lost for good. 

Lila and Jesse making the final four means Gwen and Blake will both have to do press this coming week, along with Adam and Kelly, to promote the finale. They'll be heading to New York on Thursday to do some talk shows, then back to L.A. on Saturday to finish out rehearsals and prepare for their very last set of episodes. 

A week from now, it will all be over. By then she'll have talked to Robert; by then she might know what the future holds with Blake. 

On top of everything else, her first single is coming out this week, on Friday. Pretty soon there will be live performances, promotion, obligations everywhere on her calendar. 

She's got three meetings next week alone, all related to the release of her album. Rolling Stone has an interview and photo shoot booked with her for the week after. 

She'll be expected to be candid, to be raw, to talk about the meanings behind her songs, about her engagement, about everything. 

All of this is arriving just in time for her personal life to implode. 

Gwen looks for Blake back at the trailers after the show, something she doesn't fully realize she's doing until disappointment settles over her when she finds that he's already gone. 

He has more than made good on his self-deprecating promise to "stay out of her hair" until she talks to Robert, but she knows that will be difficult to maintain when they go on this promo trip to New York. 

Her mind is reminding her to hold back. She's still engaged. She doesn't want to get hurt. 

But her heart. 

Her heart is the problem. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Mama?”

Gwen turns down the radio in the car, glancing in the rear view mirror to see what Apollo needs from the backseat as they drive over to her parents’ house Thursday morning.

She didn’t know until the last minute whether or not she’d be required to head to New York for The Voice finale promo, and since it turns out she does have to go — and Gavin's away on tour — she's asked her parents to keep the kids while she’s out of town.

He rubs his eyes, still tired from their very early wake-up call. “When do I get to see Blake again?”

Gwen’s heart jumps at hearing the name, especially coming from her youngest son’s mouth. “I’m not sure, sweetie.”

“Can he come to our house?” Zuma asks.

“Um…”

“No, Robert probably wouldn’t like it,” Kingston says from the front passenger seat next to Gwen, rolling his eyes.

“Hey,” Gwen says, reprimanding him. “Where is _that_ coming from?”

Kingston goes quiet and looks back out the window. Gwen sighs. The boys have asked about Blake several times in recent weeks, the mentions increasing in frequency after the first time they got to see him on set, then ramping up to an almost daily occurrence since the second visit when he gave them presents. Then they wanted to know if he got their birthday cards, if he liked them, what did he say? 

The draw they still feel to him would make her heart melt if it didn’t make her heart hurt.

She pulls up to her parents’ house and her mom greets them at the door, looking ready for an unexpected rowdy couple of days with her grandsons.

“Thank you so much for keeping them,” Gwen says, hugging her mother. “I just have to warn you, they’re acting bored out of their minds lately, so they might drive you crazy.”

Her mother, always good-natured and unworried about anything, just laughs. “Can you come in for a cup of coffee before you go?”

Gwen nods, grateful for the opportunity to slightly delay her departure to the airport. She’s nervous about this trip, about being in close proximity to Blake when they’re in such a strange, uncertain place in their relationship.

Gwen’s mom puts on the coffeemaker and then turns to her daughter. “Are you feeling okay? You seem a little frazzled.”

Gwen yawns in response. “I’m clearly tired,” she laughs. “And uh, well… I guess I have a lot going on.”

They sit down at the kitchen table with their coffee cups, and Gwen absentmindedly stirs in some almond milk. She decides to just spit out what she wants to say.

“I think… I think I have to talk to Robert about the wedding when he gets back,” Gwen admits. “I don’t know if I can go through with it.” It feels weird to say the words aloud.

Her mom gives her a surprised look. “Is this a recent development? You never told me you were thinking about something like that.”

Gwen sighs. “Mom… I… you know that I’m working with Blake.”

Her mom nods, her face softening. Gwen’s parents always adored Blake.

“Well, we’ve been talking, and I don’t know, I’m really confused,” she says. “I don’t think I’m in a good place to be making lifetime commitments to someone when I’m so confused about my relationship with another person.”

Gwen’s mom reaches out and grabs her hand. “You know we support you no matter what you want to do,” she says. “And you know I always thought you and Blake had unfinished business that you needed to get sorted out. Life is short, sweetie. You don’t want to look back and regret not facing the things you needed to face, when you still had the chance.”

Gwen nods, wishing she could approach the future with the strength and courage her mom always displays. She can at least try.

She’s got to stop running away, stop trying to avoid thinking about what she really wants.

If she doesn’t, she might wake up one day, not that long from now, wishing with all of her heart that she could have this moment back.

* * *

Blake opens his hotel room door and throws his jacket down on the bed. He's had no time to himself since they arrived in New York a few hours ago, each of the coaches immediately being sent off in different directions to pre-tape talk show appearances promoting the finale — Blake to The Tonight Show, Gwen to The View, Kelly to Late Night with Seth Myers, Adam to Live with Kelly and Ryan. 

Now that his duty for the evening is over, Blake is prepared to spend the night watching TV and drinking whatever he can find in his minibar. God, he is so sick of living out of a hotel. 

He's about to hop in the shower when his phone rings, Kelly's name popping up on the display. 

"Yeah?" he answers, unbuttoning his shirt. 

"We're all going out to dinner, wanna come?" she asks, not even sounding tired. He will never understand how she can display the stamina of a thousand of those little Energizer bunnies. He pauses on his unbuttoning.

"Like, everyone?" he asks. 

"Everyone as in me, Adam, you… and Gwen." Kelly’s underhanded intentions in organizing this little get-together could not be more apparent.

"Hmm," Blake says. "And what made you decide you wanted us to go out?" 

"Oh, well, I just thought it would be fun for us all to relax together, you know, casually..." Kelly trails off. "For no special reason." 

"Mmmhmm," he says. "You playing matchmaker?" 

"Who me?" Kelly’s voice is bright with mischief, and Blake rolls his eyes.

"Okay, okay. When and where?" 

Thirty minutes later, a hired car drops the four coaches off at a restaurant where they can enter a private lounge through the kitchen.

Blake has made sure to keep some distance from Gwen on the trip over, sitting alone in the front passenger seat while the other three ride in the back, then walking a little behind them as they navigate their way to their table.

But somehow, through no effort of his own, he ends up sitting right next to her in the semicircle booth that’s been reserved for the four of them.

The table is small and cozy, forcing them to shift a bit to establish their own elbow room. Because of his long legs, Blake’s knees are all over the place. He feels Gwen’s leg move and her thigh press slightly against his. He glances at her, unsure if she notices their closeness. If she does, she doesn’t move her leg away — so neither does he.

The four get various tapas plates to share and a round of drinks. It’s soon easy for Blake to relax a bit more thanks to Adam and Kelly’s silliness. They get into a comfortable groove, reminiscing about their past years on the show, about former contestants they haven’t thought of in a long time.

After about an hour of sitting around and drinking, Kelly is getting a little rambunctious. She gets up for a moment and then comes back to the table with a bottle of tequila, a bowl of lime wedges, and four shot glasses.

"Let's play a gaaaame," she says, laughing already. "Never Have I Ever. I'll go first."

Adam, Blake, and Gwen groan, but Kelly pours them each shots and holds up her hand. "Don't be buzzkills. Okay. Here we go." She thinks for a minute and then giggles. "Never have I ever... had sex with my shoes on."

The other three laugh incredulously, and Kelly defends herself. "I can't, it's too weird!" 

"Uh... okay," Adam says, taking his shot. "Pretty sure I have."

Gwen and Blake glance at each other. He can probably count on more than both hands the number of times they were so desperate for each other that shoes and other articles of clothing never fully made it off before the deed was done. Gwen wets her lips with her tongue, and he can tell she's having the same thought he's having. They both take a shot.

"Never have I ever," Adam says, pointing at Blake, "had a mullet." 

Blake rolls his eyes, downing his second shot. "You’re so stupid." 

Gwen looks around and holds up her shot glass. "I kind of had a mullet, when I was like 12," she giggles, sucking down the drink. Blake laughs loudly, remembering a picture he’s seen of her with her little blonde bangs and the scraggly hair hanging down the back. 

"That’s true, you did," he says, reaching over and rubbing her shoulder in a gesture of camaraderie. 

She looks at him affectionately, and he feels a rush of electricity move through him. Sometimes he forgets they're not together anymore. He has to stop himself from leaning in to kiss her like he would if she was still his. 

She could be again. Just not today. 

After a couple more rounds, Blake makes the executive decision to shut down the game. "We can't be hungover for The Today Show tomorrow morning," he playfully scolds the rest of them. “That will be hell.”

"Well, I'm gonna get one more drink," Adam says, standing up. "Be right back." 

Kelly gets up too, excusing herself to go and find the ladies' room. She sneaks a wink at Blake as she walks away.

And then Blake and Gwen are left alone to look at each other, sheepish in their awkwardness. 

It's not an easy silence, like they so often used to enjoy when they were a couple. Every moment between them now is laced with intensity as they suffer through this strangled holding period.

"How did your interview go today?" Blake asks her, wanting to make things feel a little less uncomfortable.

"Pretty good, I —" 

"Gwen?" 

A man who has just walked past their booth stops suddenly and turns back to them, looking at Gwen with a shocked expression on his face.

Gwen's smile drops. "Oh, hi," she says to the man, holding up her hand in a weak impression of a wave. "How are you?" 

"I'm great," he says with a tight voice, and Blake realizes the guy is eyeing him closely. "I didn't know you were in town." 

"Yeah, for work," she says quickly. "Adam Levine and Kelly Clarkson are here too." Gwen points him over to where Adam stands waiting at the bar. "We're doing promo for The Voice finale next week." 

Blake eyes her, wondering why she seems so skittish, like she's been caught doing something wrong. 

Gwen nods her head at Blake. "This is, um, Blake Shelton," she says to the man. "And, Blake, this is Jack Farrah — Robert's son." 

Blake almost chokes on the drink he has just taken a sip of. He takes a better look at Jack, realizing the guy does in fact look like he could be Robert's son even though he's an adult, probably in his mid-thirties or so. 

Blake holds out his hand, and the younger man gives him probably the limpest handshake he’s ever received.

"Such a coincidence to run into you here," Jack says to Gwen, a weird tinge in his voice. "Dad is still in London, right?"

Gwen nods. "Yes, he’s coming back Monday night."

Jack stands there quietly for a moment, and Blake notices Gwen's eyes flit between him and her fiancé’s son. She must be worried that Jack is going to tell his father she was out with Blake, even though they're not actually alone.

Adam finally comes back to the table with his drink, and Blake notices Gwen sag with visible relief. Kelly also returns a minute later, and with her arrival the stiffness in Jack's shoulders seems to relax. 

"Tell my dad I'm going to be in L.A. next week," Jack says, his voice a little warmer. "I want to catch a round of golf with him while I'm out there. I know he's busy, but he owes me."

Gwen smiles, a smile Blake can tell is stilted, and he has to look away. 

“Sure," she replies. "It was nice to see you." 

Jack finally walks away, and Gwen shoots Blake a look of remorse. 

"I didn't realize Robert had kids," Kelly says. 

"Yeah, Jack and a daughter, Felicity," Gwen tells them. "I've only met them like three times. Jack is a talent agent based here in New York, and Felicity works in San Francisco as an artist. I barely know them, really." 

Blake is surprised to hear that, knowing how important family is to Gwen. They had blended their extended families together so seamlessly that her siblings had become close friends with his. He’d considered her nieces and nephews to be his own, and vice versa. Her not getting to know Robert's children, to whom she was planning to be a stepmother, isn't like her at all. But, he considers, maybe it wasn't really up to her. 

Later, Gwen is the last to get out of the car when they get dropped off back at the hotel. Blake pauses, waiting for her to catch up to him. They lag far behind Adam and Kelly.

"Are you okay?" he asks quietly. "You seemed a little put off after Robert's son came by."

Gwen lets out a sigh. "The way he looked at me, when he saw us together... it was such an accusing look. It made me feel so guilty."

"You weren't doing anything wrong," Blake replies.

"Maybe not right then," Gwen says. "But I have. I'm not in the clear here, Blake. It just reminded me how terrible I am."

Blake shakes his head. "Gwen..."

"Don’t. I know what you're going to say — you're going to blame yourself again, and try to make me feel better, but... like I said before, I was just as much at fault for what happened between us, and I wanted it to happen... and I still do," she admits, her voice lowering. "I still do." 

She keeps her eyes trained on him. "I'm not innocent, _at_ _all_." 

They stand looking at each other, Blake unsure what to do with this unexpected confession from her, this unabashed honesty. He wants to press her on it, but Adam and Kelly are ahead of them, entering the open elevator, and Adam is holding the door for them. 

"Hurry up, you two," he calls out. 

Blake and Gwen turn and take quickening steps to get to the elevator. They ride up ten floors in silence, no one seemingly in the mood to talk anymore, the fatigue and alcohol taking their toll. 

Gwen's floor comes up first. She gives Blake one last glance before she steps off the elevator, disappearing down the hall. 

* * *

Gwen wakes up Friday morning with the dawn, a distinct feeling of excitement mixed with anxiety and dread welling up in her chest. 

Her new single, the first from her forthcoming album, is being released today. It's an agonizing track she wrote in the days after her split with Blake, when she was wallowing in self-pity and hopelessness even as she knew she was the one who had pushed him away.

Though it was her who had cut the cord, who had asked him to move out, she still waited, longing for him to come knock down her door, throw rocks at her window, hold a boombox over his head — anything to convince her to change her mind.

Instead, he did nothing. And so, she wrote.

 _I wait for you alone/Don’t know what I’m waiting for/Rejection in your tone/I won’t get anything more_

She doesn't know what he's going to say when he hears the song, called “Under My Skin.” Knowing Blake, even if he hates the track he'll still find something about it to praise — that's just how he is. 

She begins getting ready for The Today Show interview, opting to do her own hair and makeup. She's not sure what to expect from the interviewer this morning, a new anchor named Lucy who Gwen has never met before. She wishes it was someone she was familiar with, someone she could trust not to push too hard with the personal questions. She doesn't know how she'll handle an interrogation with Blake sitting right there, listening to her talk.

The bleary-eyed coaches meet up at The Today Show studio, all expressing regret for their late evening out the night before.

“I feel like shit,” Adam puts it, ever so eloquently.

They get their mic packs on and are directed to sit around a small table for the interview. Gwen still doesn’t feel ready when their segment goes live.

“Good morning! I’m here with four superstar coaches from the highly popular Voice revival, a special miniseries that began in May and will conclude next week with a two-night finale,” Lucy says, her toothy grin transfixed on the camera. “One of the biggest attractions to The Voice revival, launched two years after the original series’ cancellation, was the return of some of its most notable coaches — including two I have here with me this morning, who famously started a relationship while on the show together during its ninth season. They are now amazingly working side by side again, even though they are no longer a couple.”

She turns in her chair to face Gwen, who feels her face heating up as she realizes they’re addressing the elephant in the room, like, immediately.

“Gwen, you and Blake went through a very public breakup not but a year and a half ago,” Lucy says. “How has it been working together again after everything you’ve been through?”

Gwen has to take a breath just to temper her surprise. This lady went right for the jugular. She can only hope her makeup and the lighting in the studio are enough to mask how bright red her face must be right now.

“Um, well, I mean, we’ve really been able to work, uh, pretty fine together…” Gwen replies, stammering, trying to think of what to say. She’d gone over some talking points in her head on the way over here, but now it’s all a blur as she looks over at Blake, feeling helpless.

Blake clears his throat and comes to her rescue.

“Look, before we were ever anything else, Gwen and I were friends, and that's what has helped us keep a great working rapport even though our romantic relationship ended," Blake says, his voice surprisingly strong and steady. “We still care about each other, and we just want what’s best for each other.”

He sounds so sure, and she knows there’s no way this interviewer, or anyone watching, would detect the fragility of his statement, the sensitive truth lying just beneath the surface.

“Well, Gwen, your new single ‘Under My Skin’ just came out today, and anyone listening might assume that this has something to do with that breakup with Blake,” Lucy says. “Care to comment?”

Gwen’s stomach turns and she locks eyes with Blake, who shakes his head, seemingly unsure of what to say. They haven’t talked about the new song, and it doesn’t appear that he’s even gotten a chance to hear it yet.

“Well, um, the track is just one on an album that is very personal to me, as all my albums are,” Gwen begins, choosing her words carefully, making sure to avoid any implicit confirmation. “But I want my fans and people who listen to my music to be able to hear the songs, and if they’re going through a hard time, I hope they can relate to what I’m singing. This song — it’s for anyone who’s had a broken heart before, and I know just about everyone has.”

Lucy starts to ask another question directed at Gwen, but one of The Voice producers who is there to oversee everything gives her a stern look and makes a cutting motion across his throat from off camera. Mercifully, Lucy changes direction and pitches a question instead to Kelly, something about the actual show that they’re there to promote.

Gwen lets out a breath she had been holding, and she attempts to surreptitiously look at Blake. Knowing she’s still on camera, she feels helpless to get any kind of message across to him right now. He glances up at her, his eyes questioning.

She mouths the word “after” to him, and he nods in understanding.

The interview finally ends, and Gwen has to do her best not to roll her eyes when Lucy tries to give her a hug.

“I’m sorry I had to put you on the spot like that, but it had to be done,” Lucy says, her voice only sounding partially sincere.

Gwen nods, knowing deep down that she’s opened herself up to all of it — because of her relationship being so public in the first place, and the way she exposes her life in her music. This all comes with the territory, and it has since the day “Don’t Speak” came out all those years ago.

As they leave the set, Gwen hurries to walk stride for stride alongside Blake.

“So, my song that came out today, well… I know you’re going to hear it, and I just wanted to explain that I wrote it like, right after our breakup, so it probably won’t sound fair or rational to you, but I was really low at the time,” she says, her words coming out faster than she intended. “And before you get worried, it’s not mean about you, I promise. I was just really sad, but I never really blamed you for anything, really. I promise.”

She knows she’s rambling, but she can’t help it. Blake nods, looking stoic. “I’m sure it’s amazing,” he says softly. “I’ll listen to it here soon.” 

She sighs, letting out a nervous breath. When she wrote these songs, planned this album, she never, ever anticipated that she would even talk to Blake when it all came out, much less be around him to see his reaction in real time.

Now, with everything that’s happened between them over the past few weeks, she’s scared that he’ll be angry with her, that he might regret even broaching the topic of trying things together again. She wants the opportunity to explain herself, if he needs an explanation.

“Listen, if you have any questions and want to talk later… I’m in room 1031 at the hotel. Just come knock.”

She wishes more than anything that they could sit down and listen to it together now, like they did for the first song, “Magic,” the love song.

This track requires so much more clarification, and she wants to give it to him, to help him understand where she’s coming from as he listens.

But there’s no time. They are all being sent off in different directions again to do individual appearances or interviews throughout the day, and Gwen knows he’ll have already listened to the song by the time she sees him again.

With one last apologetic look, Gwen forces her legs to move away, feeling as if concrete anchors are attached to each one.

* * *

Blake closes the door to his hotel room and lays back on the bed, his phone in his hand. He’s been tormented with thoughts about Gwen’s song all day, but he hasn’t had a minute to sit down and listen to it until now, finally finished with all of his promotional obligations.

He’s kind of terrified to hear it after the preface Gwen gave him that morning. Learning more about her pain, especially from that particular time, when their split was so recent and so raw, is something he’s not sure he’s prepared to deal with.

But he knows he has to. 

He downloads the song, then puts the phone next to him on the bed and presses play.

Gwen is never anything but completely honest in her lyrics, and it was always something he was grateful for, when he was on the good side of her music. He’s had the pleasure of hearing her weave words into beautiful, powerful sentiments about him in numerous love songs from the past. But this… this is entirely new territory for him and for them.

_If you came back, I'd give in/Always got you under my skin/But you’re not here and you’re not coming_

The words burn him inside, her agony clear as she sings about pushing him away even when she’s desperate for him to return.

_I wish I didn’t care/Like you don’t seem to care /But I really want to be there/And your silence says it all_

He remembers what she said that day in his trailer, that she had wanted him to fight for her — and he didn’t. She told him to leave, and he did.

He thought he was giving her space, giving her time, but in her mind he was merely reinforcing her fears that their love wasn't strong enough to make it. He had no idea.

_I try to find my apathy/Are you even thinking of me?_

The song ends and Blake picks up his phone, pressing “play” once again.

* * *

Gwen is in her robe, getting ready to go to sleep, when a light knock on the door startles her. 

She looks through the peephole to see Blake standing in the hallway. Her heart in her throat, she calls out for him to wait just a minute as she hurriedly throws on jeans and a T-shirt. 

She's anxious as she sees the grave look on his face when she opens the door. 

"Is everything okay?" she asks. 

"Yeah. Can we talk for a second?"

She lets him into her suite, nerves flickering through her stomach. Blake doesn't sit, but turns and faces her, his expression grim.

"I listened to your song, over and over," Blake says. "I wrote down some of the lines so I could just stare at them and try to understand. And I can't stop blaming myself now for not trying harder to understand this back then."

"No, it's not your fault," Gwen tries to interject.

"I should have done everything in my power to keep you," he continues, unabated. "I feel like I need to get your whole album and just listen to it, because I know your songs might tell me more than you were ever able to express to me then.”

Gwen crosses her arms, as if she can physically shield the emotional exposure she feels in this moment. She’s embarrassed, vulnerable. “I’m really sorry I’m putting this all out there for everyone to talk about.”

Blake shakes his head. “I’m not. God, Gwen, this is what you were made to do, write songs like this. You know it. I just wish… I just wish you had been able to tell me what you were feeling before it was too late. I wish I had tried harder to figure it out.”

Blake sits down and brings his hands up to his head, pulling at his own hair.

"I grew too comfortable in our relationship, and I took it for granted that you felt secure and always knew how I felt," he says. He looks up at her. “Even though we were having problems, even though we weren’t seeing each other as much, I still thought we were invincible. I assumed you felt that way, too, but I never took that much time to really ask, you know? No couple is immune to doubt, and you have to work at it day after day to make sure your foundation remains strong."

Gwen nods, leaning back against the desk. “I should have been open with you about how I was feeling, but instead I shut myself off. You can’t read my mind, and I shouldn’t have expected you to be able to.” 

Blake runs his hands down his face, sighing heavily, then stands up and moves toward her. 

"I know we said we would wait until you talked to your fiancé about everything going on, but I couldn't wait to come and tell you this, because I don't want there to be any lingering doubt in your mind — I don’t want you to wonder," Blake says, his voice strained but imploring. “You have to know… I _love_ you. You are the love of my life, and that's never going to change."

He pulls Gwen close, holding her against his chest as he continues his declaration. She burrows into his arms, her mind taking in his words one by one, slowly absorbing the gravity of his statements. She can feel the thumping of his heart, its accelerated pace, as he continues.

"I want you to be the person I wake up to for the rest of my life. I want to look over and see you beside me in ten years, in twenty years, in thirty years.”

He pulls back with his hands on her arms, looking into her eyes. "Because I promise you, if this ends, if I lose you for good... I will be sitting out on my porch, 70-something years old, still wondering where you are and still cursing myself for letting you go. There’s no getting over you."

A dart of intense yearning flickers through Gwen's heart. She doesn't know how to formulate a response to the beautiful words he's saying to her, but he doesn’t give her a chance to respond, anyway. With one swift motion, he leans down and kisses her surely, reverently, moving his hands up to cradle her head. 

It is the opposite of their kiss on the balcony — not frenzied and unthinking, but slow and deliberate. Gwen doesn't bother to resist; she couldn't pull away from him even if she wanted to. And she doesn't want to. Add it to her list of confessions. 

She puts her hands on his shoulders to steady herself, letting him kiss her two, three more times, the contrasting sensations muddling her mind — his lips as soft as rose petals, but his beard rough against her chin. 

When Blake withdraws his lips from hers, Gwen opens her eyes, looking up at him with wonder. 

"I believe in us," he says. His face and voice are so earnest, she knows he means it. "I have believed in us this whole time. I might have gotten discouraged sometimes, but it always comes back to you and me. There is nobody else but you for me — just you. So you go talk to him, and tell him what you need to tell him — but I know in the end you're gonna be with me."

He leans down and kisses her one more time. She is amazed to find she is not confused or scared. She is calm, her mind is clear. A sense of inevitability settles over her. 

"I love you," he repeats, brushing his lips against her forehead. 

With one last impassioned look, Blake turns and exits her room, leaving her alone with her heavy thoughts and her exploding heart.

* * *

The finale performances episode of The Voice is welcoming back all of the eliminated coaches for a special appearance, which has heightened the level of anticipation and excitement for an already pivotal evening.

Amid the hustle and bustle of a crazy backstage prior to the show, Blake finds Jesse and takes him aside to give him a pep talk, pumping him up for his performance of the Garth Brooks song, “The Thunder Rolls.”

“You got this,” Blake says, patting him on the back. “I’m so proud of you, man.”

They hug, and Blake is touched to see that Jesse is actually tearing up a little.

“Hey, quit that,” Blake says, chuckling as he hugs him again. “Look, no matter what happens today and tomorrow, I’m getting you set up in Nashville. You’ll have a place you can stay, and I got it all worked out with a studio for you to go record in as soon as you want it. This is only the beginning for you, I mean that.”

Blake is leaving Jesse to head to his chair when he almost runs smack into Gwen, who is coming from the opposite direction.

"Oh," she says, her face reddening when she sees him. Her eyes drink him in. "Hey there." 

They haven’t been able to speak alone since his speech to her in the hotel room in New York three days earlier, but he also hasn’t expected them to.

Gwen had been required to stay behind a little longer in the city for some radio interviews about her single and forthcoming album, so Blake, Adam, and Kelly had flown back to L.A. without her.

And since returning to L.A., everyone had been incredibly busy getting ready for the show, dealing with the pure chaos that comes with a finale week.

Blake smiles at her, giving her a reassuring pat on the shoulder. He knows Robert is supposed to be getting in late tonight, and she must have that hanging over her head in addition to all of the insanity going on here at the set. 

He doesn't expect anything from her, no explanations or assurances, until she can get the confrontation with Robert done and over with.

An announcement over the loudspeaker informs them that the coaches — all twelve — need to get ready to be introduced for the start of the show.

“I guess we have to head out there,” Blake says. “Walk with me?”

Gwen nods, giving him a little smile. They move side by side, in tandem even without touching. Blake can’t help but sneak glances at her as they make their way to the stage.

It’s the penultimate night of their time working together; the show will soon be over.

But he’s more confident than ever that this is only the beginning for them — a new beginning.

* * *

Gwen finds Robert in his home office Tuesday morning, typing away at his laptop with two phones out next to him on the desk.

The sight of him is enough to make her want to run away, but she’s determined to stop running, from anyone. Especially from herself.

She steels herself instead. Honesty. Strength. She needs it all to take hold of her own future.

Robert looks up from his computer and his face brightens at the sight of her, which makes her feel all the worse for what she's about to do to him. 

He'd called her after he landed the night before, asking when he could see her once he tried to get some sleep. She'd told him she'd come by the next morning, that there were some things they needed to talk about.

She can tell by the look on his face now that he's not worried at all, must not think it's anything serious. 

He looks wan and tired, the eight-hour time difference from London still clearly wearing on him. Even so, he hops up to meet her near the door, hugging her to him.

"Are you nervous about the results show tonight? I'm going to do my best to be there," he says, kissing her forehead. 

"Um..." Gwen bites her lips and stammers with her response. "Yeah, I'm nervous, I guess." 

He has no way of knowing that she has way bigger things weighing on her mind right now than the outcome of the show. 

Robert goes over to the bar set up behind his desk, pouring a glass of water. "Do you want something to drink? What did you want to talk about?" 

"No, I'm fine," Gwen says. "Can we sit down?"

With the last question her voice breaks, and she knows that crack has given her away. 

Robert raises an eyebrow, a look of concern finally falling upon his face. He sets the glass of water down, untouched. 

"Okay," he says, his tone serious now. "What's going on?" 

Gwen leads him to the sofa across from his desk, exhaling and inhaling a few times to try and steady her heart rate. They settle down next to each other, and she does her best to focus her thoughts and form them into careful words. 

"When we first met, I was in a really bad place," she begins. "You know I hadn't been single for very long, and I was hurting really badly, and I just wanted to forget about the pain I was going through."

Robert stares at her, his expression unchanging as he waits for her to continue. 

"The thing is..." she swallows nervously as she tries to get the words out. Her hands are trembling. "The thing is. I really wasn't ready to be with someone else, and I shouldn't have tried. I... I was still in love with Blake, and I thought if I threw myself into a new relationship it would help me get over him. And I tried, I really, really tried, and when I said yes to your proposal, I thought that I was ready and I thought I had moved on from him."

She meets Robert's eyes, which are narrowing slightly with unfortunate realization. 

"But it wasn't the right thing to do, and I've recognized over the past couple of months that I'm... I'm really not over him,” Gwen says, tears coming to her eyes. “I'm so, so sorry, but... I realized that I still love him."

Robert sits quietly, thinking for a moment, not looking at her. She sees the vein in his neck pulsing, and she braces herself for what he might say next. 

Finally, he tilts his head to the side and looks at her, his face hardened. "Did you sleep with him?" 

Gwen's mouth falls open, and she feels heat rise to her cheeks. Though they didn’t take things that far, she knows she has no right to be offended by Robert’s question.

"No," she says. "I swear... but... we have kissed."

Robert nods, the sides of his mouth turning up into a coarse, bitter smile. He stands up and starts to pace. "That motherfucker." 

Gwen shakes her head, tears falling down her cheeks. "I'm so sorry, Robert. I never wanted to hurt you."

Robert lets out a heavy sigh, rubbing his forehead. "How long ago? How long have you been keeping this from me?" 

"It happened while you were gone. I'm telling you now because this is the first time I'm seeing you in person,” Gwen says. “But I have been holding back how I really feel from you longer than that... I've been struggling with my feelings and my doubt for a while now."

Gwen sits and waits as Robert moves around silently. He goes back to his glass of water and drinks it down, then pours a glass of whiskey. Gwen wants to give him time to grasp everything she has just thrown at him, and she’s willing to answer any questions he has. It’s the least she can do. 

Finally, Robert sits back down and, to her surprise, he takes Gwen's hands in his. 

"We can move past this," he says, rubbing her hands with his thumbs. "I love you, and I want to marry you." 

Gwen sighs, knows she has to be brutally honest, because if she's sure of nothing else, it’s that she can't marry someone she doesn't truly love.

She should have never tried to convince herself she could do it. She knows now she’d be better off alone than to settle for that.

"I'm sorry, Robert, but I _can't_ … I can’t do it," she says. "I can't marry you. I can't be with you anymore." 

Robert nods fervently. "Yes, you can," he says. "I can get over this, and so can you. The show is over tonight, and you won't see him again. You'll forget about him eventually. We can be happy." 

Gwen shakes her head, full of repentance. 

"No, Robert. I’m sorry, but I won't forget about him,” she says. “Don’t you think I’ve tried? It’s impossible.”

Robert looks away from her, his face still full of rebellion, unwilling to accept what she’s saying. 

“I care about you, I really do, and I want what's best for you, and that's not me. It can't be, because I'm in love with someone else," she says. "It's not fair to you to try and force something to work that is never going to."

Robert nods and stands, walking back over to his desk. Gwen watches as he sits down, settling back behind his computer.

“Very well, then,” he says, now eerily calm. “I guess that’s it. You can go.”

Gwen stands slowly, crying again. Things started out so innocently. She just wanted to enjoy life again, to have fun, to remember what it was like to smile.

Robert had helped her do all that, but she’d let it go too far. And now she had taken his heart in her hands, and then she had essentially dropped it on the floor and stepped on it.

“I’m so sorry,” she says, her voice breaking again. Robert looks at her, but he might as well be looking right through her.

“You said that already,” he replies, his voice icy and monotone.

Gwen nods, backing away, giving him one last look of sorrow before she departs.

As she drives home, she cries freely even as she feels relief flow through her. She knows she’s doing the right thing — she just wishes she hadn’t done so many wrong things before finally getting here.

She spent the past year making a real mess of her life. Today is the day she starts to rebuild.


	11. Chapter 11

Gwen couldn’t have picked a worse night to be running late.

She’d gotten home from breaking up with Robert, still crying her eyes out, and had been immediately faced with the pre-scheduled obligation of doing five radio station call-ins to talk about her music.

She’d had to do those interviews while delicately avoiding the fact that her engagement was extremely recently decimated, and that the new single was very much about Blake, her ex-boyfriend who she might actually be working her way back to.

It wasn’t exactly easy, but years of experience had taught her a thing or two about staying vague. Somehow she managed to get through it all while giving away nothing.

After those calls were finally done, she’d had to meet with her record company to finalize proofs of her album cover art before it went into production, and _then_ she’d had a meeting to talk about the treatment for her next music video.

All of this happened to come on the same day as The Voice finale results show. At least all she had to do for this episode was show up.

As she drives to the set, running ridiculously late, she finally lets herself settle down and think about Blake.

She’s officially single now. He loves her, she loves him.

It seems simple, but it’s not. It’s not like they can just get back together and everything will be perfect.

They have a lot to talk about. She needs to find a way to fully express to him what she wants, even as she’s not sure what that really looks like.

She only knows she wants to try and figure it out _with_ him.

Just as she predicted, she gets to the studio with merely enough time to get her hair and makeup done before running to get to the stage. The other coaches are lining up and preparing to be introduced when she arrives, and Blake sends her a relieved look, clearly having been worried about where she was.

“I’m sorry, guys,” she apologizes, putting her hands on her hips and trying to catch her breath.

“Jeez, Gwen, we were wondering what was up,” Kelly says, giving her a comforting hug.

The countdown to showtime begins, and Gwen straightens up, patting her hair and moving closer to Blake. As soon as the show is over, she’ll take him aside and tell him everything.

They’ll talk and figure out where they can go from here. She knows he’s returning to Oklahoma the next morning, so they’ll have to start somewhere tonight and then just go from there.

She hopes the hour goes by quickly.

* * *

The first thing he notices is how beautiful she looks even though she has clearly just run in a full sprint — in heels, no less — to get to the stage.

The second thing he notices is that she’s still wearing her engagement ring.

It hits him hard, seeing that symbol of commitment to someone else still on her finger.

Blake knows Robert was supposed to have returned last night, and Gwen had said she was going to talk to him as soon as she could.

Maybe she just hasn’t gotten the chance yet? Maybe Robert’s flight was delayed, and he hasn’t made it home?

Blake doesn’t really believe that she would let Robert convince her to stay with him… at least he hopes not.

He thinks back to their conversation in New York, her reaction to him telling her he loved her and wanted to be with her forever.

He knows those words got through to her, and even though she hadn’t responded — she hadn’t yet said that she loved him as well — he could see it in her eyes that she felt the same way.

She let him kiss her, and if he hadn’t forced himself to leave after making his declaration, he thinks she would have let him kiss her even more.

But he knows she's spent the last few weeks heavily conflicted, and it’s not a given that she’ll just make up her mind within a few days.

He has to give her the time and space she needs.

And he may just have to wait a little longer to find out what she wants — if she even knows yet what that is.

* * *

Before the results are announced, the four finalists each sing one more song, neither one particularly better than the rest. They’re all so good, and Blake genuinely has no idea who the winner is going to be.

Ultimately, Jesse takes third place. 

Blake feels disappointed, but he knows that losing The Voice doesn’t really mean any more than winning it in the end. Each artist will have to go out and make a name for themselves in the world either way.

In the last minutes of the show, as the final two, Lila and Jaycee, stand up there on stage holding hands, waiting for the winner to be announced, Blake fixes his eyes on Gwen.

He wants this for her.

“And the winner of this season of The Voice is…” Carson holds out an extra-long pause, the same as he always does, for dramatic effect.

“Lila Carter!”

Cheers erupt, confetti falls, and chaos ensues as everyone rushes the stage to surround Lila. Gwen is there at her side immediately, celebrating with her girl, embracing Lila’s parents. 

Blake goes over to find Jesse on the side of the stage, giving him a final hug goodbye.

“I’ll see you in Nashville soon,” Blake promises. “You’ve got my number.”

The two men plan to meet up within the next month, and Blake gives him one last pat on the back before Jesse turns and walks away.

Blake can see the photographers and cameras setting up by Gwen and Lila, who are swarmed on all sides by a combination of crew, interviewers, well-wishers, and family.

Looking up in the seating area, he is pleasantly surprised to notice Gwen’s parents coming down the steps from the audience. He hasn’t seen them since before the breakup, and feeling bashful, he stands and waits to see if they have any interest in talking to him.

Gwen’s mom sees him first, her face lighting up. “Blake!” she exclaims, coming over to hug him along with her husband. “It’s been such a long time.”

“It sure has,” he replies, looking down at Gwen’s parents fondly. They were always so generous to him, welcoming him into their family and treating him like another son. He isn’t sure what Gwen has told them about their present situation, if anything, but it doesn’t seem like they hold any ill will toward him whatsoever.

Gwen’s father shakes his hand, and they ask if Blake is going to be in L.A. for much longer.

“No, I’m heading home tomorrow,” he tells them. “But I’m sure I’ll be out here again for something or other before I know it.”

He sure hopes that “something or other” is their daughter.

Blake walks with them as they try to make their way through the crowd to Gwen, and then he stands by as she hugs her mom and dad.

Not wanting to impose or intrude, he decides just to quickly reach over and squeeze her arm. She looks at him, and the happiness on her face becomes mixed with some other emotion — he’s not sure if it’s fear or desire or a combination of both.

"Congratulations," he says simply. It’s all he has time to say. She is only able to respond with a brief thank you before someone else is tugging on her arm, telling her that she and Lila need to get together for publicity photos. 

Blake backs away and decides to head back to the main compound. There he finds more crew members to say goodbye to, and then he gets to work cleaning out his trailer.

This whole thing has been a complete blur, and he can’t believe it’s over.

Walking out of his trailer with all of the random crap he’d kept in there these past two months, he can’t help but relive the feelings he experienced the last time he said goodbye to this show.

It was extremely bittersweet then — the end of an era for him and the start of a future unknown.

He has some of those very same feelings now as he prepares to leave it all behind again — this time for good.

“It’s been real, buddy,” Adam says, coming over to give Blake a big hug on his way out of the building.

“I’ll miss you, you idiot,” Blake says. “I hope to see you guys again soon. I’ll let you know next time I come this way.”

After about thirty minutes, Gwen still hasn’t returned from the stage, and Blake isn’t even sure if she’s going to come back or not. He considers that maybe he shouldn’t wait around for her.

She hasn’t said anything to him about wanting to talk yet, and that ring is still on her finger.

There’s a fine line between persistently pursuing someone and pushing them too hard, and he doesn’t want to cross it just yet. When he started this whole thing, his main goal was to win Gwen back. He doesn’t know if he’s succeeded, but he’s given it his best shot, and he’s not stopping with the end of the show.

He’ll bust into the church at her wedding if he has to — he’s not sure if Catholics do that thing where the minister asks if anyone has an objection or whatever before the ceremony can continue, but he’d let them know he has two or three.

He gives the area one final lingering look, then turns to walk out with his jacket slung over his shoulder, his box of stuff under his arm.

Tonight is her night to celebrate her win. He’ll try to reach her one more time tomorrow before his plane flies far, far away.

* * *

When all the hullabaloo has finally died down, the pictures are taken, and the interviews with the television entertainment shows are done, Gwen says one last goodbye to Lila.

“I’m so proud of you and how you’ve grown in such a short time,” Gwen tells her. “Never forget to be yourself and believe in yourself, and don’t settle for anything but the best.”

They hug tightly, and Gwen has to wipe away some tears, of course.

“I’m really going to miss you,” Lila tells her. “You were like a second mother to me here.”

“That is the biggest compliment you could ever give me,” Gwen replies, kissing the top of her head.

Gwen hurries back to the trailer area, immediately looking around for Blake. She can’t believe she didn’t get the chance to talk to him tonight.

She didn’t really expect to win, since she had never even come close before, so she thought she could just pull him aside after the show, have a private talk somewhere quiet, have time to figure out their next steps.

She couldn’t have been more wrong about that.

Walking over to his trailer, she knocks a couple of times and receives no answer. She takes a chance and turns the knob on the door.

The trailer is completely empty, of his things and of him — he’s gone.

Disappointment surges through her. Gwen closes the door and takes a few steps out, wondering what she should do now.

The door opens on the trailer next to Blake’s, and Kelly and Brandon walk out, both carrying boxes full of Kelly’s things.

“Hey, you’re still here,” Gwen calls out, hurrying over to them.

“I am so happy for you and for Lila,” Kelly says, beaming at her. “This was such a great experience.”

Gwen nods her agreement, biting her lip. She hates to have to drag anyone else into her and Blake’s private business, but she wants and needs to see him as soon as possible. She has to do what she has to do.

“Do you guys happen to know the hotel Blake is staying at and his room number?” she asks, throwing her pride and potential embarrassment to the wind.

Kelly and Brandon look at each other, and Kelly smiles widely. “Of course we do. Let me text you so you don’t have to write it down.”

She puts down the box she was holding and pulls out her phone, sending a message to Gwen with Blake’s hotel details.

“But this information is only good for about twelve hours,” Kelly cautions her. “He’s flying out early tomorrow morning.”

Gwen nods in understanding. “Thank you so much, Kelly,” Gwen says, giving her a hug. “I owe you big time.”

* * *

Gwen decides not to warn him that she’s coming.

Part of her wants to give herself an escape route if possible — so if she chickens out before she gets there, she can turn around and go home and he’ll be none the wiser that she was ever on her way to see him.

But the closer she gets to his hotel, the more her anticipation grows. She won’t feel at peace until she talks to him and tells him how she feels.

Blake opens the door to her, his eyes questioning — filled with hope and trepidation at the same time. 

“You found me,” he says, his voice steady. He doesn't ask how. 

He steps aside so that she can enter his room, and her eyes survey the suite, taking in all the details about the place Blake has made his home for the last two months.

Without thinking to ask if it’s all right, she walks through a living room area containing sofas and a television stand, passes the kitchenette, and heads to the bedroom portion of his room, where two suitcases are splayed out on the floor, clothes haphazardly thrown on top of them — a precursor to actual packing.

His guitar sits upright in a corner next to his boots, and two empty water bottles rest on the nightstand next to the king-sized bed.

Other than that, there is nothing personal to Blake in this room, and it makes Gwen sad to think that this is where he’s spent his lonely nights while he waited for her to figure out exactly what she wanted.

“Congratulations on your win, again. I knew you were swamped over there, so I was going to try and reach you tomorrow, before I left,” Blake says, following her into the bedroom and closing the tops of the suitcases — what appears to be an attempt to tidy up for his guest.

Seemingly realizing the futility of this task, he gestures toward the mess helplessly and sighs. “Came to say goodbye?”

Gwen gazes at him, forgetting her words for a second. She shakes her head.

“No. I came to tell you that…” she pauses, taking a deep breath as she prepares to deliver her news. “I broke off the engagement. This morning, I… I spoke with him this morning.”

Blake stares at her, seemingly not comprehending what she’s saying. “But…” his eyes go to her hand, where she realizes earlier tonight he must have seen her diamond.

She had been so flustered by her lateness, so panicked, she had completely forgotten she was even wearing it. She stupidly hadn’t even considered what Blake might think when he saw it.

“Oh, the ring? I just wore it for the show because we haven’t announced the news to the public yet,” she says. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but everything was so crazy.”

She holds up her hand so that he can see more clearly that her finger is now bare; the ring is locked up tight in her car’s glove compartment.

Blake runs his hand through his hair and sinks down onto the bed, a slight smile on his face. He seems to be in shock.

“Wow, so… what did you say? What did he say?”

Gwen looks past Blake at the wall. She practiced what she was going to tell him on the way over here, but now she’s afraid it’s all just going to come out a mess.

“I told him that I cared about him, but I couldn’t marry him,” she says. “I feel terrible, because I never should have accepted his proposal — I never should have dated him in the first place. I was just so sad and so lonely when it started.”

She shifts her eyes to Blake, who is looking at her intently.

“I told him that you and I kissed… I told him that I’m sorry, but I’m still in love with you.” Gwen’s voice cracks on the word love, and she has to clear her throat to be able to continue. “But…”

Blake’s forehead creases at the word “but,” and he looks down at his hands.

“It scares me how much I love you, and it always has,” she says. “There were reasons for the breakup, things we have to deal with — and there are things still there inside of me that I need to work on. There’s still damage, from long before I ever met you. I can’t tell you that I’m not still a little afraid.”

She lets that admission sit for a moment, waiting to see if Blake has anything to say. He remains quiet, but stands up and walks over to the window. The curtains have been drawn to the side, allowing for a view of the city lights below.

He crosses his arms and stares out through the glass. Gwen follows him but stops short a few feet behind him, talking to his back.

“I don’t know where we go from here,” she admits. “I really don’t know, and I can’t make any promises to you that it will all go back to the way it used to be.”

She moves forward hesitantly, putting her hands on his waist and resting her forehead against his back. Drawing strength from the words he spoke to her the other day, the future he said he envisioned for them, she presses forward.

“I just know that I had to tell you before you left that I love you, and I'm always going to love you,” she says, unable to contain the emotion rising in her voice. “I’m trying to stop running. I’m just hoping that together we can figure things out, and that you can be patient with me.”

She presses a light kiss against his back. “I understand if I’m confusing you or if you need time to think — ”

Blake whirls around, cutting Gwen’s words off with the collision of his mouth against hers. She responds instantly, gripping the front of his shirt and pulling him closer, savoring his kiss as he wraps his arms around her.

“You have all my time,” he whispers into her hair. “We’re going to work it out together.”

They stand there quiet for a moment, holding each other, and Gwen can hardly believe this is really happening.

How her life has turned around in mere weeks. How she was headed full speed down the completely wrong path, and a tornado came in and picked her up and set her in the right direction.

She looks up at him, standing on her toes to show that she wants him to kiss her again. He obliges, combing his fingers through her hair and holding her head steady as he presses his lips to hers.

There’s a lot she still doesn’t know, but she knows that she loves him. She spent the last year forcing herself to forget about all the reasons she loves him. 

Now, as they stand in the middle of his bedroom kissing, her mind releases the list for her perusal. It is long. 

His optimism, his generosity, his sensitivity, even in his unflinching honesty. The way he cares for her children; how kind he is to everyone he meets; the way he plays guitar so soulfully, so effortlessly, as if the instrument is merely an additional appendage.

How he makes her laugh; how he goes out of his way to make her smile when she’s feeling down; how he's always supported everything she does, in word and in action.

Now that she has his arms around her again, she doesn’t know how she’ll find the willpower to leave. There’s so much they need to talk about still, but right now she just wants to feel him against her.

She slows down their kissing and backs up to the bed, taking him with her by the hands.

“I don’t... I don’t think I’m ready for um, too much too fast, but I would really like it if you could hold me for a while,” she says.

He looks down at her with understanding in his eyes. She used to ask this of him sometimes, back when they were together. Especially in the very beginning, when they were getting to know each other and helping each other through one of the darkest periods of their lives after their respective divorces.

“Please just hold me,” she’d say, and he always did. It was intimate and tender, and she wants that again with him, right now.

“Of course,” Blake says, just as she knew he would. “I can hold you as long as you want.”

She scoots back onto the bed, lying on her side with her head on a pillow, watching him with her peripheral vision as she waits for him to join her.

Blake puts one knee on the bed and then cautiously stretches his body alongside hers, pulling her back against him and enveloping her in his arms from behind. She closes her eyes and breathes deeply, in and out.

She’s been here like this with him so many times, but of course this time is different. It feels familiar, and yet it feels new.

“Are you comfortable?” he asks, his mouth brushing her ear. She feels a shiver run through her, and she squeezes her eyes shut.

“Yes,” she murmurs, fighting the desire to turn over and kiss him again. She knows if she does that, she won’t be able to stop — and it’s too soon.

After a while, she hears Blake’s breathing transition into a steady rhythm of someone who is sound asleep. Feeling that it’s now safe, she rolls over, still in his arms, and looks up at him. His face is peaceful; there’s almost a smile on his lips. She leans in and kisses his chin, then curls up against his chest, smiling a little to herself as well.

Within minutes she's falling into her own dreamless sleep, her mind too clear to conjure up any of its own trouble tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks so much for all of the support for this story, and all of your comments, they mean a lot! 
> 
> It's not over just yet... still a few bumps in the road.


	12. Chapter 12

Beams of sunlight stream in through the window, awakening Gwen as the rays shine directly in her face.

She opens her eyes slowly, looking over at the empty space beside her on the bed. The clock radio on the nightstand says it's just after 7 a.m., but Blake is nowhere to be found.

They slept the whole night together, fully clothed on top of the bedspread. At some point Blake had gently shaken her awake to ask if she needed to get home. 

"No," she'd said. Her kids were being well cared for thanks to Todd and Jen, and she didn't want to go — she didn't want to leave yet not knowing the next time she would see him. 

He'd pulled the blanket over them and held her closer. She fell back to sleep within minutes. 

She was amazed at how comfortable she could be with him once she allowed herself to be. It's something about him, something that's always been there. Even though they'd spent more than a year apart, she already felt at home with him again. 

Gwen notices a note on hotel stationery next to the clock, Blake's scrawl on the paper. 

_Went to get coffee for us, don't go anywhere..._

She smiles and meanders over to the bathroom mirror, where she fixes her hair as best as she can and brushes her teeth with some toothpaste on her finger. 

Maybe they should have done more talking last night, more planning — she always wants to plan. Now she realizes they're about to say goodbye, and she has no idea what's next. 

She doesn't know what his schedule is like the next week or month, she doesn't know if he'll come back here or if he expects her to come to him, she doesn't know if she should tell anyone about them or even what she would say. 

She hears the door opening to the suite, so she makes her way out of the bedroom. They smile shyly, the first time they’re setting eyes on each other in the light of day after embarking on whatever this new phase of their relationship will entail. 

"I ran down the street to get this for us," Blake says, holding up two white lidded coffee cups and a little paper bag. "They had these apple fritter things... I couldn't help it." 

"Thank you," Gwen says, taking the cup from him. They gaze at each other, reticent and almost a little awkward. 

"Do you want to sit down?" he asks, motioning toward the kitchen. She follows him to the little table, where they settle across from each other. He cuts the apple fritter in half with a plastic knife for them to share, and Gwen nervously stuffs a bite into her mouth.

"What time does your plane leave?" she asks.

"About 9," he replies. "I got a little time, I guess, before I have to head out." 

She nods, sipping her drink. "So... we didn't really say too much last night about... the future. I think you told me a couple of weeks ago you were going to be taking a break when the show was over?"

Blake nods. "Yeah, just a small one. I have a couple weeks off, need to take care of some stuff at home, and then I've actually got a little fifteen-show tour I'm doing."

"Oh," Gwen says, trying to push back the anxious feeling that's already niggling at the back of her mind. If he's got a tour coming up, and she's got her new album and her own shows she's doing, when are they even going to see each other? 

It’s almost like they're back to where they were the day before they broke up. Both so busy, going in different directions. And now he doesn’t even live with her anymore.

But, she reminds herself, it’s different now, because with time and a failed engagement behind her, she has a renewed focus — she knows she wants to make their relationship work. Back then she was too scared to try.

And he wants them to be together, too. She just has to take a deep breath and rediscover that trust that used to be between them. Remember what he said.

_It always comes back to you and me._

"I was thinking I'd come back here this weekend, maybe look at some houses for lease," Blake says. 

Gwen's eyebrows raise in surprise. "Oh?"

Blake pauses. "Well, yeah, I mean... I was thinking I'd need a place to stay when I come and see you," he explains. "A place for us to see each other, if we need to. I... I mean, unless you don't want me to do that?"

Gwen shakes her head. "You can do whatever you want to."

Blake frowns. "I want to be with you. So, I plan to come see you when I can, and I want to have a place to stay until... well, I know we're going to take things slow. But I don't plan to be here so infrequently that hotels will be enough. You know what I mean?" 

Things are moving really fast, so fast she feels like she might need to stop and take a breath. A couple of weeks ago she was still planning to marry someone else, even if her doubts were growing exponentially by the minute. 

For her to be here, sitting across from Blake in his hotel room, hearing that he's going to find a place to live here now because of _her_ — it's kind of making her head spin. 

But it also feels really good. 

Blake seems to be rethinking his plan after sensing her hesitation. “If you don’t think it’s a good idea, I guess I can just do hotels for a while, I mean…”

She reaches over and takes his hand, trying to reassure him. “I think it’s an amazing idea, actually.”

She smiles, and he brings her hand to his lips. “Good,” he says. “Then that’s what I’ll do.”

Too quickly, before she’s ready, it’s time for Blake to start getting packed up. She sits on the bed and watches as he finishes shoving everything into his luggage.

“I guess I’d better go ahead of you,” Gwen says, her throat threatening to close as she’s faced with seeing him leave. This feeling is all too familiar, too. Only knowing he’ll be back soon somewhat soothes the sting.

Blake pulls her into a hug, swaying slightly as he tightens his grip around her. “I’ll call you,” he says. The simple sentiment makes her laugh.

“Well, I hope so,” she replies, leaning up to kiss him softly. They break apart, then simultaneously go in for more kisses. Still making up for so much lost time.

“I gotta go,” she says, laughing a little as she gives him one last kiss. She lets him go and starts to turn the knob on his door.

“I love you,” he says after her, causing her to turn back to him.

His voice is still vulnerable, still timid, even after their night together. It reminds her that while she still has some apprehension, he’s right there with her. They’re truly in this together, in every way.

“I love you, too.”

As she makes her way home, she realizes that this is the first time in a long time she’s actually looking ahead to the future.

She’d been stuck in this place for so long where she was merely trying to get through each day, actively avoiding thinking about what came next in her personal life — not wanting to set a wedding date, not envisioning what married life with Robert would be like. Just going through the motions, day after day.

Now, she’s thinking about this weekend. Thinking about next month. A year from now. 

Because for the first time in a long time, looking forward makes her feel happy.

* * *

Blake has only been back at his ranch in Oklahoma for an hour when he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket. Brandon is on the line.

“Have you talked to Gwen recently?”

Blake shakes his head in confusion, growing a little worried. “Not since I left L.A. this morning. Everything okay?”

Brandon sighs heavily. “You might want to check TMZ.”

> **Gwen Stefani engagement OFF: Blake Shelton to blame?**
> 
> Well, that didn't take long!
> 
> Sources tell TMZ that Gwen Stefani's engagement is over, and it's all because of her recent reconnection with ex Blake Shelton on The Voice revival.
> 
> Blake and Gwen dated for several years. When that ended, she quickly moved on from Blake to record company bigwig Robert Farrah.
> 
> Robert was said to be unconcerned when Gwen went back to work with Blake in the spring, but it looks like he should have been! 
> 
> "Blake and Gwen couldn’t stay away from each other. They were always in one or the other's trailer together when they weren't filming,” a set snitch said. "Everyone knew just by looking at them together that her engagement didn't stand a chance." 
> 
> Gwen ended her relationship with Robert “very recently,” the source tells TMZ. Coincidentally — or not — The Voice just wrapped up production yesterday.

Gwen is calling him the second he’s finished reading the article, sounding harried.

“I don’t know… I don’t think anyone could have leaked this except for someone connected to Robert,” she says. 

“The hell. Would he really do that to you?”

He can hear Gwen’s breath stutter. “I never thought he would, but he was upset… Not just upset. He was angry. And what about the supposed ‘source set’? Do you think they made up that part?”

Blake doesn’t know. He and Gwen had spent _some_ time together in their trailers, but in total it wasn’t actually much time at all. Certainly never long enough for anything to happen like what this article is suggesting — not long enough that it should have raised eyebrows.

“Are you okay?” he asks. “Are you getting a lot of calls?”

“Yes, several places have reached out to me for comment. I hadn’t even told my parents yet,” Gwen sighs. “I haven’t told anyone but you. Robert and I didn’t talk about making any kind of statement, but of course I knew the press would find out eventually. Now I don’t know what to say.”

Blake realizes that he and Gwen haven’t yet discussed how they’re going to move forward with their relationship in the public eye.

They’re in such a precarious place anyway; going out in the open together doesn’t seem like something they were going to do any time soon, even if it _wasn't_ on the heels of her broken engagement.

They might have been able to control the narrative somewhat if they’d been able to keep things a secret for a while. Now, there’s a direct report that Blake is the cause of her split. And, well… it’s not wrong.

It doesn’t make them look good, and no amount of spin or explanations or context is going to make it sound any better.

“I just… I wanted us to have privacy in the beginning,” Gwen says, sounding like she’s on the verge of tears. “Now everyone is going to immediately be in our business, tracking our every move, saying horrible things about us. Don’t we have enough to worry about as it is?”

Blake wishes he was physically with her right now. There’s nothing he can say from so many miles away that is going to ease her anxiety, he can tell.

“We don’t have to tell people anything yet,” he says. “They can’t take this from us. All right? Listen… I’ve already told Brandon to deny it when we get calls on this. I don’t care if people know I’m lying through my teeth, I’m not giving them the satisfaction of saying ‘no comment.’”

He’d done it the first time, back when he and Gwen were starting to date and there were rumors swirling about them — he’d lied as long as he needed to in order to protect what they had.

He kind of can’t believe they’re back in this same position now, after so many years. But he’ll do it all again with no problem.

“We just have to be really careful when we’re together,” he says.

“Oh no — how are we going to see each other this weekend now?” Gwen asks, sounding anguished. “Paparazzi will be following me everywhere, and if they see you...”

“I’ll wear a disguise if I have to,” he says. “I’m coming to you.”

“No, Blake, please,” Gwen is adamant. “Can we just let this settle down first? I don’t know how I’m going to handle this with all the interviews I have to do for my album release… oh God, everyone is going to be asking me. I don’t know what to do… how did I fuck this up so badly?”

Blake has been pacing during the entire phone call, but now he has to sit down. They’ve been “together” for less than 24 hours, and it’s already all going to hell.

He knows that while he’s integrally involved in this issue, it will be Gwen who bears the brunt of the media onslaught.

She’s the one who will be torn down as a cheater and heartbreaker and whatever other kind of slut-shaming rhetoric people like to throw at women.

He will let her lead the way on how to handle this, even while he feels dejected that she doesn’t want him to come and see her now.

“I have to return my ring to Robert,” Gwen says. “I was going to send it by courier, but I think I need to go talk to him myself now.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Blake asks, feeling a little nervous. He doesn't know this guy very well, but if he's really angry, the thought of Gwen going alone to confront him is a little troubling. “Maybe you should bring someone with you.”

Gwen is resolute, unworried. “I’ll be fine, I just… I have to know if he’s behind this. He won’t talk to me if someone is with me.”

Blake knows he can’t change her mind. “Please text me when you’re on your way over and then call me as soon as you leave,” he says.

After getting off the phone, Blake has to stop himself from punching the wall.

They were already up against some choppy waters — now they’re in for a monsoon.

* * *

Confusion and hurt fuel Gwen as she approaches Robert’s front door, whereas in any other circumstance she might be contrite or withdrawn.

She knows that theoretically she doesn’t have a right to be angry with Robert.

She betrayed him. It’s plain and simple. Perhaps she has to reap what she sows in the court of public opinion in order to make amends for what she did.

But she never intended to hurt him. She never planned any of this, and the moment the feelings for Blake she’d been trying to deny had manifested themselves physically, she knew she had to be honest with Robert and come clean about everything.

So if he purposefully allowed this information to get out in order to paint her in a bad light, to put her in a difficult position right as her album was coming out, when he knew she’d be obligated to do countless interviews — if he deliberately hurt her that way, he'd taken it to another level.

In the time she’d known him, she never dreamed he could have that kind of petty vengeance inside him. 

Robert has agreed to meet with her now under the guise of getting his ring back, but she thinks he must have some idea that she's going to want to discuss the media story and how it came about.

With the ring box feeling like it weighs a pound in her pocket, she presses his doorbell and waits.

The man that opens the door is one she doesn’t recognize.

Robert’s typical jovial demeanor, his charm, his warm smile, are all completely absent. He looks at her, stone-faced, his eyebrow raised. He is out of his usual business attire, instead wearing slacks, a baseball hat, and a white polo shirt.

“Come on in,” he says, turning and walking inside, leaving her to follow him and close the door behind her.

He leads her down the long hallway heading toward the kitchen, which puzzles her. She assumed they’d go to his office for privacy.

“I hope you don’t mind,” Robert says, his voice still icy. “I’m about to play golf with Jack.”

Gwen turns the corner, and there, sitting at the kitchen island with an iPad in his hand, is her now ex-future-stepson.

The one she saw in New York a week ago, the one who saw her with Blake at the restaurant. Shit.

“Hi,” she says, her voice small. The guilt she probably should have been feeling the whole trip over, the remorse she had been able to bury under her indignance over the TMZ story, rises back to the surface, overwhelming her and making her want to hide beneath the kitchen table.

“Gwen,” Jack says, not looking up from the iPad. 

“You had something to return to me,” Robert reminds her, getting a pitcher of water out of the refrigerator. “That’s why you came, right?”

Gwen takes the black velvet ring box out of her pocket and puts it on the counter. As if he wants to insult her further, Robert reaches over and opens the box, seemingly checking to make sure the ring is really inside.

“Um, there was something else I wanted to speak with you about, in private,” Gwen says, glancing over at Jack. “Please?”

Robert’s face makes it clear he doesn’t give a damn. “Anything you want to say to me, you can say in front of my son.”

Gwen inhales a deep breath, reminding herself of all the reasons why she has a right to confront him right now. Did he not even think about her kids when he decided to trigger the media avalanche descending on her life?

“Okay, fine,” she says. “Who talked to TMZ? Who gave them that story?”

Robert shrugs, looking over at Jack. “What TMZ story?”

“Robert, come on,” Gwen says, her voice strangled. She doesn’t even know this person in front of her. He’d said yesterday he loved her. How could he have turned on her so quickly, so ruthlessly?

“The only people who knew before this came out online were you, me, and anyone we told. And I know it wasn’t anyone on my end who did this.”

Jack cackles, and Gwen shoots him a look. She is about to look back at Robert when instead she stops and stares at his son. Realization falls over her. 

It does seem unlikely that Robert himself would call up TMZ, that he would even think to do it. He never concerned himself with that world too much, was always focused only on business. He hadn’t even cared whether they confirmed their engagement to the media. 

But Jack… the talent agent with connections all over Hollywood and Manhattan? He’d know exactly how to use TMZ or whatever outlet he wanted.

“Was it you?” she asks him, her cheeks burning. It’s more of a statement than a question. “You decided to announce your father’s news and make sure everyone knew I was the bad guy.”

For the first time since she arrived, Jack looks up at her and makes eye contact.

“That’s quite an accusation,” he says, a slight smile on his face. And yet, he doesn’t deny it.

“It _was_ you,” Gwen says, more to herself than to him. “That’s just… just great.”

Jack shrugs, zero sympathy in his eyes. “None of it was untrue, was it?”

“It was unfair,” Gwen says, but her defense sounds weak, and she knows it. “I never set out to… I never wanted to hurt you, Robert.”

She turns her gaze back on her ex-fiancé. “I wish you could believe me. I hate that you’re upset, and I hate that you’re angry with me, because you really were so caring to me. You were so sweet, and you never deserved any of this.”

Robert looks away from her, and she knows her words aren’t going to fix anything. She’s still walking out the door at the end of this; she still can’t give him what he wants.

“I really want you to find happiness, I do,” she says. “I will never be able to express how terrible I feel about how all this has turned out.”

Neither Robert nor Jack reply or even look at her. Gwen feels if she stands here any longer, castigating herself, she will lose whatever shred of dignity she has left.

“I guess I’m leaving now,” she says. “I’m just… I’m really sorry for everything.”

She turns and leaves the two men in the kitchen, letting herself out of the house.

As she pulls out of Robert's gated driveway, a car staked out with paparazzi pulls behind her, snapping photos out of their rolled-down windows.

She doesn’t accelerate, doesn’t take a different way home to try and lose them. She just stares blankly out the windshield, numbly accepting her fate as they follow her all the way to her own gate, letting her go once she’s on private property.

Her optimism about the future lasted a whole morning.

* * *

Blake’s mom is on his doorstep, and he’s not remotely surprised.

“What’s this about you and Gwen getting back together?” she drawls, making her way inside. He sighs, then laughs cynically as he follows her.

“Well… it’s a long story,” he says.

“I’ve got time.”

Blake puts on a pot of coffee and tells his mom to make herself comfortable.

“I might have made it my mission to win her back,” he admits. “I decided I didn’t care that she was engaged — I wanted her and I tried to make her see that we loved each other and should be together. And it worked.”

His mom tilts her head. “You sound real upset for someone who got exactly what he wanted,” she says.

Blake rubs his eyes with the heels of his hands.

“Well, now it’s all over the Internet that we had some kind of affair — which isn’t really how it happened — and everything’s a mess,” Blake says, throwing up his hands. “And I can’t even be there for her, she’s already telling me to stay away until it dies down. Who knows when the hell that’s going to happen.”

He didn’t expect this to be easy — it hasn’t been from the beginning, so why start now? But the way in which the drama in their lives ramped up so suddenly, so immediately, makes him wonder if they’re getting some kind of cosmic retribution for how they went about reuniting.

His mom looks at him, seeming perplexed. “You two are no strangers to stupid online chatter.”

“Yeah, but this is different, this situation is… we have to handle it delicately. I just got her to come back to me, and now this is exactly the kind of thing that might scare her off again,” he says. “Like I said, I was gonna go out there, and now she’s saying no. Already saying, 'no, stay away.'”

He understands it on one hand, and yet it’s bothering him on the other.

“I gotta call her, we have to talk,” he says, determined. “This is a time where we need to be completely clear with each other, if we’re going to make it through this.”

Just as he’s picking up his phone to dial Gwen’s number, he sees that she’s calling him.

“It was Jack,” she says when he answers.

“Jack?” Blake’s mind comes up blank. “Who’s Jack?”

“Robert’s son — the one you met. He’s the one who went to TMZ, as payback for his father.”

Blake thinks back to that guy, the smarmy look on his face, the weak handshake, the way he sized Blake up as someone beneath him. That fucking loser.

“My team is working on a statement right now,” Gwen says. “It’s not going to address the allegations about you. It’s just going to confirm that Robert and I have called off our wedding. Short and simple, and we’re trying to limit the questions reporters can ask me in my interviews coming up.”

Blake murmurs his understanding. He’s not sure how Gwen is going to avoid these topics completely, he says. She agrees.

“Yeah, it’s going to make promoting this album super hard,” she says. “Which is what Jack wanted, I guess. To either shut me up or make me look terrible — either way, no one will want to buy my record.”

Blake can’t help but think this is all his fault. The timing of everything was the opposite of convenient. But what else could he have done? He was going to lose her, and he couldn’t let that happen. And then she chose him. She willingly came to him because her engagement was not right. She was never supposed to marry that guy.

They’re equals in this — that’s what he needs to say to her.

“I want to be in this with you, a hundred percent,” he tells her. “I’m not saying we go public yet, but I don’t want you shutting me out and trying to handle all of this by yourself. Okay? I’m side by side with you, through everything. Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it.”

Blake waits as she sits quietly on the other line, thinking. 

Finally, she releases a breath. “Thank you.”

The heaviness in her voice is mixed with genuine gratitude. “I don’t want to go through this without you — I need you,” she admits. “We’ll figure out a way to see each other. Soon, I promise.”

They say goodbye, and Blake is mollified, for now.

He thinks maybe it was actually a little easier not to worry when he was fighting to get her back — there's a shift now that he has her again, now that he has her to lose. 

He’s going to stay on her to tell him how she feels, and he’s going to be better about showing her exactly how he feels, too.

They have to learn from their past mistakes, even when they feel like the world is falling down on their heads.

He knows she’s had to come around and trust him with her heart in his hands — he will have to trust her with his.


	13. Chapter 13

Gwen doesn’t want the boys to find out from anyone but her.

In an ideal world, she’d have time to ease them into the news that she and Robert are no longer getting married — something the kids had never shown particular interest or excitement about to begin with.

In an ideal world, she and Blake would be able to quietly and privately re-explore each other and map out a definite path for themselves before getting the boys involved, avoid confusing them with his sudden re-entry into their lives.

In an ideal world, there would be no TMZ, no tabloids, no online gossip that her very tech-savvy children might easily come across.

It’s not an ideal world.

She wishes more than anything that her relationship drama didn’t affect her kids, but she knows it has and it does and it will.

Concern is rising about how they might view her, seeing her go from Blake to Robert and back to Blake. They can’t possibly understand the intricacies of the situation, of her relationships, of her feelings.

But she will have to try and help them understand as best as she can.

> **Gwen Stefani calls off engagement**
> 
> It’s over for Gwen Stefani and record executive Robert Farrah.
> 
> A spokesperson for Stefani confirmed the news to PEOPLE in a prepared statement, emphasizing that the split between Stefani and Farrah was amicable. 
> 
> Stefani has not addressed rampant rumors that her breakup is connected to a reconciliation with ex-boyfriend, country singer Blake Shelton.
> 
> A source close to Shelton denied reports that he and Stefani recently rekindled their romance as they worked together on The Voice revival, when Stefani was still engaged.
> 
> “Gwen and Blake are friends and will continue to be,” the source said.

As soon as Gwen sees that the official confirmation of her breakup is out online, she decides it’s time to gather the kids and tell them what she can so far.

“Guys, can you come here for a second? I need to talk to you.”

The kids know when she calls them all together for a “family meeting” of some kind that it’s important, and she has them pretty well disciplined. The three boys make their way to where she stands in the living room, sitting down on the sofa under her direction.

“So, you guys know that Robert and I planned to get married.”

They all nod, curious expressions on their faces. Gwen doesn’t think Apollo ever fully understood about the wedding, while Kingston understood all too well — and was never too happy about it.

“Well, I’m sorry to tell you guys that we’ve decided not to do that anymore — not to get married,” she says. “So Robert and I are just going to be friends, and um, you might not see him as much anymore.”

The kids stare at her like they’re still waiting for some bigger news to come out of her mouth, like that can’t possibly be all.

She gets it. The last time they had to have a talk like this, it was for her to tell them that Blake had moved out. Apollo had been confused, Zuma had cried, Kingston had been silently upset.

They had _loved_ Blake and had known him for years.

Robert to them was just a really nice man that came around over the past year and sometimes took their family out to eat and gave their mom a big ring. He was never much more than that, she realizes now.

It’s kind of a blessing, then, that neither she nor Robert ever got too close to each other’s families.

“There’s one other thing,” Gwen says hesitantly, not wanting to get their hopes up or place too big of an emphasis on this part of her news when it’s still such a fragile situation.

“It’s been really nice to see you guys get to hang out with Blake again. You enjoyed that, right?”

The kids all nod simultaneously, still quiet, still waiting.

“Well, I really enjoyed it too, and so did he. And I know you had been wondering if you might be able to see him again, and I can tell you that is definitely going to happen… soon.”

“Yay!” Apollo cheers, standing up with his little fists in the air. Zuma and King look happy, too.

Gwen can’t help but smile. “I can’t tell you when yet, but I thought you might like to know… you’re going to get to see Blake again.”

That’s all she can tell them for now. She doesn’t want to rush them into a new situation — or, really, an old situation — too fast.

She tells the boys that’s it, they can go off and play, but Kingston hangs back when his brothers are gone.

“Yeah, babe?”

“I wanted to tell you that… well, I saw the news about you and Robert… and Blake,” he admits, looking nervous.

Gwen’s face falls. “I’m sorry you had to see that before I got to talk to you,” she says. “But you know not to believe everything you read right? Those kinds of sites, even if some of what they say is the truth, they add to it and lie, and… well, I’m just so sorry that you saw that.”

She wants to cry — not just realizing that King is old enough to see online gossip about his mom, but realizing he is now old enough to where he can easily go back and read everything that’s ever been reported about her, his dad, Blake. True or not true — a lot of it is painful and damaging either way.

“If you ever read anything about me, or your dad, or anyone else, and you have a question if it’s true, please, please come and talk to me,” she says. “But I really have to ask you to try and not read it, you know?”

“I don’t want to read it,” King says, shaking his head. “It was an accident. I just… I had to tell you, and… I wanted to tell you that it really made me happy, thinking Blake might be coming back. So I’m glad at least some of it is true.”

She hugs him to her. “You and your brothers are the best thing I ever did,” she tells him, kissing him on the head.

Gwen feels a little lighter now that things are out in the open with the kids. All that really matters, she knows, is her family, and Blake, and all of their love for each other.

If she can just focus on that, maybe she’ll be okay.

* * *

Blake has to hand it to Brandon; it was kind of genius to give PEOPLE that quote about him and Gwen continuing to be friends. Maybe no one will buy it, but it’s something they can try to fall back on if they happen to be spotted together sometime in the near future.

He knows he's had it relatively easy hiding out in Oklahoma, where no paparazzi bother to venture. Besides some blurry cellphone pictures a few people have taken of him doing the exciting task of grocery shopping, he’s been able to fly under the radar.

Gwen has obviously not had it as good, encountering photographers just about everywhere — she says it’s even worse than what she and the kids were already accustomed to.

And when she’s not dodging paparazzi, she’s dodging personal questions. Today is her Rolling Stone interview, and she’s promised to call him and tell him how it went as soon as she gets home.

“They were asked not to bring up the rumors about you, but we’ll see if they cooperate with that,” she tells him before leaving for the interview. “Wish me luck.”

Blake is about to head outside to get some planting work done when he sees that Brandon is calling him.

“Hey man, what’s up?"

"Bad news — Pete broke his wrist last night," Brandon says. "It’s going to be in a cast for at least six weeks." 

"What the hell was he doing?" Blake asks, knowing he sounds insensitive. Losing one of his guitarists right before his tour starts is less than ideal. 

"Playing basketball. He was going for a shot, collided with some other guy, went to the ground and used his hand to break his fall,” Brandon says. “And that _broke_ his fall — literally." 

"That sucks, man. Okay, so we just get someone to take his place." 

No big deal; Blake knows tons of guitarists. 

"I actually have someone in mind — we know her from The Voice," Brandon says. "Veronica Clark?"

Blake pauses. "Oh...well... I don't know if that's a great idea."

"She's awesome, and we already know her work ethic and how quickly she can learn the music,” Brandon says. “I talked with her before the show ended about letting her know if an opportunity came up. She’s first on my list to call. Why don’t you think it’s a good idea?"

Blake can hardly say it's because the girl had a crush on him and he had to turn her down and he’s worried it might be awkward.

But come to think of it, they hadn’t had any problems on set at The Voice after their failed “date” — she’d been completely professional and nice, never mentioning what happened, holding no grudge about his rejection.

So it would be kind of shitty of him to deny her this huge opportunity just because of something that turned out to be so non-consequential, so trivial. It wasn’t her fault. 

Blake sighs. "You’re right, I'm sure it will be fine. She really is talented. You can bring her in." 

"One other thing... I've got a favor to ask of you," Brandon says. "Kelly is doing a charity show in L.A. next week, and we thought it would be cool if you could drop in as a surprise guest and do a couple of songs. I know it’s your time off right now, but I thought I’d run it by you and see if you were interested anyway.”

Blake only takes a second to think about it. An excuse to be in L.A. is an excuse to find a way to see Gwen, even if they’re still living in secrecy.

“Yeah, sure thing,” he says. "Just tell me how many songs I gotta do.”

Brandon chuckles in surprise. "Well that was easy," he marvels. "Thanks, man. See you soon." 

It’s a few hours later when Gwen gives him a call, finally finished with her Rolling Stone interview. She is calm, even cheerful.

“All we talked about was my career,” she says, sounding almost surprised. “Imagine that, huh? Even Robert’s name never came up. They stayed away from the personal stuff in general, and we talked about No Doubt and then just more about how my solo albums have evolved and how the new one compares. It felt so good just to talk about music, you know?”

Blake can only imagine how relieved she must feel. If only all her upcoming media obligations could go that way.

They chat for a few more minutes about the interview and the photo shoot, and then Blake works the conversation around to his upcoming west coast trip.

“When can we see each other while I’m out there?” he asks.

He’s a little taken aback when Gwen is quiet at first.

“Gwen?”

“Yeah, I’m here. I was just trying to think of whether we can make that work just yet. Everyone is really concerned about how this gossip is going to affect my album launch.”

Blake is highly disappointed at the reservation he hears in her voice. He knows by “everyone” she means her management and record company. It’s completely understandable.

But he misses her like crazy and will do anything to be with her. Doesn’t she feel the same way? How are they going to move forward with their relationship if they can’t even _see_ each other?

“Are the photographers really still that bad?” he asks, shaking his head.

“They’re still lurking around my neighborhood a lot, like vultures,” Gwen says. “Maybe I’m paranoid, but it really feels like they’re just waiting to catch you driving to my house or something.”

“Then we can meet somewhere else,” Blake says. “Anywhere else.”

“Yeah…” Gwen trails off. “I guess we can figure something out.”

She doesn’t sound confident in her own statement, though.

Blake can hear Apollo yelling at one of his brothers in the background, and Gwen sighs heavily.

“I’d better go check on him,” she says, sounding apologetic. “We’ll talk soon, okay?”

After hanging up, Blake puts his phone face down on the coffee table, staring at it with frustration, as if the phone is what’s causing his problems.

He knows he kind of sprung this trip on her by surprise, and maybe he should have known she wasn’t ready.

He’s really not sure, actually, what reaction he was expecting from her.

But he was hoping for more than that.

* * *

Blake lands in L.A. the morning of the charity show, ensuring he has enough time to go out and rehearse through the songs he’s going to do at the venue.

He’s reserved a hotel suite for two nights, allowing him one full free day in L.A. tomorrow, just in case he finds a way to use it.

“Just in case,” because he and Gwen still haven’t worked out a plan of what they’re going to do. She’s sending the kids to Gavin later that day, but she doesn’t want to risk being seen at the concert.

“I know I’m friends with Kelly, but the minute you show up on stage, everyone’s going to know that’s why I’m really there,” she had said.

She’s also still wary of him coming anywhere near her house, and when he asked if she could come visit him at his hotel, she hemmed and hawed and obviously wasn’t particularly comfortable with that idea, either.

He’s at a loss for what else to suggest. It hurts him to think she might be using the paparazzi and increased media attention as a convenient excuse to keep him away.

Has the time away from him changed her mind?

She did ask him for patience. He had promised to give it to her.

“You have all my time,” he had said.

He has to make good on that now, even when it hurts to hear her list every reason under the sun why it’s too risky for her to see him.

Rationally, he knows she has legitimate concerns. If they’re seen together, it will confirm all the “cheating harlot” type stories the gossip rags have been running the past two weeks, and that in turn could make life even tougher for her and the boys. Could adversely affect her album sales.

She’s worked too long and too hard on that album to have it blow up in her face at the last minute because of a personal life drama.

He hopes that’s really all there is to the practical reasons she has for keeping him at a distance. The alternative would be that she’s falling back into her old habits of hiding how she’s really feeling, holding him off because she’s still scared to be with him again.

Blake texts Gwen to let her know that he’s in the city, then heads to do his sound check at the stadium where the concert is being held.

As one of a few different special guests for Kelly’s show, he’s only performing three songs. That means he’ll be done by 9 p.m. and can head back to the hotel soon thereafter if he chooses.

Back to an empty hotel room, just like before. With almost an entire evening that he’ll probably be spending alone.

* * *

Gwen sits in her living room, in her empty house, staring at her phone.

She knows from following along with social media that Blake got done with his surprise appearance at Kelly’s concert about an hour ago.

She’d felt tension growing in her chest when she knew the show was starting, wishing more than anything that she could be there. Since she couldn’t, she instead had obsessively stalked his performance online to see how it was going.

From clips she saw on Twitter, people went wild when they realized he was walking out on stage, screaming through half of his first song so loud she could barely hear him.

It would have been amazing to be there and see that in person. Regret fills her heart that she was too scared to even try.

For the last thirty minutes, she’s been lying on the sofa, alternating between looking for any other video clips of him that she can find online, and staring up at the ceiling, watching the fan going around and around — just like her mind. Thinking, thinking, thinking.

This is so, so stupid. She hates it.

He’s just a few miles away from her. The person that she loves — so understanding and so considerate and so amazing.

She wasn’t oblivious to the hurt bared in his voice when they talked earlier today — the way his tone lowered when she said she still didn’t know how they could see each other while he’s in L.A.

It reminded her of the hurt she’s heard in his voice several times in the past few months, every time she said something that masked how she really felt for him. 

She thinks of how hard it must have been for him to see her for the first time on the set of The Voice, knowing she had committed herself to marry someone else. 

He poured his heart out to her multiple times, and she kept turning him away, making him wait.

She thinks of all the time they could have been spending together, helping each other, fixing what was broken.

Why is she letting fear of everyone else, of their attention, their judgment, dictate how she lives her life?

There’s no reason for her to be here alone and for him to be at his hotel alone, not when their time is so valuable — time she has wasted for too long. 

Maybe it’s a huge risk. Maybe her manager is going to kill her if this backfires.

But with a sense of urgency filling her, Gwen makes the impulsive decision to go for what she wants. To go and surprise Blake — right now.

Before she can talk herself out of it, Gwen runs to her bedroom and packs a quick overnight bag, then grabs her keys and heads out to her car.

She keeps watch for any vehicles that might be following her, but part of her thinks maybe it would be easier if they just went ahead and got caught, had their relationship exposed to the world for real.

Maybe then she could stop worrying so much about it happening and what the repercussions would be, and just deal with whatever came.

He’s staying at the same hotel he stayed in during his recent time on The Voice, which heightens her feelings of regret as she pulls up to the valet parking area. If she hadn’t told him not to come to L.A. when the TMZ story first broke, he might already have his own place to live here instead of having to return to this hotel, what he had once called a “depressing” place. She hopes she can make it up to him now.

With a baseball cap pulled down low on her head, Gwen turns in her keys to the valet and then makes her way up to Blake's suite, pausing at the door to knock lightly. Her heartbeat increases its speed when she hears his footsteps making their approach.

The door opens and Blake is there, clad in pajama pants and a T-shirt, his hair still damp from a recent shower. His face lights up when he sees her, his mouth falling open.

“What the hell?” he asks happily, pulling her into the room, squeezing her tightly, picking her up off the ground. His skin is soft, and he smells like Ivory soap. She breathes in the scent of him before standing on her toes to give him a kiss, her arms wrapped around his neck.

She realizes her hands are trembling from adrenaline. Sneaking around is kind of fun.

“I didn’t wake you, did I?” she asks, thinking that he’s probably still on Oklahoma time, which would mean his body feels like it’s midnight.

“Nah, I wasn’t asleep yet.” He smiles down at her, beaming, shaking his head. “Man, I can’t believe you’re here.”

There’s a tinge of relief in his voice.

Gwen looks around the room, seeing his jeans and button-down shirt, the clothes he wore at the concert, strewn on the floor where he took them off. A pang of yearning fills her chest.

“I was just thinking… I was wondering if I could spend the night with you? Have a sleepover?” Biting her lip to quell her smile, she holds up her little overnight bag that carries something to sleep in, a change of clothes for tomorrow, some makeup, and a toothbrush.

Blake briefly looks up at the ceiling and then back at her, grinning. She wants to kiss his dimples.

“God, I was hoping you’d say that.”

She excuses herself to go to the bathroom and change into her own nightclothes, a camisole and lilac-colored pair of silk pajama shorts. When she comes back to the bedroom, Blake is standing up by the bed, looking down at his phone. She hugs him from behind, wrapping her arms around his waist. Turning around to face her, he drops his phone on the floor and takes her cheeks in his hands, kissing her forehead.

“You know I don’t expect anything to happen,” he whispers, looking down at her. “I just wanted to be with you.”

Kissing him softly, she releases him and walks around to the other side of the bed, where they both slide under the covers. She rolls over onto her side and faces him, closing her eyes as he reaches out and brushes some of her hair behind her ear, leaving his hand on her face so that he can stroke her cheek with his thumb.

A wave of emotion washes over her as she remembers that she once thought she’d never, ever be like this with him again.

She’d have dreams that she was sleeping next to him, dreams that he was holding her, and then she’d wake up and be alone, feeling hollow because he was gone — forever, she thought.

Against all odds, something had brought him back to her, had brought her back to him.

She moves even closer to him, forgetting her reservations as she tentatively brushes her lips against his.

She's thought about it a lot lately, and dreamed about it, too — what it would be like to be with him again, to make love to him, to feel him touching her everywhere.

From the moment she decided to forge something new with him, she’d planned to be strong, to continue their discussions about all the responsible, sensible things she knows they need to discuss.

She planned to be patient, be wise, to stave off the consummation of physical desire a little longer until they were in a more stable place in other areas of their newly resuscitated relationship. 

But all her sound reasoning seems silly now, seems like just more excuses for her to keep him at arm’s length emotionally — and she doesn’t want to do it anymore.

She misses him, and she wants him, and the weight of a diamond is finally gone from her finger.

Pressing her mouth to his again, she slips her hand under the hem of his T-shirt, sliding it up along his skin until she reaches his chest. She rests her palm above his heart, which is beginning to beat a little faster.

“Wh-what are you doing?” he murmurs against her lips.

“I just… I need you,” she says, looking at him with what she hopes isn’t as desperate of an expression as she fears it might be. “I want to be with you. It’s been so long.”

He rubs her back, staring into her eyes.

“You sure you’re ready for this?” he asks, his voice tender. “Because it seems like there’s a lot going on in your head lately. Maybe some doubt? I don’t want you to regret it.”

She shakes her head quickly, leaning in to kiss his cheek and his chin and then his lips. “I don’t doubt how I feel about you. And I will never, _ever_ regret you.”

She kisses him more deeply, pulling up the bottom of his shirt to help him take it off. She throws the shirt on the floor, kissing his chest as she gets started on taking off his pants.

He laughs lightly. “Hey there. Slow down, pretty girl, we’ve got all night.”

Gwen shakes her head, kissing him again, an electric current flowing between their mouths. “I want to show you how much I missed you.”

They finish undressing each other, and Gwen gives in to his desire to slow things down just a bit. To savor each touch, each caress, his hands feeling like silk against her skin.

He rolls over on top of her and she accepts the weight of his body, shifting to fit him between her legs. 

“God, I love you,” he says, his voice full of gravel. He cradles her face, his pensive eyes burning into hers. 

"Promise me you won't run from me ever again," he whispers. "Please promise me." 

Gwen nods her agreement, arching up, ready to capture his mouth with hers.

“I promise.”

* * *

Blake presses his body against Gwen’s, relishing the feel of his skin flush against hers. He brings his hand up to her face, and she turns her head so she can kiss the tattoo on his forearm.

“I’ve never really asked you yet, how you felt,” Gwen whispers after some time laying together quietly. “I was so wrapped up in trying to make you understand how I felt… I never asked how it was for you — what you were thinking after I made you move out, and how you handled it when I started seeing somebody else. I understand if you were mad at me.”

Blake shakes his head, looking past her through the darkness of the room. “I was confused. I was hurt. I was sad. But I was never mad at you.”

Gwen takes his hand in hers and interlaces their fingers together. “How do you feel now?”

Blake moves down so that he can bury his head in her neck, not wanting anything negative to ruin this moment between them, not wanting to come down from this high after being intimate together for the first time in forever. “I feel like the luckiest man alive.”

Gwen shakes her head, not letting him get away with that deflective answer. “I’m serious… You would have a right to have some trust issues with me after how I handled everything. And now I’m putting you through even more, I know.”

Blake doesn’t move from his position, but he hopes she can hear the conviction in his voice even if she can’t see it in his face.

“I believe you when you say that you love me,” he says. “I told you before, I believe in us. I know what we have. We’re building our trust and our foundation back, together. That’s all that matters to me.”

They lay quietly for a moment, Gwen’s hand combing through his hair.

“I wish I had come to see you play tonight,” she confesses. “I should have gone, and I’m sorry I didn’t. I don’t want to let this whole situation dictate how and when I see you. We can’t live like that.”

Blake nods his agreement. He tells her that he understands why she was being so cautious.

“I really do want to have you come visit the boys soon, though,” she says softly. “They can’t wait to see you. I hate how much more intense the attention is here, but maybe we can figure out a way to sneak you over. Maybe Todd could come and get you.”

Blake thinks about the upcoming weeks, the chances they’ll have for any quality time. It won’t be much, at first. He does have two shows in California on his tour, one in San Diego and then one in San Jose two days later.

That seems like the best chance to steal away some time for this monumental step, slowly reinserting himself into the kids’ lives in a meaningful way.

“Why don’t you come to my show in San Diego and then we’ll go back to your house the next day and spend the day with them?” he asks. “I have a little time off in between concerts.”

Gwen doesn’t answer him at first. “I do want to come to your show,” she says, though her voice still carries with it some slight hesitation. 

Blake hugs her to him. “It’s two weeks away,” he says. “We can wait and see how things are by then and make that decision when the time comes. Maybe things will be better by then.”

Wanting to lighten the mood a little bit, Blake puts his mouth to her neck again and licks her, right in a sensitive spot he knows so well.

“Hey!” she shrieks, laughing. “That tickles.”

“Oh, does it now?” He presses in and kisses her there instead. She always liked it when he did that… a lot.

“Is this better?” he asks, his voice lower, kissing her there again and again.

“Mmm,” she replies leaning in to him, tilting her head back to offer him more skin.

He puts his hand on her cheek and turns her face to him, giving him better access to her lips, to her tongue.

He doesn’t want to talk anymore. They can do plenty of that later. 


	14. Chapter 14

_Nashville_

Blake is flustered and running late when he arrives for rehearsals on a Monday afternoon. It’s one of his last practices with the band before the first date on their tour, and there are several kinks he wants to work out before they have that initial show.

He’s late because he woke up late. He woke up late because he stayed up too long the night before talking to Gwen on the phone, like two teenagers who can’t get enough of each other, neither one wanting to hang up first.

It’s only been a few days since he last saw her, and that’s already a few days too many.

As he enters the rehearsal space, feeling guilty about his tardiness, the first person he sees is his new guitarist — Veronica.

He hasn’t actually had any interaction with her since Brandon suggested hiring her. Someone else met with her, told her that Blake had given the green light, and she’d started practicing with the rest of the band, learning the songs. She should be pretty much up to speed on the show by now, and he hopes they can just be professional and have an easy working relationship for the duration of the tour.

Her face lights up when she sees him, and she comes running over to greet him.

“Blake,” she says, clasping her hands in front of her, as if ready to say a thankful prayer. “I just wanted to tell you how grateful I am that you agreed to bring me on the team. I really, really appreciate the opportunity.”

Blake nods, waving his hand in the air.

“Hey, you deserve it,” he says. “You’re great at what you do, and we’re all glad you could fill in on short notice. It’s a big help.”

“I promise you won’t regret it,” she smiles.

Blake nods sheepishly and looks around behind her toward where the band is getting set up.

“Sorry I’m late,” he calls to them, walking over. “Is practice over? Y’all don’t need me, do you? I can probably just go home?”

They all laugh, and he offers a more sincere apology. “Won’t happen again.”

They’ll kick the tour off here in Nashville in a few days, then jet over to the west coast for shows in Washington, Oregon, and his two California dates.

He and Gwen still haven’t decided whether she’s going to come to San Diego to see him, whether he’s going to finally get to visit the kids the day after that in Los Angeles.

It’s all so tenuous.

Gwen admitted to him last night that the closer her album release gets — a month away — the more her management team is putting pressure on her to keep things between them quiet. They think the old adage, "any press is good press," is wrong — bad press can simply be bad press, and they’re nervous about this whole scandal blowing up in a negative way if she gives it any legs.

It's been several years since she last released an album, and her management team feels this could be her final chance at making a comeback, to make any noise in the music world. 

“I wish I could just get this all over with so we could be normal and move on,” she had said. “But I guess it’s not that far away. It just feels like forever.”

To Blake it sounded like she was leaning toward putting off their next visit, but he feels weirdly at peace about it now.

She spent the whole night with him in his hotel in L.A., and then they’d spent the whole day in there, too. Just watching TV, or making out, or ordering room service and talking.

Something as simple as that, just hanging out together for one day, renewed his complete confidence in their future going forward. 

No matter what else comes their way. 

* * *

_Los Angeles_

Before Blake even steps foot on stage at his first show in Nashville, Gwen decides she’s going to go to his concert in San Diego.

If she waits until her album is out and promotion has settled down to go see him play, his tour will be over, and it will be too late.

She can’t wait to talk to him when his first show is over tonight and tell him that she’s going to come. Every time she finds the courage to take another step, to go out of her comfort zone and risk something for him and with him, she feels herself getting stronger, their relationship growing.

Once his show has started, she still can’t find any live streams, so, just like last time, she waits a little while and then searches for some video clips that might be posted by fans to social media.

Finally, she finds an account that has some song clips uploaded, and it’s from someone with a pretty good spot in the audience, second row, center stage.

Blake sounds so good, looks so good. She’s busy lusting for him as she watches when a flash of red hair in the background catches her eye.

She replays the clip and looks more closely.

A cold chill runs through her when she realizes she’s seeing Veronica, the guitarist from The Voice who Blake maybe, probably slept with.

The girl is playing guitar and singing some too, smiling and looking at Blake with the same open admiration she always did on set of The Voice. That look that made Gwen feel jealousy rise inside long before she could even find the strength to admit to herself that she was still in love with him.

He’d admitted he’d been with other women while they were broken up, and she can only assume what happened between him and Veronica when they went out together.

How could he not mention that this girl was working on his tour now?

She knows nothing serious came of the dalliance, but even so... it just seems like something he would tell her — “Hey, by the way, this girl I had a fling with will be around me constantly for the next two months, but, you know, don’t worry.” Something like that. 

Within thirty minutes of the show ending, Blake is calling her. 

"Hi," she greets him, feeling conflicted about what to say.

"Just got done playing — it went great," he says, sounding exuberant. 

"Congratulations," she replies softly. "That's awesome." 

Blake chatters on about the crowd, the venue, something funny that someone in the front row did, and Gwen listens quietly, images of Veronica floating in her head all the while. 

She promised him she would be open with him, and she promised him she wouldn't run. So as much as it makes her nervous to bring this up with him — as embarrassed as she is for even feeling a shred of jealousy or insecurity about this girl — she knows she has to do it. 

"I did see some of the show, from some people’s stories on Instagram," she tells him. 

"Oh yeah? What did you think?" 

"You were great as always," she says. She stops short of continuing, but she knows the tone in her voice makes it evident she isn’t done articulating her thoughts.

There is a moment of quiet.

"Is something wrong?"

Gwen takes a deep breath and decides to just spit it out. "I saw that, um, Veronica is in your band now," she says, unable to hide a quirk in her voice, the end of her statement unnaturally high pitched. "That's new, isn't it?"

"Oh shit, I forgot to tell you that, didn't I?" Blake asks, sounding genuinely regretful. "Damn, I just never thought about it when we were together. Brandon wanted to bring her in as a replacement for one of my guys that broke his wrist. It all happened really fast and really recently.”

Gwen nods silently to herself, knowing that rationally this makes sense. Brandon knew Veronica from the show, was probably impressed by her, and she was likely readily available to take the job when needed.

But Gwen feels unsettled about it and doesn’t know if she should or not.

When she doesn’t immediately say anything in response, Blake clears his throat. “Are you okay?”

Gwen sighs. "I just… I know it wasn’t anything serious you had with her, but I have to admit, I was really jealous seeing her with you back when we were on The Voice… and the thought of her being on stage with you every night kind of makes me feel that way again.”

Even as she says the words out loud, Gwen knows it’s ridiculous. Blake wouldn’t let anything happen to jeopardize their relationship. 

"Gwen, there wasn’t anything to be jealous of — nothing happened with her," he says. “I mean, _nothing_. We played pool once and then went home, separately. Because I wanted you and only you.”

Gwen lets out a breath, a slight wave of dizziness hitting her. She realizes it’s relief.

She wouldn’t have held it against him if he had slept with Veronica, but she is _absolutely ecstatic_ that he didn’t.

“Wow, I didn’t realize… I thought there was something, but there wasn’t? Nothing?” Gwen smiles to herself.

Blake pauses. “Well… I mean, she did kind of try to kiss me, I guess. And she wanted something to happen. But I told her no, and that was the end of it. She was perfectly professional afterward, and it’s cool. She got the message.”

Gwen frowns. It’s just not a good feeling to envision this scenario of a beautiful girl — one who had been attracted enough to Blake to come on to him — playing in his band every night.

“Gwen?”

“Yeah, I’m here,” she says. “Look, I told you I would be honest with you about how I feel, so I’ll just admit that I’m a little bothered by it. But I do trust you… I swear.”

Blake sighs. “I didn’t even think about what you might feel about this, honestly, because it was so… there was absolutely nothing there. I only saw her as a friend, and the only reason I even went to a bar with her one time was because I was upset about you and Robert. It was crappy of me, and that’s another reason why I kind of felt guilty and agreed to let her join the band. It’s only for this tour while Pete is out. It’s not permanent.”

Gwen’s stomach settles a little at his words. She really does trust him, and she knows he’s telling the truth. She just hopes Veronica really accepted his rejection and doesn’t try anything again.

Or she might have to kick her ass.

“Okay, well changing topic, sort of. I was going to tell you — before I saw Veronica in the band, so this has nothing to do with that — that I want to come see you in San Diego,” Gwen says. “I really think it will be okay as long as I sneak in and out and stay out of view during the show. Don’t you?”

“I mean, yeah, whatever you’re comfortable with,” Blake says, sounding thrilled. “I definitely want you to be there.”

“Okay,” Gwen says, smiling at the sound of excitement in his voice. It makes her happy to make him happy. “I’ll be there, then. And if that goes okay, maybe you can come to the house the next day and see the boys.”

She knows not to get her hopes too high that everything will turn out as perfectly as she would like to imagine.

But it feels good to picture what could happen if things could just work in their favor, for once.

* * *

_San Diego_

She was stupid to think it would be fine.

She should have known there were spies, leeches, and people looking to make a quick buck lurking everywhere.

It’s been literally a half-hour since she was whisked to Blake’s dressing room, as undercover as she knew how to be, and the news is already online.

Someone has sold them out.

> **Gwen Stefani seen in San Diego ahead of Blake Shelton concert**
> 
> With rumors that just won’t quit swirling around them, Gwen Stefani seemed to lend credence on Wednesday to reports that she and ex Blake Shelton are hooking up again when she was sighted being driven to Pechanga Arena in San Diego earlier today.
> 
> Shelton has a concert at that very same venue tonight, and sources told TMZ that Stefani arrived about an hour prior to showtime.
> 
> Stefani ended her months-long engagement to record executive Robert Farrah after working with Shelton on The Voice revival starting this past spring.
> 
> Despite Stefani and Shelton’s denials, her presence at his concert tonight seems to signal that a romantic reconciliation is in the works for the country star and pop singer.

And only minutes after getting notification of the TMZ story, Gwen looks down at her phone and sees that Irving, her top manager, is calling. If someone of his stature is calling, she knows she’s really in trouble.

“Hi,” she answers the call timidly.

“What is this about you being in San Diego with Blake Shelton?” he asks. “What is going on?”

Gwen feels like a little girl being chastised by her dad. She knows she deserves it. With Hollywood on “Blake and Gwen watch,” coming to his show was reckless and cavalier, almost like they were trying to get caught.

“I know it was a risk, but we had a very tight plan, we were being very careful. I don’t know who leaked that I was here.”

“Dammit, Gwen,” he sighs. “This is a time when you should be treading lightly. We’ve got three weeks to go. Can you wait three weeks?”

“I…”

“Where are you right now? At the arena?”

“I’m in his dressing room. I’m just going to stay here for the rest of the night and watch the show on the TV they have in here.”

“And then how are you going to sneak out without anyone seeing you?”

“We’ll have to leave separately,” she says, her mind trying frantically to spin a plan as she absorbs the obvious anger from her manager. “We can just have someone tell the media that I was here as a friend, right?”

“No one’s going to buy that, Gwen,” Irving says, sounding extremely frustrated. “This is a rookie mistake. I just don’t know what to tell you. This does not help us, but it’s your life.”

The call ends on a frosty note, and Gwen has to sit down and take deep breaths. Blake is already gone to the stage, preparing to start his show, and now she knows there’s no way she can risk sitting on the sidelines and watching him in person.

“TMZ is on to us again,” she texts him. “I can’t come watch from the stage. I’m so sorry.”

She’s not sure if he’ll have a chance to respond, but he texts back in just a few seconds.

“Shit. Those bastards.”

One of the production assistants comes in and throws her a sympathetic glance. Gwen focuses on the television screen as Blake begins to play.

It beats grainy clips on Twitter, but this is not what she came here for.

* * *

Blake comes to her immediately following the show, his eyebrows raising in alarm when he sees the look on her face.

“I’m sorry,” Gwen whispers as he pulls her into a hug. “This was a bad idea, I guess.”

Blake shakes his head. “It’s not so bad, is it?”

Gwen nods. “Irving called me. He sounded so disappointed in me. One of the security guards came in a few minutes ago and told me there are photographers gathered at most of the exits, hoping to see me here.”

Gwen tears up, feeling bad for putting her manager in such a tizzy. She hates feeling like she’s let him down. “I came all the way here to see you, and I couldn’t even watch you on stage. This was such a failure of a trip.”

Blake tips up her head to wipe away her tears with his thumbs. He leans down and kisses her softly.

“Blake?”

Gwen and Blake’s heads swivel to the door, where Veronica Clark is standing, having just barged in without knocking. Gwen quickly turns her back to Veronica, wiping her face with her hands.

“Oh, I’m so sorry,” Veronica says, her eyes large. She backs away and begins to shut the door.

“Wait a second,” Blake calls to her. She sticks her head back in through the gap, and he motions for her to come in and talk to them.

“Please don’t tell anyone what you just saw,” Blake says, his voice a mixture of worry and awkwardness. “Please.”

Veronica shakes her head fervently. “Of course not. I saw the buzz online about you guys. Are you still trying to hide it?”

Gwen winces at the word “hide." Its connotation is so negative and insinuates something is wrong with what she’s “hiding.”

She looks over at Blake to see his reaction, but he seems more understanding as to what Veronica means.

“Yeah,” he admits. “We probably just screwed ourselves, though. Everyone knows she’s here and there’s no way she’s getting out of here without a million photos being taken. Now her manager is pissed at us.”

Gwen is surprised that he is confiding so easily in this woman, but she tries to quell down the insecurity she struggled with in the past. She remembers what Blake said — he had never touched Veronica, because he was too in love with Gwen.

She doesn’t know why he’s so keen to trust Veronica with their secret, but she knows she has no reason to be jealous about it. 

“Knock, knock,” Brandon says, as he too enters the dressing room without receiving clearance to do so. They have zero privacy here.

“What would get them to leave y’all alone?” Veronica asks.

“Who, the paparazzi?” Brandon asks, sounding bitter. “An act of Congress is my guess.”

“Or if Blake got married or something,” Gwen jokes under her breath. Blake laughs nervously.

When she sees Brandon’s eyebrows raise with interest, she immediately regrets saying anything at all.

“Well… what if he was just seen with another girl?” Brandon asks. “Just something simple enough to make them think he’s not with you while you’re here. Throw them off the scent.”

“Ah, well, sadly I don’t have any fake girlfriends hanging around,” Blake jokes, clearly not taking that suggestion seriously.

There is an awkward pause between the four of them before Veronica shrugs her shoulders.

“I’ll do it,” she says.

Instinctively, Gwen recoils inside. How can she fully trust that this girl is offering to help them out of the goodness of her heart?

“Um, I really don’t think that’s necessary,” Gwen says. This whole thing is getting out of hand.

Brandon is no help, though.

“It really wouldn’t be too difficult to pull off,” he says. “What we could do is, Blake and Veronica could leave right in front of the paps and go right down the street. There’s a little cigar lounge there. Meanwhile Gwen can go ahead to the hotel a different way.”

Gwen puts her hands on her face, unable to grasp what Brandon is suggesting.

“Do you really want Blake in the news for allegedly dating a band member?” Gwen asks, looking at Brandon in disbelief. What kind of management direction is this?

“Better than people thinking he broke up an engagement,” Brandon says sardonically, shrugging.

Heat rises to Gwen’s cheeks, and she feels like she's just been slapped in the face.

So this is how Brandon feels too, then. Everyone thinks their relationship being exposed is bad for business.

“I don’t know why you’d be willing to do this, Veronica,” Blake cautions. “Nothing good will come from it for you. Your face will be all over the Internet and everyone will be talking about you. Trust me, that will suck.”

Gwen nods. At least Blake is still making sense, because nothing else is.

“Veronica, if you do this for us, I’ll make sure when Blake’s tour is over and this whole thing is out of the headlines that you can get a job with any of my other clients,” Brandon says. “Kelly probably needs another guitarist this fall — I’d hook that up for you.”

Veronica shrugs, looking at Blake. “I’m a nobody,” she says. “People will probably forget about this in a week. But it will at least take the heat off of you and Gwen for a little longer. Don’t you think?”

Gwen’s head is spinning, and she feels like throwing up. She has way too many different viewpoints from different people floating through her mind — Irving’s, Blake’s, Veronica’s, Brandon’s, her own.

“I just can’t ask Blake to do that for me,” Gwen says to Veronica. “Or you.”

“Wait a minute,” Blake says, putting his hand on her shoulder. “This isn’t about me not wanting to do this for you — if you want me to do it, I’ll do it. If it will make things better with your manager. I’ll do whatever you want me to do. I don’t care what they say about me, just how it affects you.”

Gwen shakes her head, feeling so resistant to this idea, even if she knows it would probably get them out of their current jam.

“It’s just a decoy, and I really think it will help y’all out,” Veronica says. “And Brandon… I’d _love_ to play for Kelly. That would be amazing.”

Gwen and Blake look at each other. The thought of seeing pictures of him and Veronica together, of people speculating about them dating, makes Gwen feel ill. But Blake seems to be relenting.

“It would all be over within an hour,” he concedes. “And it can help take the attention away from you for a little bit.”

He looks at Brandon and Veronica. “We would _have_ to tell the rest of the band that it’s manufactured, though. I can’t have them all thinking I’m dating someone in my crew.”

Gwen sighs heavily, sick to her stomach. She’s not going to be the one to give this the green light.

“You seem like you think it’s a good idea,” she says to Blake. She wishes Veronica and Brandon weren’t standing right here as they discuss this crazy plan.

Blake moves in closer, speaking low enough that she knows his words are only meant for her to hear.

“Do you want me to do this or not? If you say no, we won’t do it. We’ll figure something else out.”

Gwen shakes her head, unsure of what to say. She thinks back to Irving’s disapproving tone, his disappointment with her.

Three weeks, Irving had said. If they can just keep this under wraps for three more weeks, she’ll be home free.

“I mean… maybe…” she trails off, hating herself as she says it.

Brandon points toward the door. “Just walk toward the south side entrance together, go out the double doors at the D gate,” he says. “That’s where a few of them are waiting. I’ll take Gwen to another exit on the other side of the building and get her into a car to the hotel.”

Gwen wants to say “No, don’t do this,” but something inside stops her. She doesn't want to sound insecure, and she trusts Blake's opinion that this will all work out. She tells herself that she has to be strong.

“I’ll meet you at the hotel as soon as I can,” Blake says, leaning down, kissing her in front of Veronica and Brandon. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she murmurs, wondering how they got to this stupid place.

Blake and Veronica head toward the door, and Gwen watches them go, unable to shake a feeling of perceptible dread.

* * *

Blake looks at Veronica as they walk down the corridor toward the exit. He’s still baffled as to why she would be willing to put up with the scrutiny this will bring, even if only temporary. Maybe she wants to get her name out there, even if it’s in this less than ideal manner.

Brandon’s promise of other gigs must be mighty enticing, and he gets it. He was once an artist who wanted nothing more than a big break. She’s being ambitious.

“You ready?” he asks as they approach the doors. She smiles up at him nervously.

“Let’s do it.”

Taking a deep breath, Blake pushes the door open and then slings his arm around Veronica’s shoulders, pulling her close as they walk toward the car Brandon has waiting for them, complete with a driver. Flashes of light burst in their faces, as photographers hovering near the sidewalk descend and begin shouting their questions at him.

“Blake, where’s Gwen?”

“Blake, who’s this girl?”

“Where’s Gwen?!?”

Blake and Veronica keep their heads down, and when they reach the vehicle, he opens the back door for her, helping her in before going around to the other side.

“They’re gonna follow us most likely,” Blake tells the driver. “Take us to the cigar lounge down the street, you know the one?”

The driver puts the car in drive, and sure enough, a car with photographers pulls in behind them.

Once they get to the lounge, Blake instructs the driver to sit and wait for them.

“Hopefully we'll be about 20 minutes, at most,” he says.

He and Veronica get out of the car and go into the lounge, his arm around her again. More pictures are taken, but the photographers don’t try to follow them in.

Veronica releases a heavy breath once they’re safely inside the lounge. “Holy shit, that was intense,” she exclaims. “How do you guys put up with that all the time?”

Blake shakes his head. “You get numb to it, I guess. Until it starts to fuck with your personal life.”

He surreptitiously looks out the window to see if the photographers are hanging around. One of them waits outside by the door, and Blake wonders how long it will take for him to give up and go away.

“I guess we can get a drink while we wait for this dude to scram,” Blake says, sighing.

He was resolute about doing this for Gwen, seeing how upset she was about being reamed out by her manager. Hearing Brandon say that being linked to his band member was better than being linked to Gwen was also an eye opener.

It doesn’t feel like anyone in their professional life really supports them right now.

“I’ll get us two beers,” Veronica offers, heading to the bar.

The lounge is low-lit and sparsely populated. Blake pulls down his baseball hat and picks out a booth in an empty corner, looking down at his phone. Gwen texts him that she made it back to the hotel without incident — no photographers got pictures of her. He sighs in relief for at least that small mercy.

“Waiting out one guy,” he texts her back. “Be there soon.”

Veronica comes back with their beers, and Blake drinks half of his in almost one go.

“Stressed?” Veronica asks, her eyebrows raised.

Blake nods. “I’m not sure if you realize how much I hate this. No offense.”

“None taken.” Veronica takes a long sip of her beer. “So, not to be weird, but I’m kind of relieved.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, when you weren’t interested in me, my self-esteem took a little hit, you know?” she laughs. “But now I realize that it wasn’t because of me, it was because you were still hung up on Gwen. I guess I shoulda known.”

Blake nods, feeling guilty again. “I’m sorry about that.”

“Hey, I get it,” Veronica says. “Sometimes we try to get over someone, and we just can’t, you know? At least you’re getting another chance with her, right?”

Blake nods. They may be knee deep in a miry mess right now, but ultimately all that matters is they’re sticking together through everything.

“I think we’re going to make it work this time,” he says softly.

* * *

Gwen paces around the hotel room, slapping her phone against her hand. It’s been an hour since Blake last texted her that he hoped he would be back soon.

She’d called Irving on her way to the hotel to tell him what Blake was going to do. Irving had been at least a little pacified by this ploy, especially because it didn’t involve Gwen having to do anything.

No — it just puts a target on Blake's back as he throws himself out there for more fake gossip and negative headlines.

“He's really trying to save you on this one,” Irving had commented.

Because he loves me, Gwen thinks. No one has ever loved her the way Blake loves her.

And she wishes now that she had told him not to do it.

Gwen gets changed and ready for bed. Burrowing under the covers, she keeps her phone close to her chest, just waiting to hear Blake walk through the door. Her mind won't stop turning, whirling, thinking about what she wants in life. This current situation is not it. 

She must drift off to sleep, because the next thing she knows, she is being stirred awake by soft kisses pressed against her forehead.

“Hey,” Blake whispers, hovering over her. She sits up quickly, her heart beating faster.

“How did it go? What happened?”

“It was fine. They got some pictures of us leaving together and going to the bar. Eventually they all left, and we followed right after. There’s already a story about it online, saying that you weren’t spotted anywhere but I was with some mystery woman. So… it’s at least enough to make people doubt that we’re together for now, I guess.”

It’s a victory in any estimation — they accomplished what they set out to do.

But Gwen feels like shit, and Blake sounds like he does, too.

“Can you please hold me?” she asks, pulling down the bedspread on the other side of her, patting the sheets. Blake moves around the bed and gets in beside her, wrapping her up from behind. She takes his hand in hers. 

“I was thinking a lot about stuff while I was waiting for you,” Gwen says slowly. “I was thinking about how much more you mean to me than album sales or people’s opinion about me. And I don’t want us to do anything like this again, okay? It means a lot to me that you were willing, but… it’s not us. We’re beyond this. And I know our managers don’t like it, and they think we’re screwing things up for ourselves, but… I just don’t care anymore.”

Blake is quiet, taking in what she’s saying. He presses a kiss to the back of her head.

“What do you want to do, then?” he asks.

“Well… if you’re in agreement with me… I have an interview with The Today Show in two weeks. With Hoda," Gwen says. "If you're okay with it, I’m thinking about admitting to her that we’re giving things another try. I want to be able to speak the truth and stop letting other people's narratives twist our relationship into something it's not.”

She feels Blake tighten his grip around her. “Really?”

“I trust her to make it a comfortable environment — unlike the last girl who interviewed us,” Gwen says. “I know she’ll give me the space and time to explain it as best as I can, and she won’t pass judgment or press too hard. And that will be that. We won’t have to hide anymore. We’ll just see what happens.”

Blake asks what about her manager, what about her album?

“He won’t like it, but it’s ultimately up to us, Blake,” Gwen sighs. “I realized tonight how much I truly hate this, and I don’t want to do it anymore. I just want to be with you like how we want to be. I want to have you at my house with the boys, I want to go to your concerts and sit on the side of the stage and not care who sees me.”

Gwen thinks for a moment about all of the blessings she’s had in her career. She’s experienced greater success than she could ever imagine, in multiple ways.

“I want people to hear the music I made and decide to buy it regardless of what’s going on in my personal life,” she says. “I think at this point in my career I can afford to take that risk.”

Blake tells her that he will support whatever announcement she wants to make. “We’ve been through this before,” he says. “We’ll make it through again.”

Gwen turns over and kisses him then, pressing in with the conviction she feels about her decision.

Blake is still in his clothes from after the concert, and she can smell the musk of the lounge he went to with Veronica.

“So everything went okay with her?” Gwen asks tentatively, unsure if she wants the details. She knows for sure she never wants to see the pictures of them together.

Blake locks eyes with Gwen, rubbing her back. “Yep, it was pretty easy. We drank a beer while we waited to make our escape. We talked about you. She was cool about it, as weird as the whole situation was.”

Gwen refrains from asking anymore questions. She doesn’t even want to hear about his fake date, so she has no idea how he handled her being _engaged_ to someone else.

“I want to get you out of these clothes,” she says, unbuttoning his shirt and then moving her hand down to cup his ass. “Do you need to take a shower?”

“Probably,” Blake replies, kissing her. “Do you need to take a shower?”

“No,” Gwen says coyly. “I don’t _need_ to. But if you want company in there…”

“I _do_ want company,” Blake responds, his hands going to the hem of her camisole, lifting it slowly and pulling it off and over her head. She’s not wearing a bra, and he audibly exhales, kissing each of her breasts.

“I want company very badly.”


	15. Chapter 15

Heat from the bright studio lights beats down on Gwen as she shifts in her seat, perspiration beading at her hairline.

A Today Show producer begins a verbal countdown, signaling the start of the live interview now going out to millions of homes in America. Gwen pastes on a smile and looks hopefully at Hoda Kotb, the interviewer she has selected and to whom she will bare her soul.

Hoda is aware of the line of questioning that Gwen wishes to address and has a rough idea of what Gwen is going to say regarding Blake, but she isn’t sure if Hoda knows just how nervous Gwen is about making this revelation.

“Gwen, your album ‘Ascend’ is coming out next week, and there has been so much buzz about this project,” Hoda says, her warm and friendly voice calming Gwen’s stomach just a bit. “I’ve been a fan of yours for a long time, but I think this is the most excited I have ever been to hear your work because it feels like this is a totally new chapter in your life, and we are seeing you go through a really beautiful metamorphosis right in front of us.”

Gwen nods, brushing some hair back behind her ear. “Yeah, it’s been a lot of change for me over the past couple of years, and it’s been a lot of figuring myself out and what I want from life, and I think I’m finally getting to a place of peace and um, just determination about how I’m going to live each day from here on out.”

Screens behind Gwen and Hoda bring up pictures of Gwen and Blake from their early years together, and Gwen feels her stomach flip when she catches a glimpse of them.

“The major focus of the songs on this album, from what I’ve been told, is your breakup with Blake Shelton, who you know I’m a big fan of as well,” Hoda says. “What can you tell me about how you used your relationship with him as inspiration while writing this album?”

Gwen takes a deep breath. This is it. She hopes she can articulate what she wants to say without sounding like she’s making excuses for herself or being insensitive about the engagement she agreed upon and then discarded.

“I think what people will see with the songs on this album is that when Blake and I broke up, I lost the love of my life,” Gwen says carefully. “There’s a song on there called ‘Magic,’ and I wrote that when we were together, and it was just this blissful time — I had never been more in love in my whole life, and I really knew I had found the man I was going to be with forever.”

She sighs, looking at Hoda, tearing up a little. “But of course, life isn’t perfect, and relationships have their ups and downs, and when we broke up, I had lost the one thing I couldn’t actually live without,” she says. “So a lot of songs came out of that which are on the album, and that does include the current single, ‘Under My Skin.’”

This is the first time Gwen has confirmed that her single is about Blake, and she knows that anyone watching this interview is going to think that’s the big bombshell of this interview, that she’s finally admitting which songs she wrote about Blake. Little do they know what’s coming up next.

“I’ve made a lot of mistakes, and one of the biggest ones was trying to ignore what my heart was telling me all along through this process… that I belonged with Blake,” Gwen says, staring at Hoda because she’s afraid to look anywhere else. Hoda smiles at her encouragingly.

“I regret more than anything that I didn’t listen to my heart, and that I hurt someone else because I was in denial about what I really felt,” Gwen says. “I think anyone who listens to this album will be able to see exactly what I was feeling all along. Unfortunately, it took me a little while to figure out what I wanted and what I needed.”

Hoda nods, glancing down at the sheet of paper in front her with question prompts. “So, everyone knows you and Blake were recently on The Voice together again, and I can only imagine that was difficult to see him after such a tough breakup. As far as we all know, you are now single again, he’s single… and there have been a lot of rumors about the two of you. What is the truth about your friendship with him? What are you willing to tell me about the current status of your relationship?”

Gwen sighs deeply, and she gives Hoda a resigned smile. She thought she might have trouble admitting this once she was on live television, but the words flow out of her as freely as a song she’s sung thousands of times.

“Blake is the love of my life, and we are finding our way back together again,” she says. “He’s one of the most important people in my life.”

Hoda beams at her, clearly not only thrilled with the scoop she’s just been gifted, but happy for two people she’s known for a long time.

“I think we all are just trying to figure ourselves out the best we can, and when we find the person we’re meant to walk with in this life, we need to hold on to them no matter what,” Hoda says, looking at Gwen with understanding.

She turns and smiles at the camera. “There you have it — Gwen Stefani’s life-changing album ‘Ascend’ is out next Friday. Thank you, Gwen.”

The show cuts to commercial, and Gwen is truly surprised that she doesn’t feel nauseous. She feels as light as a feather.

Gwen smiles widely at Hoda. “Thank you so, so much for giving me that opportunity and for being so sweet,” Gwen says, reaching out and gripping her hand.

“Girl, you know I’m rooting for you two,” Hoda smiles. “I think you probably just set the Internet on fire, but I’d bet it’s more of a good response than bad.”

Gwen nods nervously, unwilling to look and see for herself. Blake has texted her already, having watched while out on the road.

“You looked beautiful,” he says in the text. “I love you.”

Gwen presses the phone to her chest, feeling it vibrate as more text messages come in.

Irving had advised her against this move, but he ultimately acknowledged that it was her choice. She’d said thank you and confirmed that she was going through with it no matter what.

Despite the fact that he had tried to tell her that she and Blake just needed to wait until the release of her album to come out as a couple, she knew it would have gone further than that.

After the album release was promotion for additional singles, a tour, music videos, etcetera. It would have been months before he was really comfortable with her exposing her relationship with Blake.

And the fact was, she wanted Blake to be there as she went through all of that, to experience it all _with_ her. She wanted him at her album release party, she wanted him to be able to come to her shows, just like she wanted to go to his.

If they were going to start this new stage of their lives together on the right foot, it had to be with openness, honesty, with no restrictions. They could overcome negative headlines or gossip —what they didn’t need to worry about was actual physical constraints on how and when they could see each other. 

After gathering some courage, Gwen looks down at her phone to see who the new text messages are from. Her mom has sent her a thumbs up and a heart emoji; Jen says she’s proud of her. Other people, friends who know both she and Blake but who didn’t know that they were back together officially — people like Pharrell and Christina — express excitement at the news. A text from Carson reads: “Nothing else makes more sense than the two of you together.”

Buoyed by the swelling show of support, Gwen walks with shaky legs down the hallway to an exit where her driver is waiting for her. Swarms of fans outside, held back by barricades, scream and cheer as she walks past, stopping to sign a few autographs until a security team member urges her to get into the car.

If this immediate response is any indication of what they can expect in general, well... she and Blake might actually be okay.

* * *

Irving sounds almost gobsmacked.

“Maybe it’s because Farrah isn’t really a public figure that people know, or maybe it’s because no one was really invested in your relationship with him,” he says to Gwen over the phone as she’s driven to the airport. “But now that you’ve confirmed you and Shelton are back together, people are flipping out… in a good way.”

Gwen wets her lips with her tongue, her heart doing flips. “What are people saying?”

“So far the most popular tweets or headlines are about how happy people are,” he says, still sounding bemused. “Of course, now everyone figures that photo op with him and the girl from his band was staged, but people are mostly overlooking that bit of deception. We’re seeing a lot of ‘leave them alone and let them be happy’ type sentiments.”

That sounds pretty good to Gwen. Not that there’s any chance in hell that people will “leave them alone,” but as long as people aren’t coming after them with torches and pitchforks… she’ll take it.

The more Irving talks, the happier he sounds. Gwen knows this could have backfired in sensational fashion, but she just didn’t care. And now, it seems like her manager thinks she did the right thing.

“So next week we’ll have you doing the L.A. circuit of talk shows and then you’ll bring Shelton to the release party, right?”

Oh, now all of a sudden Irving wants her to be seen with Blake. She has to laugh. How quickly things turn.

“Yes, he’s definitely coming with me,” Gwen says.

“Great. Looking forward to it. Talk to you soon.”

Gwen hangs up the phone, almost unsure whether to let herself believe the reaction to her news about Blake might be as positive as Irving makes it sound.

After all that handwringing, turmoil, angst about being seen together, gossip sites questioning her character and morals… people are actually happy for them?

Life is crazy.

* * *

Blake approaches the front door of Gwen’s house, his palm sweaty as he clutches a bouquet of pink tulips in his hand.

After all this time, going through stops and starts and uncertainty and secrecy, they’re finally together, out in the open. And he’s finally back here at this house, about to enter the threshold, about to see the kids again in the home where they used to live together. 

The door opens and Gwen is there, practically glowing. It’s been just a few days since her Today Show interview, but the difference that being honest has made is noticeable in her face.

There is a lot to be said for peace of mind, for being sure what you’re doing is the right thing, and for not having to hide.

“My parents and Todd and Jen are already here,” she tells him, standing up on her toes to give him a kiss.

Blake nods nervously, not sure why he feels a little apprehensive. He already knows that he and Gwen have her whole family’s support. They never understood why she’d gotten engaged to Robert in the first place, Gwen had told him.

Blake follows Gwen into the house, taking in the sight of the artwork on the walls, the furniture, the fixtures, all mostly the same from the last time he was here. A wave of some indeterminable feeling washes over him — sadness? Regret? Unbelief?

It’s simply surreal to be here again. Even moreso when Apollo rounds the corner, his little legs carrying him as fast as possible to Blake.

“Blakey!”

Blake picks up Apollo in mid-stride, hugging him as Apollo giggles. “Come see my hamster,” Apollo insists, pointing in the direction of the hallway that leads to his bedroom.

“Let Blake say hi to everyone else first,” Gwen says, laughing as Blake puts Apollo down. With Apollo’s hand in his, Blake walks into the kitchen, seeing everyone’s heads turn toward him in unison.

He almost feels like the key figure in that Biblical story about the prodigal son as everyone takes turns standing up and hugging him, greeting him like a family member who has been missing for too long.

Perhaps that’s exactly what he is.

“Sit down and relax,” Gwen’s mom tells him, shooing him away when he asks if they need any help finishing dinner preparation. “We’re just about ready to eat.”

Blake sits down at the kitchen table, immediately swarmed by King and Zuma, the youngest tugging on Blake’s arm as they fight for his attention, talking simultaneously.

“You two are smothering the poor guy,” Jen says with a laugh, but Blake flips his hand up.

“I don’t mind,” he smiles.

Once the food is ready, everyone takes their place around the table, bowing their heads as Gwen’s father says grace. Gwen holds Blake’s hand under the table, sweeping her thumb over his fingers as they close their eyes to pray.

“We thank you, Lord,” her dad prays, “for guiding us where we need to go, for giving us second chances, and for providing unending love in our lives.”

The mood in the room is celebratory — it just feels right to have Blake there again. Order has been restored in the household, and it’s like the last year and a half was a dream that everyone wanted to wake up from a long time ago.

When the meal is over, King asks Blake to come outside and throw a football around with him. Blake can tell the young boy has something on his mind.

“Be back in twenty minutes for dessert,” Gwen tells them, winking at Blake.

Out in the backyard, Blake and King toss the football in silence for a minute, Blake waiting to see if King will say what he obviously wants to say. Finally, he speaks.

“Are you glad to be back here?” Kingston asks, his voice sounding a little vulnerable, unsure. “Are you and my mom going to stay together this time?”

The tinge of insecurity in King’s voice makes Blake feel like he’s been punched in the gut. He is unsure exactly what to say. He doesn’t want to put any blame on Gwen, but he wants to make it clear that it was _never_ his desire to be away from them.

“I missed you guys every single day that I didn’t see you,” Blake says earnestly. “I love your mom, and I love you guys, and I want to always be in your life.”

King nods. “I know it wasn’t your choice, to go away,” he admits. “My mom told me that. We were all real sad when you left, and it wasn’t the same, with that other guy. We all just missed you and wanted you back.”

Blake drops the football and walks closer to King, giving him a hug.

“I hated being away from you guys,” he says. “The three of you and your mom… you are truly the best thing to ever happen to me. You guys saved me, before. You know?”

Emotion rises in his voice, and he has to choke back the threat of crying. “You saved me.”

* * *

Todd, Jen, and Gwen’s parents leave soon after dessert, everyone exchanging hugs and voicing a wish to get together with Blake again very soon.

Once they’re gone, Blake and Gwen sit with the kids in the living room, watching Monster, Apollo’s hamster, roll around the floor in the hamster wheel car that Blake had given to him.

The kids chatter excitedly about a game they’re obsessed with, jockeying for Blake’s attention with their various questions and attempts to make him laugh.

“When can we go to Oklahoma?” Zuma asks, clearly comfortable with assuming that’s going to happen very soon.

Gwen and Blake glance at each other, and Gwen gives Zuma a tentative smile. “We haven’t talked about that, but uh, I’m sure we can try and take a trip before you guys start school,” she says. She eyes Blake as if to ask if that’s okay, and Blake nods enthusiastically.

“Yeah, we can get the boat out like we used to,” he says, smiling. The thought makes his heart swell, thinking of having them all out there again, swimming, riding jet skis, fishing.

Soon, too soon, it’s past the boys’ bedtime, and Gwen is telling them that they need to get ready to go to sleep.

“Tell Blake goodbye,” she instructs, and one by one, the boys go up and give Blake a hug. “When are you coming back?” King asks.

“Real soon,” Blake says.

He’s actually going to be in L.A. the next couple of days, securing a house to lease and attending Gwen’s album release party on Friday night. He and Gwen haven’t talked about it, but he’s pretty sure he’ll be spending a lot of time over here with them until he has to leave for the next stop on his tour. 

“I love you,” Zuma says to Blake as he hugs him good night, and Blake can’t help the grin that spreads across his face.

“I love you too, buddy,” he says. 

Next up, Apollo reaches out so Blake can pick him up, and the little boy wraps his arms around Blake’s neck.

“You’re almost too big for that now,” Gwen laughs, taking in the sight of her kindergartener hanging on to Blake for dear life.

“No, I’m not,” Apollo says petulantly, hugging Blake tighter. Blake laughs, patting him on the back.

“All right little buddy,” Blake says gently. “You better go get ready for bed.”

Gwen takes Apollo’s hand to lead him out, and she gives Blake a smile.

“I’m going to help Apollo, and then I’ll be right back out.”

Blake watches them go, his chest filling with emotion.

He doesn’t know how he got from where he was a few months ago, alone and unsure if he’d ever get back the family he had created with Gwen.

And now here he is, all of it once again in the palm of his hands.

* * *

Gwen makes sure Apollo brushes his teeth and then tucks him into bed, bringing the covers up to his chin.

“Did you have a good time today?”

He yawns. “It was the best day ever.”

Her heart warm and full, Gwen kisses his head and departs, closing his door behind her. Walking back out toward the living room where she last left Blake, Gwen finds the room empty.

"Blake?" 

She calls for him as she leaves the living room and moves toward the kitchen, where she sees Blake, his back to her as he grips the kitchen counter, looking down at the granite.

“Blake?”

He turns and looks at her, and she is taken aback by the emotion in his face. There are tears in his eyes.

"Hey," he says, his voice thick. "Sorry, just had to collect myself for a minute." He tries to laugh, but the sound is weakened by the catch in his throat.

Gwen moves beside him and puts her arm around his waist. “I know it’s a lot.”

Blake wipes his eyes and moves to sit down at the kitchen table. Gwen follows and takes a seat across from him.

He is quiet for a moment, staring down at the table with an unfathomable expression on his face. Finally, he looks up, his face red, and catches her eyes. “I didn’t know if I was ever going to see them again.”

Gwen feels her lips turning inward as she struggles not to cry. Blake continues.

“After they told me goodbye just now… I felt this, like, panic in my chest, and I think it’s because the last time I told them goodbye in this house, I didn’t see them again for over a year. They were just gone.”

A tear slips down Gwen’s cheek, and she nods. "I'm so sorry," she whispers, remorse overcoming her. "I'm so sorry you had to go through that because of me. Because I freaked out and threw away what we had. It was all my fault." 

She had really pulled the rug out from under him. She thinks back to the gifts he sent to the boys, the only way he knew how to appropriately reach out to them, and her heart breaks again. 

Blake gazes at her, his face blotchy.

"I can’t handle losing you and them again," he says. "I need you all in my life. When I was all alone… when you got engaged… I would lie awake at night and picture you and the kids together, with Robert there instead of me. And it killed me, I mean… I didn’t know if you all even missed me or thought about me, and this ache in my chest just was always there, and I didn’t know what to do to fix it.”

Blake closes his eyes and shakes his head. “I had to distract myself just to keep from thinking about it because if I thought about it, all I could think was that I had lost everything. I felt like I was missing part of myself, and it was a part that I couldn’t replace,” he says. “I can’t… _please_. Whatever I have to do to make sure that doesn’t happen again, I will do it. I can’t go through that ever again.”

Gwen shakes her head vigorously, standing up and going around to sit in Blake’s lap. He wraps his arms around her waist.

“I promise you, you won’t lose us again,” she says. “I’ve learned so much since then about myself and about what kind of life I want… and how I handled things was so wrong.”

She presses her forehead against his temple. "There was just this trigger inside me, these foreboding thoughts, and I convinced myself you were going to eventually get tired of me and leave or find what you wanted in someone else, because that's what always happened before,” she says.

She closes her eyes tightly and thinks back to the illogical fears that would torment her the nights they were apart, the memories from her failed marriage that would resurface at just the wrong times — whenever Blake didn’t call as quickly as she was expecting, or when their plans to see each other fell through, or when she imagined how much better off he would be with some young country starlet that it seemed the whole world expected him to be with.

“And I know that wasn't fair, and it wasn't fair not to even talk to you about it,” she says. “If I had just tried to explain to you, I know you would have understood and shown me I was wrong."

Gwen thinks back to her relationship with Gavin, and how any time she voiced her suspicions that he was cheating on or lying to her, he would tell her she was crazy.

“Gavin would always tell me my fears about him and our relationship were irrational,” she says aloud, knowing Blake already understands this about her marriage. “And then it would always turn out that my 'irrational' thoughts were _true_. So when I started worrying that I was going to get my heart broken again, that you were eventually going to leave and I was going to be crushed again, I really believed it. My irrational fears had always proven true with him, so I couldn't recognize that I was letting that color the reality of my relationship with you.”

Blake nods. "This is why you just have to talk to me, and tell me when you have worries or have these thoughts,” he says. “I would never tell you that you were crazy. But I will do anything to prove to you every day that you can count on me and that I will change what I need to in order to be with you — I don’t have to work as much. I can tell Brandon no when he asks me to do things that interfere with our plans." 

While Gwen always has to consider her kids when she makes her schedule, she knows she too could have done more to make sure she and Blake were getting the quality time — physically and emotionally — that they needed.

"The main thing for me is, I need to keep my head in the right space of being open and honest with you about everything," Gwen says. "And I can't go back to a place where I let irrational fears become reality in my mind. I know what’s real and what’s not real. What we have is real, and I believe in it.”

She echoes the words that Blake had said to her that night in her New York City hotel room, the night he’d poured his heart out to her and told her that he wanted to still be with her in thirty years.

“I believe in us,” she says, meaning it with all of her heart. “I believe in your love for me and I believe in my love for you. And nothing — not work, not insecurities, not our past — nothing will come between us that like that again. I won’t let it.”

She puts her hands on his face, leaning down to kiss him softly.

“Please forgive me,” she whispers.

Her issues, her rash decisions — she had hurt both of them, even if she never wanted that, never wanted either one of them to be hurt.

Even if he now understands what she was going through, understands why she pushed him away, she still needs him to forgive her for what she put him through. To forgive her for the pain she caused.

“I love you,” is all Blake says, and she knows with that response that he has.

* * *

The air is filled with excitement as Blake and Gwen arrive to her album release party at The Standard hotel in downtown Los Angeles Friday night.

Blake slips his hand into Gwen’s as they enter the ballroom, posing for photos and waving to people calling out their names. It is their first public appearance together since Gwen’s announcement that they’re back together, and somehow it feels weirdly natural and low-key.

It’s almost like people see them and forget they ever broke up at all.

Once inside the party, Gwen is immediately swarmed by all kinds of people — record executives, her agent, her manager, industry friends.

Though Blake has been in the business for a long time, he still never quite feels like he “belongs” at these Hollywood shindigs.

Of course, that never matters to him when he has Gwen on his arm. He is content to step back and watch as she shakes hands, smiles, accepts compliments. She looks up at him, her eyes a little wide, and he waves his hand, assuring her that he’s fine. He motions that he’s going to go look for the bar and get them a drink, and she smiles gratefully.

Heading over to the alcohol, Blake orders a glass of white wine for Gwen and a vodka and tonic for himself.

He leans against the bar, waiting and thinking, when another man steps up beside him. Blake looks at the guy with his peripheral vision and recognition dawns on him. It’s Jack Farrah.

It takes all of Blake’s restraint not to turn and punch the guy in the face.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Blake asks, keeping his voice low so as not to cause a scene. The last thing he wants to do is embarrass Gwen. 

Jack looks almost pleased with himself at the anger he has stirred, holding up his hands. “My girlfriend works for Interscope,” Jack smiles. “I’m her plus-one.”

Blake shakes his head in disbelief. “After what you did to Gwen, you have no business being here.”

Jack shakes his head, that coy smile still on his face. “I’m not here to cause trouble, I promise. Just genuinely curious how it’s going. And I bet I know more people in this room than you do, as it is.”

Blake chuckles. As if that means anything to him. He’s with the most important person at the event.

“Stay away from Gwen,” Blake warns as the bartender brings him their drinks.

“Blake?”

Jack and Blake both turn to see Gwen approaching them, her face stricken when she sees her ex-fiancé’s son. She moves closer to Blake, her mouth in a straight line. Blake hands her the glass of wine, not opposed to the idea of her throwing it in Jack’s face.

“What are you doing here?” she asks, her voice stony and on guard.

“Good to see you too,” Jack says sarcastically. “I am the guest of someone with an invitation, I promise. Congratulations on your new album.”

Gwen looks up at Blake, clearly uncomfortable and unsure of what to do.

“Thank you,” she says quietly, taking Blake’s hand.

“I’ll tell my father you said hello,” Jack says, tilting his head. “He’s in Greece right now, vacationing with his girlfriend.”

Blake looks down at Gwen, whose eyebrows rise in surprise. Jack looks smug.

“Yeah, he met her not long after you broke his heart, and now he’s doing just fine,” Jack says.

Gwen squeezes Blake’s hand. “Well, I’m glad to hear that actually,” she says. “Like I said before, I just want him to be happy, so…” she trails off. “Well, we’d better get going. Hope you enjoy yourself.” 

Blake and Gwen walk away together, neither one looking back, and Blake feels the tension from that confrontation releasing itself in the form of a trembling through his arms and hands. He didn’t realize how very angry he was until just now.

“You handled that very well,” he whispers to her. “Are you okay?”

Gwen nods. “Yeah. I think he was trying to gloat or something, but that guy just did me a favor, telling me about Robert and his new girlfriend. I’ve had it in the back of my mind how bad I feel that he’s having to see all the news about you and I getting back together, but it turns out he’s already moved on. I just… that’s just what I needed to hear.”

She smiles in relief, and Blake leans down to give her a kiss on her forehead. He’s not sure whether Robert is really over Gwen, or if he’s just trying to convince himself he is with a new woman — but whatever the case, all that matters is it’s one less thing Gwen has to have hanging over her head, wondering if her ex-fiancé is okay.

They make their way through the party, enjoying the well wishes from various guests. It’s about halfway through the night when one of the top executives of Interscope gets on a microphone to make a special announcement.

“We are very excited to tell you that Gwen’s album just hit #1 on the iTunes chart, and we have very high hopes for what it’s going to do in the coming months,” he says.

Everyone cheers and Gwen blushes, smiling from ear to ear as Blake leans down and kisses the top of her head.

The reaction thus far from reviews, social media commentary, blogs, and more has been largely positive, praising Gwen’s honesty and authenticity as well as her creativity in her music.

And rather than hurt her album sales, opening up regarding the truth about her and Blake has only piqued interest in the general public, encouraging people to hear the songs that she wrote during their breakup.

Just as she hoped, the pain she felt about losing him shone through on the album. That transparency helps people understand more why she was inevitably going to return to him, why her engagement was a mistake and was never going to last. Blake himself over the last few weeks has been able to listen to each of the songs with Gwen, receiving guidance from her through each one so that he could understand what she was feeling when she wrote each track.

She’s still the girl America first got to know 25 years ago, the girl they saw evolve and transition from genre to genre, who was never afraid to try something new and who has never been anything but honest in her music.

At the end of the night, as they are leaving hand in hand, their feet tired and eyes bleary, Gwen looks up at him and asks him to come home with her, to be there with her that night and be there in the morning when the kids wake up. They can all have breakfast together, she says.

“You don’t think it’s too soon?” he asks.

She shakes her head, her voice strong with conviction.

“No. It’s well past due.”

* * *

_Six months later_

“Be careful — don’t run,” Gwen calls to Apollo and Zuma, who are hurrying out the back door to go jump in the pool at their house on Lake Texoma.

It’s still technically winter, but the area is going through a little heat wave and the boys are taking their very first opportunity to go swimming with no hesitation.

Gwen follows behind them, standing in the open doorway with her arms crossed, a smile on her lips. They’ve been to Oklahoma several times over the past few months, celebrating Thanksgiving and New Year’s there like they always used to do, joining Blake at either the ranch or lake house to enjoy quality family time.

This latest trip was a last-minute decision, a quick weekend jaunt that they made time to fit in just because they wanted to.

Blake walks up behind her, wrapping his arms around her. “When they’re done, Kingston wants us to watch a movie all together,” he says. “One of those new Marvel movies.”

Gwen smiles up at him. “Sure.”

Blake’s phone rings, and he steps away to take the call. “Yeah?”

He’s quiet for a second, then says “thank you” and hangs up the phone.

“That was the moving company,” he says, returning to his previous position, his arms back around Gwen. “All my stuff will be there on Monday.”

Gwen feels a warm rush surge through her, and she leans back further into him.

They’d worked out a good system for themselves these last few months, ensuring that they never spent too much time apart. Blake had been returning to L.A. frequently, and though he still had his leased home, he barely ever stayed there.

Instead, he usually slept over at Gwen’s. Very early on they knew it was only a matter of time before he would officially move back in with her and the kids.

Still, they hadn’t rushed it, had taken their time, and by now, moving his things from the leased house to hers was just a formality. He’d really been living with them this whole time.

It’s been six months of coordinating everything together, making sure that work never gets in the way of finding time together. They’ve learned to say “no” when outside opportunities get to be too much, and his jet has gotten plenty of use shuttling the family around to each of his or Gwen’s events to make sure they can all be together even when one of them is working.

And it’s also been six months of continuing to learn and evaluate where they are, making sure to never take for granted that they know how the other feels or that every question is answered.

Blake would almost say they’re as strong as they ever were — except he thinks they’re stronger, the lessons learned from the past two years on the forefront of their minds at all time.

“Guys, come dry off and watch a movie with us,” Gwen calls to Apollo and Zuma, waving them out of the pool.

She hands the boys towels as they walk over to her, dripping wet, and then directs them back into the house.

“You coming?” she asks Blake.

He nods, smiling as he turns to follow them inside.

They’ll spend the next couple of days here before heading back to L.A., finishing his move and working on building a deck outside the back of their house, an enhanced place where Gwen can host her family dinner parties and Blake can grill and they can all enjoy each other’s company as the warmer weather approaches.

It’s things like that, seemingly small details in life, that he and Gwen once both took for granted. And now they don’t.

As they settle on the couches in the living room, Gwen on one side, her arm entwined with his, and Apollo on another, his head against Blake’s shoulder, he leans his head back against the headrest and smiles.

It was just about a year ago that he got the call about The Voice revival — that ray of hope in the midst of darkness, the hand reaching down from heaven offering him a lifeline to reclaim what he’d lost.

Now, with his family all around him, he looks upward and says a silent prayer of thanks.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading <3


End file.
